“If you are willing, would you please transcribe our conversations, verbatim, and put them up on a website, in case anyone is interested?”

I’m thinking he was just trying to keep my mind busy for a while, re-reading and typing up everything he said, to let it all start to sink in. I mean, who is even going to know about this, not to mention actually read any of it? I still don’t really understand why he asked me to meet with him in the first place. Maybe he thought if he could help someone like me get at least some kind of clue about this stuff, there’s hope for everyone else. By the way, if he had only told me our talks were going to be transcribed, I would’ve tried to sound more spiritual. Too damn late now…

I wish you could’ve seen his eyes when he was talking. There’s something about them. This will sound a little strange, but it’s almost like he makes his own sunshine. You get the feeling there could be a hundred foot wall of water roaring towards him, and he would just stand there, absolutely calm and relaxed, and say “Okay. You can have me,” and just completely melt into it. Like he doesn’t run from anything, but he doesn’t fight anything either. I know, it doesn’t make sense. Maybe you’ll get a taste of it yourself. I asked him if someone reading this might feel any of that energy and presence and flow I sometimes felt those three weeks. He said “The slightest whiff of roses can lead you to the garden. Anyone can fall into the Silence beneath the words.” (I didn’t know what he meant either, but I was paying for the call, so I just said thanks and moved on).

By the way, just like he told me, don’t believe anything he says that you don’t deeply KNOW– maybe not in your head, but in the center of your heart. You know how sometimes you go “I KNEW that! I just didn’t know I knew it yet!” It’s like some kind of instant remembering inside. But he also said when you don’t know something is true, don’t push it away either. Just let it all float around, don’t worry about it, and trust the depths of your heart to sort through it.

I guess the last big question is, why does he want to be anonymous? Here’s what his note said:

…And I’d rather you not mention my name in the transcripts. Who I am just isn’t important for this project. It isn’t about me or my teachings or my background. It’s about those deepest truths, repeated throughout the centuries, that so few have heard, but so many are longing for. It’s about giving anyone who happens to be drawn towards the transcripts a chance to remember what their heart has always deeply known. Not because I said it, or because some great scripture or mystic of the past said it, but only because deep in their heart, they will KNOW it.

So, here they are. all 15 meetings, transcribed word for word. If anyone happens to find this and actually reads it, I apologize in advance for pretty much everything I said.  You might think about just reading his part. All the wisdom, half the time. 

Alight. Let’s dive in. I didn’t have any trouble finding his place that first Monday morning.  He motioned me in, welcomed me with those warm, smiling eyes of his and gave me some tea. We sat down in his living room, and then we got started.

Good. Then let’s get started. So, before there was anything– any thing at all– there was Ultimate Reality, the Source, the Godhead, Pure Essence, the Ground of all being, what I sometimes refer to as Sol.

S-o-u-l?

No. Capital S, long o, l. Sol.

Why do you call this– whatever it is– Sol?

Sol as in sun. It’s like an infinite, shimmering, translucent sun. Sol as in Sun Of Light. And Source Of Life. It’s the Mother of existence. Sol as in soul, s-o-u-l. It’s the Ultimate Essence, the One Consciousness, the Supreme Soul. And Sol as in sole,

s-o-l-e. It’s the Only. The One. The All.

So basically, in the beginning there was an infinite, ultimate, single, supreme, soulful sun of light. Well that pretty much clears everything up for me. I’m pretty sure I’m enlightened now. Thanks for your time.

We have to start somewhere. You’ve probably heard the saying, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

Yeah, well I’m still trying to get my shoes on. I mean, we just suddenly dove in, and I’m not even sure what we dove into. I know you’re trying to give me some kind of overview of how we got separated from our true essence and how we can get back “Home”, as you call it. But I’m not exactly the most qualified guy around to be talking with you about this stuff. I mean, most marketing degree programs don’t offer a lot of classes on deep spiritual truths. I did take a few psychology classes though. “Understanding and Manipulating the Consumer Mind,” that kind of thing. I had to take an Ethics class too, which I did really well in. That guy I paid to write my term paper must have done a hell of a job. If there’s one thing I learned in college, and that sounds about right, it’s that if you want something done right in this world, you gotta pay out the wazoo.

Anyway, the point is that when it comes to this stuff, I’ve read a few books and been to a few talks, but that’s about it. I tried to meditate once, but I ran out of things to think about so I had to stop. And once I tried hugging a tree, if that counts for anything. I just got sap all over my clothes. A real bonding experience. I mean, the closest I’ve ever come to a mystical experience was when I was walking in the mountains one day and suddenly, out of nowhere, bam! I saw a sign. Changed my life.

What did you see?

A sign. It said “park maps.”

And this changed your life?

I had this sudden realization that backwards it spelled “spam krap.” I haven’t had any since. Unlike my email.  But the point is, I just don’t get why you asked me, of all people, if I wanted to have these conversations with you.

Do you remember the question you asked the other night?

At your talk? Yeah. It felt like everyone but me was following what you were saying, nodding their saintly little heads and smiling and all. And I was just completely fricking lost most of the time. It was frustrating. I felt totally inferior and inadequate. So I just told you what was going on, and asked if I should just assume that since I didn’t get what the hell you were talking about, that meant I wasn’t ready to hear it yet. That I wasn’t spiritually evolved enough or something.

And do you remember my response?

Well, you said that it’s no one’s place but mine to decide what I’m ready to hear. And that my lack of understanding might be more of a reflection on you than me. You said maybe you gear your talks too much towards people who already know what you’re talking about.

I do tend to assume a certain level of spiritual understanding and experience in those who feel drawn to my talks. But after your question, I found myself wondering how many others have left one of my talks feeling lost, inadequate and discouraged. By focusing on those who are already familiar with these teachings, I may have been inadvertently alienating many of those who are actually the most thirsty for them.

When you say “these teachings” are you talking about one particular spiritual path?

Many rivers. One ocean.

Good to know. When you say “these teachings” are you talking about one particular spiritual path?

I’m speaking of the universal insights, realizations and experiences found at the depths of all spiritual paths. Many of these understandings have been around for more than twenty-five centuries, and have developed independently in several different cultures.. Of course, different teachers and different paths have their own languages, their own metaphors, their own perspectives, their own flavors. But that which they seek to unveil is essentially the same. There are many paths up a mountain. Each path brings forth different experiences and scenery. And different concepts of what the mountain is like. But whichever path is followed, the clear view at the top is the same. The nineteenth century Japanese Zen master, Ryokan, wrote “In all ten directions of the universe, there is only one truth. When we see clearly, the great teachings are the same.”

In the last several decades, there has been increasing awareness of and interest in the undeniable similarities in the perspectives of those who have glimpsed the view from the mountain top, regardless of the path they followed to get there. They are describing very similar maps of the nature of reality. And currently, more people than ever before are being exposed to these maps, through talks and workshops, through the writings of masters and mystics throughout the ages, and through more recent books. And more people than ever are coming to know through direct experience the terrain these maps describe. More people than ever are beginning to glimpse Home.

My friend, it appears we are starting to see the beginning of a global awakening. A quickening that could bring in a new degree of maturation of the human species. We have been caterpillars long enough! And we are beginning to encounter more butterflies around us than ever before!

Somehow I tend to pretty much only attract moths.  

But in spite of the growing interest in these universal teachings, there are still a great many people who have not yet been exposed to even the more basic ones in a clear way. And very, very few are familiar with the deepest and most pristine of these teachings, even though they appear again and again throughout the centuries. When you asked your question the other night, it became clear to me that it is time to try to help make these teachings more accessible to the many who are still longing to hear them. To start at the beginning, and to gradually move deeper into those teachings that are so astoundingly revolutionary to the mind, and yet that resonate so deeply within the heart as pure, simple and true.

Just because of something I said? There go your credibility ratings. But I still don’t get why you decided to personally tutor me in “Spirituality 101″.

First of all, it was clear the other night that you have a deep desire to understand. I felt compelled to honor that. It was also clear that you have a willingness to speak your mind. I believe you are independent enough to not just blindly accept everything I tell you.

If you say so.

But these conversations will feed two birds with one seed. They will be a learning experience for us both. I’ve never tried to explain these teachings, from the beginning, to someone not yet familiar with them, and this seemed to be a good way for me to get my feet wet.

So basically, I’m your guinea pig. I can’t express how honored I feel.

Don’t mention it.

But why record our talks?

I’m not sure yet. I just had the feeling it might be a good idea. Maybe it will be helpful for one of us later, or maybe it will serve some other purpose, I don’t know. So shall we return to the teachings?

* * * * * *

All right. So what do you mean when you say that Sol is a brilliant sun of light?

This is just a very simplified way to begin to conceptualize it. Essence can be thought of as light, but not as we normally think of it. Capital “L” Light. It is the infinite Pure Light that gives birth to all that is in this world.

You know how there are different frequencies of light, and we can only see a narrow band? I can sort of conceptualize this light if I think of it as way off the scale.

That’s one way of looking at it. Although this Light is everywhere, it’s not within the narrow range of what our physical eyes can see. In the fifth century, Saint Augustine wrote “I entered into the secret closet of my soul, led by Thee… and beheld with the mysterious eye of my soul the Light that never changes… It was not the common light which all flesh can see, nor was it greater yet of the same kind… but it was higher because it made me, and I was lower because I was made by it. He who knows the truth knows that Light; and he who knows it knows eternity. Love knows it.” So this Light is much more than a frequency beyond the scale. It’s like all of the frequencies together, before they were ever separated. And it’s that which gave every frequency its birth.

So maybe it’s kind of like the pure light that comes into a prism, not one of the divided color frequencies that leave it.

Yes. Imagine everything, all matter, all energy, to only manifest as its own individual property after it has gone through the prism.

So the prism is like a gateway into created reality. A prism portal.

Yes. Before this prism, There was only the Pure Light of the Source.

Then what was the prism? What was this gateway that transformed the Essence into all of these properties?

We’re getting ahead of ourselves. For now let’s focus on the Source itself.

All right, then what did you mean when you said Sol as in soul, s-o-u-l.

Give it a try.

I don’t know. You said that Sol existed before anything else. So I guess you could see it as the original soul. The original essence. The precursor to all other souls. You know, it’s not easy being pre-cursed.

Ahh, but we are pre-blessed! We pretend to be the shell, we think that we’re the creature, but truly we’re the Pearl, on a great adventure! You’re right that this One Sun is the original Essence. The One Soul out of which all souls are born. The word “soul” also suggests consciousness. Pure Being is Infinite Consciousness. Infinite Awareness.

This Light is conscious?

To say that it’s conscious might suggest there is something other for it to be conscious of. There is only the One. It’s more accurate to say that it is Pure Awareness. With a capital “P” and a capital “A”. It’s far beyond what we normally think of as awareness. Far more pure, simple and vast.

It’s really baffling. Each word sounds like English. But the way you put them together, I don’t know. Swahili or something. Let’s come back to that one. What about Sol as in sole, s-o-l-e?

Ultimate Reality is all there is. There is nothing else. It’s the Only. It’s the One.

What do you mean it’s the only? The only what?

It’s the Only. We can’t say that it’s the only thing there is, for it isn’t a thing. It’s every thing. And much more. It’s the Oneness, the unity, the medium, the field, the ground, the Source, the Essence, that underlies all things. Everything that exists is a particular manifestation of this Essence, just as every wave is a particular manifestation of the ocean. And yet, waves are never something other than the ocean. The waves of the various aspects of our level of reality are never truly separate from the luminous Ocean of Essence. A failing of this metaphor is that it gives the impression we are somehow on the surface of Essence. In fact, there is no surface. It is infinite. And we’re always in its depths.

So we’re in this cosmic ocean of Light right now?

It’s said a fish will be the last to discover water.

Yeah, well, a fish will pretty much be the last to discover anything.

Ultimate Reality is an infinite ocean of Light, and all that exists rests within this ocean. Most of us do not see it. Most of us seldom experience it. But it is everywhere. And although this Light manifests in infinite ways after it has gone through the prism, it’s still essentially the Light. Essence. Pure Being.

So basically, you’re just saying that everything in existence is made of this Light after it has gone through the prism and separated into all of the different aspects of reality. And, therefore, everything in reality is the Light. It’s a pretty simple concept, really. So, just a few wrap up questions: What the hell is the Light, what the hell is the prism, what the hell do you mean we’re a pearl on an adventure, and what the hell does a fish have to do with anything?

How about one question at a time.

So what’s the Light? You’ve said that it’s the Essence, the Source, the One, and that all of reality comes from it. But you also said it’s like an ocean that all of us are in all the time.

It is Ultimate Reality. The Ground of all Being. The Source that creates and sustains manifest or created reality. The Chinese sage, Lao-tzu, wrote twenty-five hundred years ago, “There was something formless and perfect before the universe was born. It is serene. Empty. Solitary. Unchanging. Infinite. Eternally present. It is the mother of the universe. For lack of a better name, I call it the Tao.” And a few centuries earlier, the Hindu scriptures, the Upanishads, described it this way: “As a spider spreads and withdraws its thread, so out of the Immutable does the phenomenal universe arise.”

Those who have intimately known it throughout the centuries have called it by many names: The Tao, the One, the Real, Brahman, Emptiness, the Void, the Formless, Pure Awareness, the Ultimate, the Absolute, the Infinite, God, the Divine, the Self, the Source, the Light, Pure Being, Pure Love, True Nature, Essence and so on. Some Ancient Indian texts refer to it as Satchitananda. “Sat”, meaning existence or being, “chit”, meaning awareness, and “ananda”, meaning bliss. It is infinite Being, infinite Awareness, and infinite Joy.

So basically, the goal is to become full of chit. I’m so close. Yet so far. So you were saying?

The twentieth century French priest, Henri le Saux, spent years in India exploring the common ground between Hinduism and Christianity, and eventually became a revered teacher to people of both faiths. He wrote “In my own innermost center, in the most secret mirror of my heart, I tried to discover the image of him whose I am, of him who lives and reigns in the infinite space of my heart. But the reflected image gradually grew faint, and soon it was swallowed up in the radiance of its Original… Finally, nothing was left but he himself, the Only One, infinitely alone, Being, Awareness, and Bliss, Satchitananda. In the heart of Satchitananda, I had returned to my Source.”

Of course, all of these words are inadequate. Human language cannot accurately describe that which is far beyond everything language was created to describe. Lao- tzu said “The Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao.” It’s beyond time, beyond space, beyond form, beyond duality, beyond every level of manifest reality. The Source created everything in existence from itself. All that is, including us, at the most basic level, is Pure Being.

How can it be beyond duality?

The seventh century Chinese master, Yung-chia Ta-shih,–

–Bless you.

As I was saying, he said “The Inner Light is beyond praise or blame; like space it knows no boundaries, yet it is even here, within us, ever retaining its serenity and fullness.” Pure Being is beyond blame and even beyond praise. It is beyond duality. In the pure and unified ocean of Essence, there are none of the dichotomies that emerge after the prism, after the manifestation into reality. In the eighth century, Hui Hai wrote “A mind that is truly free has reached the state in which opposites are seen as empty. There is only freedom.” And the Indian text, the Avadhut Gita, probably written around the ninth century, says “When a jar is broken, the space that was inside merges into the space outside. In the same way, my mind has merged in God; to me, there appears no duality.” The early twentieth century poet and author, D. H. Lawrence put it this way: “When I am timeless and absolute, all duality has vanished. But whilst I am temporal and mortal, I am framed in the struggle and embrace of the two opposite waves of darkness and of light.” Essence is pure Oneness. It has no good or evil, no right or wrong, no past and future, no subject and object.

No good or evil? Isn’t this Essence like the purest good?

It is so simple in its purity and unity that it is before both good and evil. The ninth century Sufi mystic, Yazid al-Bistami, said “Be in a realm where neither good nor evil exists. Both of them belong to the world of created beings.” In this realm of Pure Being there are no opposites at all. There is only the One.

I still don’t get this nondual thing.

We’ll talk about it more in the coming days, but the intellect can never grasp it. Duality cannot perceive Nonduality. It can only talk about it as though it were something else. And by its very nature, it can never be something else. One Indian Buddhist nun said, around the tenth century, “You may say ‘existence,’ but you can’t grasp it! You may say ‘nonexistence’ but many things appear! It is beyond the sky of ‘existence’ and ‘nonexistence’– I know it but cannot point to it!”

* * * * * *

I think I’m getting a brain cramp. I forgot to stretch it before we started.

While the Ground of all being sounds complex, it is ultimate simplicity. Ultimate purity. If it is awareness, it’s awareness ultimately simplified. If it’s being, it’s being ultimately simplified. If it’s energy, it’s energy ultimately simplified. Whatever qualities we attribute to it in a feeble attempt to understand it, we can imagine them being indescribably more pure, more clear, more simple and more vast than those same qualities when they describe things in our level of reality.

As long as we’re talking about things way over my head, why did this Ground of all being create reality? I mean, was it lonely, or bored, or did it just want a good laugh?

Let’s save that little question for tomorrow.

Okay. So quick recap. This Essence is some kind of a radiant, aware, nondual, limitless presence that’s beyond what we can normally experience or understand within the confines of our level of reality. And from it everything in our level of reality is created. So everything, all that is in reality, is this Essence.

Right. The sixteenth century Indian poet, Kabir, said “I see Him smiling everywhere as the supreme Beauty in every form.” And the Irish theologian, John Erigena, wrote in the ninth century, “We ought not understand God and creation as two things distinct from each other, but as one and the same. For both the creature, by subsisting, is in God; and God, by manifesting himself, in a marvelous and ineffable manner creates himself in the creature.” And the first century Greek philosopher, Simon Magus, wrote “There is one Divine Reality, divided as Higher and lower; generating Itself, nourishing Itself, seeking Itself, finding Itself… It is both Mother and Father, a Unity, being the Root of the entire circle of existence.”

It sounds like we’re talking about this Essence as two different things: The Essence itself, the source of reality, which is probably what he means by “the Higher”, and the– I guess you’d call it the post-prism Essence. The lower. Which became all of the aspects of created reality while somehow retaining its pure form within each aspect.

Yes, and that is a good way to put it.

Great. Now what did I say?

You said basically the same thing Ashvagosha said, a second century Indian poet and mystic: “In the one Soul we may distinguish two aspects. The one is the Soul-as-Absolute; the other is the Soul-as-relative-world. Each in itself constitutes all things, and both are so closely related that one cannot be separated from the other.”

So there’s pre-prism Essence and post-prism Essence. Clear as mud.

And once the Essence has gone through the prism, as it were, it may be understood as two things: as a template or matrix or blue print around which each aspect of reality gathers and congeals, and also as the stuff out of which each aspect is formed. It’s both the tiny, dissolved sugar particles in a glass of water, and the string around which they crystallize into organized structural patterns as the water evaporates.

Now that you put it that way, I still don’t get it.

Are you at all familiar with quantum physics?

I’ve read a number of books on the subject.

Good. Then you–

–Unfortunately, that number happens to be zero. Me and book stores don’t get along so well. Every time I go in one, my head gets stuck tilted to the right for a week. But anyway, how complicated can it be? I mean, it’s not rocket science. Is it?

Quantum physicists are well aware that everything in our level of reality, no matter how solid it appears, is made up of sub-atomic particles that have as much space between them, relative to their size, as the planets of a solar system. While rocks, trees, chairs, floors, our physical bodies, and the Earth itself all appear solid, if we could observe them closely enough, we would see much more emptiness than substance. In that respect we are, more than anything else, empty space.

I think we’ve all known a few people who demonstrate that.

For a long time, physicists expected to find a fundamental building block of matter, some indivisible particle. They have found instead that there comes a point in which particles cease being matter and become waves, probabilities, energetics. All matter is comprised of subatomic energy. This energy may be seen both as the matrix around which matter crystallizes, and as the stuff of which matter itself is composed.

And you’re saying that this energy is the Essence?

No. This energy is still part of created reality. I’m mentioning this as an analogy of how it’s possible that Essence is both the matrix around which the matter and energy of our level of reality is formed, as well as the fundamental stuff that comprises all matter and energy.

Look, I think you should know that I lost a lot of brain cells in college. They weren’t mine– I misplaced a tissue sample in biology class. But still, that incident taught me just how fragile brain cells can be, which is why I try not to overload mine with pointless extras like ideas.

Can you sense towards how it is that everything is both connected to this Essence and is this Essence? It’s in this way that Pure Being is an ocean all around us. For a time, we become as individual drops of water. But we’re always a part of the Ocean. The nineteenth century Indian sage, Ramakrishna, said “I do actually see that it is the Absolute who has become all things around us; it is he who appears as the finite Soul and the phenomenal world.” And the fourteenth century Christian mystic, Julian of Norwich, wrote “The fullness of joy is to behold God in everything.” And the Hermetic writings, probably written by a third century Greek mystic, tell us “Say no longer that God is invisible. Do no speak thus, for what is more manifest than God?… That is the miraculous power of God, to show Himself through all beings.” The Greek philosopher, Heraclitus, who lived in the sixth century B. C., wrote “All things are one. In the One, above and below are the same.” Or as Kabir put it, “Behold but One in all things; it is the second that leads you astray.”

It’s one thing to have a concept of this in our minds. It’s another to truly, fully, deeply know it in the heart. The Upanishads tell us, “This is to be understood by the heart, there is no separateness at all.” This direct, intimate knowing is what moves the true mystic to exclaim, as did the thirteenth century Christian mystic, Angela of Foligno, “The whole world is full of God!” Or as the prophet Muhammad put it in the sixth century, “Wherever you turn is God’s face.” And “Do not despise the world, for the world too is God.” And similarly, the nineteenth century Indian poet, Ghalib, wrote “This world is no more than the Beloved’s single face.”

This has been said again and again, in different ways, throughout the cultures and centuries. The Papyrus of Ani, part of the Egyptian Book of the Dead that’s more than four thousand years old: “God, Himself, is existence; He lives in all things, and lives upon all things.” The Rig Veda, a collection of Indian hymns more than three thousand years old: “All beings of the universe form, as it were, only a portion of His being; the greater part is invisible and unchangeable… He appears as all sentient and insentient beings.” The Upanishads: “Whatever lives is full of the Lord.” And “Self is everywhere, shining forth from all beings.”

Self?

Another inadequate name for the Unnamable. The first century Jewish Theologian, Philo, wrote “Everything is God’s grace. Every being in the world, and the world itself, manifests the blessings and generosity of God.” The eighth century Indian yogi, Shankara: “This universe is nothing but Brahman. See Brahman everywhere, under all circumstances, with the eye of the spirit and a tranquil heart.” The thirteenth century Christian mystic, Mechtild of Magdeburg: “The day of my spiritual awakening was the day I saw– and knew I saw– all things in God and God in all things.” The fourteenth century Sufi poet, Hafiz: “When I bring my heart close to any object, I always hear the Friend say, ‘Hafiz, I am Here.’” The sixteenth century Christian mystic, Saint Teresa of Avila: “At first… I did not know that God was in all things. And when He seemed to me to be so near, I thought it impossible.” The nineteenth century English poet and artist, William Blake: “Everything that lives is Holy.” Black Elk: “ We should know well that the Great Spirit is within all things, and that it is above all things as well.” And listen to Kabir: “There is a secret one inside us; the planets in all the galaxies pass through his hands like beads. That is a string of beads one should look at with luminous eyes.”

All the world is always fresh, pulsing, and shimmering with Life. Every atom is bubbling over with Essence. Everything is endlessly overflowing with Luminous Mystery. Yet we cannot see the Ocean for the waves. The thirteenth century Sufi, Mahmud Shabistari, wrote “Under the veil of every atom is hidden the ravishing beauty of the face of the Beloved!” And in the Gospel of Thomas, Jesus said of the Kingdom of Heaven “It will not come by waiting for it… Rather, the Kingdom of the Father is spread out upon the Earth, and men do not see it.” The thirteenth century Italian poet, Dante, agreed: “Heaven calls you and revolves around you, showing you its everlasting beauty, and your eye perceives only the passing earth.” And the seventeenth century Protestant poet, Thomas Traherne, wrote “The world is a mirror of Infinite Beauty yet no man sees it. It is a Temple of Majesty yet no man regards it.” Listen to my favorite lines from the nineteenth century poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning:

But still I feel that His embrace
Slides down by thrills, through all things made,
Through sight and sound of every place:
As if my tender mother laid

On my shut lips her kisses’ pressure

Half-waking me at night, and said

“Who kissed you through the dark, dear guesser?”

When there is only an endless falling into the Pure Present, without the slightest effort to resist it or replace it, true seeing spontaneously arises, and everything is seen to be inside the Infinite Center of Existence. The Greek philosopher and mystic, Empedocles, said twenty-five hundred years ago, “The Nature of God is a circle of which the center is everywhere and the circumference is nowhere.” And Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote “Standing on the bare ground… a mean egotism vanishes. I become a transparent eyeball; I am nothing; I see all; the currents of the Universal Being circulate through me; I am part or particle of God.”

That brings up a really important question. How in the hell did you memorize all these quotes?

One of the ways we can sink more deeply into the Most Real is to really listen to those who are describing it. Because these writings have helped me to fall deeper into Being, I have read them again and again. Now most of them simply come when I think of them.

Still, you must have a hell of a memory.

It certainly isn’t important to have one. There’s no need to study or remember the words of others. That’s just something that comes naturally for this personality.

You know, I was tested once for a photographic memory.

But you don’t remember the results?

I wasn’t going to say that. Okay, maybe I was. Anyway, it sounds like all these people are just looking around at the regular world, but they’re seeing a depth or a dimension to it that the rest of us just don’t see.

Right. It’s as though when we look at the ocean, most of us limit our awareness to the surface. But some people let their effortful attention relax from focusing on the surface, and that lets them take in the incredible depths that are always there. They tell us, “Don’t you see? The ocean isn’t just a flat surface, it’s actually incredibly deep and rich and beautiful and alive!” And we look again at the two dimensional surface, and recommend to them a good psychiatrist. Everything is supported by the Ocean of Essence. Everything can be a doorway to True Reality, if only we look beyond its facade, into the Infinite Depths within it. William Blake wrote “When the doors of perception are cleansed, reality is seen as it is. Infinite.” And, “He who sees the Infinite in all things sees God.”

It sounds like we’re usually trying to understand Ultimate Reality or Essence or whatever as if it’s something else, way far off, but it’s actually right here, all around us.

Exactly! The nineteenth century poet, Emily Dickensen, wrote “The Infinite a sudden Guest has been assumed to be. But how can that stupendous come which never went away?” It is so close that our minds keep missing it. Any concept of Pure Being can at best be a shadow of actually experiencing it. Shadows are useful. They can direct us to the light. But they are not to be mistaken for it. Lao-tzu wrote “It can’t be grasped by the imagination.” And the sixteenth century mystic, Saint John of the Cross, said “All that the imagination can imagine and the reason conceive and understand in this life is not, and cannot be, approximate means of union with God.” The nineteenth century poet, Walt Whitman, wrote “I hear and behold God in every object, yet I understand God not in the least.” And Saint Augustine put it this way: God is not what you imagine or what you think you understand. If you understand you have failed.”

It’s good to know I’m not in danger of failing any time soon.

To the intellect, Pure Being will always be an unfathomable mystery. To the innermost heart, it will always be Home.

Well, you’d think my innermost heart would at least give my intellect a guided tour.

The mind gazes at the distant Sun, longing to understand. And all the while, the Heart within the heart yawns, stretches, and curls back up into the warmth. All right, my friend. Enough for today. See you tomorrow.

You look refreshed and energized. You enjoyed yourself?

Yeah. Sometimes I really get into it. I usually feel pretty alive and peaceful and connected when I play. And then afterwards it usually stays with me for a while. But sooner or later, I always have to deal with life– clean the kitchen or pay bills or whatever– and then I lose it. Lately I’ve been trying the strategy of never cleaning or paying bills, but I don’t think that’s really going to work as a long term plan. I mean, I thought the refrigerator mold was getting tall before my electricity got shut off. Do you know where I could get an indoor lawn mower? The good news is, I’m eating a lot more greens. Anyway, I guess I either need to play guitar all the time or try to figure out how to have that same flow while I’m doing other things.

Let me tell you a story. Once, a demon in the darkest depths of Hell saw a shining angel’s harp slowly falling past him. He was intrigued by it, and began to pluck the strings. As he did, he found himself beginning to rise through the levels of Hell. And as he ascended, he felt the heavy burden of hatred and fear within him begin to diminish. He continued to play, and found himself floating upward towards the planes of Heaven. His arms and fingers became exhausted, but he didn’t dare stop. He kept rising until he finally reached the highest level of Heaven. And there, before him, was the Divine. Overcome with joy and love greater than he had ever imagined, he let go of the harp to embrace the Divine. Of course, the moment he did, he began falling back downward through the planes, until he found himself again in the depths of Hell. The demon realized that if he were to ever embrace the exquisite beauty of the Divine, he would have to ascend to Heaven empty handed. The shining harp floated back down into the depths, and another demon began to play.

So did the demon ever make it back to the Divine?

One day, even Satan will return to the joy and love of the Light, a prodigal son, welcomed and embraced.

That’ll be one hell of a party. It’s a pretty powerful image, the Divine embracing Satan, completely forgiving him.

What is perhaps more powerful is that, from the perspective of the Divine, there is nothing to forgive. Absolutely nothing. But we’ll talk about this another time.

Good, because right now I’m not buying that one. I mean, first of all, you’re telling me the perspective of the Divine. And second, whether you take Satan as real, or as a personification of the evil, the suffering, the cruelty in the world, you’re saying there’s nothing for the Divine to forgive? And you’re minimizing it all to the equivalent of the prodigal son? Isn’t that the kid who ran off and spent his inheritance and then came back to bum off his parents? And you’re saying it’s the same thing? Give me a fricking break!

I didn’t say there is no need for us to forgive. But we’ll talk about this another time.

“Hey, Satan, how was your trip? Your room is just the way you left it. We put the heater on high for you. We’ll have a big dinner tonight in your honor. Deviled ham, deviled eggs, all your favorites. So tell us all about your big adventures. Did you have a nice time being evil?” Look, obviously I’m upset about this. I just want there to be a little accountability. I can handle the Divine, whatever that is, forgiving Satan. But the idea that there was nothing to forgive, like Satan didn’t do anything wrong– that’s what’s getting me pissed off.

I understand. We’ll talk about this another time.

You keep saying that!

You can’t see the view from the heights of a mountain you have barely begun to climb.

Try me. You said yourself it’s up to me what I’m ready to hear.

All right. I’ll just say this for now, even though it’s jumping quite a bit ahead, and you can simply let it float around inside wherever it wishes as we continue. When we talk about forgiving, we usually mean letting someone back into your heart, correct? Generally, to forgive is to let go of a closedness, a contraction, that was pushing someone away from you and your love because of their actions. And it is usually contingent upon their asking for forgiveness. They must repent first. If they’re not sorry for what they’ve done, then they don’t qualify for you letting them back into your heart. They don’t qualify for your love. But if only they would show remorse, and promise to do better, then they would meet your specific conditions, and you would then stop withholding some of your love, even if it was only a tiny bit you were withholding. You would open your contracted heart back up, so that it once more has room for them to be in it.

But Pure Essence, Pure Being, Pure Love is absolutely Infinite. Absolutely Boundaryless. Its heart has room for ALL that is. Even for those who have turned away from it. The third century mystic and philosopher, Plotinus, wrote “You do not really go away from It, for It is there; you do not ‘go’ anywhere, but remain present to It yet turn your back on It.” You can never be outside of an Infinite Heart! The Divine is Pure Love. It would never close its heart to anyone or anything. Pure Being is absolute Open Heartedness!

To close its heart even slightly, to hold the smallest grudge, to withhold the smallest bit of love, the tiniest bit of the Purest Sunshine from anyone– to push anyone away until the slightest condition is met– that is a conditional heart. That is conditional love. A love that has its limits, its boundaries, its requirements, its price. Pure Love cannot be that kind of love, for that kind of love is not Pure. The Divine cannot have that kind of heart, for that kind of heart is not Divine. Arms that would close to anyone, even for a moment, are not Divine arms. My friend, the Divine never forgives. It only GIVES. Endlessly. Infinitely. And unconditionally.

Julian of Norwich wrote “Our soul is one to God… and therefore between God and our soul there is neither wrath nor forgiveness because there is no between.”

Oh, my friend, this Infinite Heart of the Divine, in which all worlds rest, it is my Beloved. I give it my life. I give it my death. I give it all that I have. All that I am. The fifteenth century mystic, Saint Catherine of Genoa, said “I wish not for anything that comes forth from Thee, but only for Thee, oh sweetest Love!” And a writer who called himself Dionysius the Areopagite wrote, in the sixth century, “Divine Love draws those whom it seizes beyond themselves, and this so greatly that they belong no longer to themselves but wholly to the Object loved.” Do you see? Wholly to the Object loved! Until you have nothing left! Nothing! Not even separation!

Listen to Kabir: “When I was conscious of individual existence, the love of the Master filled my heart; When the love of the Master filled my heart, my sense of selfhood was dissolved. Oh Kabir, this path is too narrow for two to travel!” And Emily Dickinson: “A death blow is a life blow to some, who till they died, did not alive become. Who had they lived, had died but when, they died vitality begun.”

Oh sweetest Love, my life is yours! Do with it as you wish! I ask for nothing! And yet, You pour such endless Grace through this vessel, it melts away the boundaries of my heart! It burns away every leaf, the moment I let it fall! And so, every breath is the coming of Spring! Every heartbeat, a new birth of the Ancient Pulse!

Oh, what Grace to die before death comes! For when you melt into the Sun,  you fear no fire! You fear no flame!  Your True Life born in the ash of your name!

Um, so remember how you were saying that maybe it was a little too early to get into all this? Well, um, I apologize for not believing you. So do you think maybe you could come back down the mountain a ways and we could pick up where we left off? I mean, I don’t want to interrupt your uh, whatever it is you’re in the middle of. And it’s absolutely none of my business what you smoked before I got here. But maybe we could get back to things I might actually have a chance of understanding. Unless we’ve already pretty much exhausted those.

Sometimes I just can’t help myself. When you were a boy, did you ever go exploring and discover some wonderful treasure– maybe a cave or some bones or some big animal tracks or the like– and you couldn’t wait to show someone else? You just want to hurry and take them to the treasure. Nothing else matters. But maybe the way you want to go is too steep for them, they aren’t as used to the terrain. So you have to go the slow way. And while it is beautiful to be there, walking with them, your heart is completely focused on what it is that you have found. You can’t wait for them to see your treasure. And then, before you know it, they call out to you to slow down, and you realize you have left them far behind.

But aren’t you supposed to always be fully in the present or something?

It isn’t a question of “supposed to be”. Every “supposed to” is an attempt to change this moment. Every “should” is a pressure that suppresses the pure, Living Flow of what is.

So we’re not supposed to have any shoulds. I should remember that.

Of course, trying not to have any shoulds is just adding another one on top of all the others.

And then you just keep shoulding on yourself.

Exactly. But when you let yourself fully be with what is, even if it isn’t what you think is supposed to be, you happen to find yourself in an ever deepening Living Present. And sometimes, what is in this Pure Present is excitement and eagerness and an uncontainable flow within the heart. Like a child, eagerly carrying a kite into a field, suddenly unable to wait any longer. But I’ll try to take it a bit slower. So, let’s move on.

* * * * * *

Yesterday, you were trying to understand why Pure Being created reality. You considered the possibility that it might have felt loneliness or boredom.

Yeah, but I was thinking about this last night, and that’s really just putting human emotions onto the Creator of Existence. Which I guess is anthropologicalism at its finest.

Anthropomorphism?

That too. I mean, it seems like any reasons we could come up with are based on our particular experience of reality, not the Source’s.

It’s true that we can’t figure out any correct answers about this with our intellects. But there are other ways of knowing. Many who have directly experienced the Source have also experienced moments of profound insight into the dynamics involved in the creation of form. These insights do not easily translate into the language of the intellect, but it’s possible to obtain a rudimentary and imperfect conceptual understanding of them.

Lao-tzu said “The Tao is called the Great Mother: empty yet inexhaustible, it gives birth to infinite worlds.” Empty, yet inexhaustible. It is emptiness. The Void. The Abyss. Yet it is superabundant and overflowing. This is a great paradox. And yet, it has often been described this way, in both Eastern and Western traditions.

The Source is inexhaustible. It’s overflowing with infinite superabundance. So, in regard to the creation of manifest reality, it was not that Pure Being was not enough by itself, or that it didn’t have enough. It was that the Source was too much and had too much. Too much to contain within itself as itself. The intensity of this pure, empty Light is impossible for our minds to grasp. Within that Light is infinite Joy, infinite Awareness, and infinite Creative Ability. I think of these words beginning with capital letters, because there is an ungraspable difference in order of magnitude between these qualities as they describe ourselves and these qualities of Pure Being.

Hold on. You’ve described the Essence as being pre-prism, before duality and opposites. But you’re also saying it has infinite joy. Isn’t joy half of an opposite?

Joy, as a quality of Essence, is not half of a dichotomy. Joy is a natural, ever-present quality. Within Sol, there is Oneness. There is infinite Awareness, infinite Energy, infinite Aliveness, infinite Beingness and infinite Love. How could Joy not be present?

I’m not sure if I can get this out, but it seems like opposites are like a wave pattern. I mean, if you take away all opposites, it’s like a straight line. A base line. Then if you add joy as a wave lifting off the line, you have to add its opposite, maybe sorrow or despair, as an equal wave that dips down. There can’t be the potential for one without the potential for the other. But you’re saying that there is.

I know it’s difficult to see beyond our dualistic level of reality. I’m saying that the baseline of Essence has the quality of Joy. We tend to think that both joy and despair are extremes, so the base line must be in the middle. But I would call that baseline deadness. Perhaps in our experiences joy is an unusual thing, but this is more a reflection of how lost we are than a reflection of the baseline of Essence. My friend, it is Joy, not deadness, that is the natural state of existence!

So before the creation of the different levels of reality there was all this joy, awareness, and creativity within the Essence.

Infinite Joy. Infinite Awareness. And not only infinite Creativity, but infinite Creative Ability as well. The potential to manifest anything into form.

And it was too much to contain, too much to hold in.

Yes. Sometimes we’re bursting with excitement. Sometimes we cannot contain ourselves. Sometimes we have an overwhelming desire to create.

Or procreate, as the case may be.

And sometimes we’re overflowing with joy. Imagine having all of these dynamics constantly, with a limitless ability to create from such a space. Then you can begin to glimpse a fraction of the creative impulse and power of Ultimate Reality. The artist’s passion to express, the exuberant determination of an acorn to become an oak tree, the fertilization, incubation, and birth of new life, the tendency of any body of water to at times break free from that which contains it, all of this hints towards the dynamics involved in the manifestation of the many levels of reality. That process was as natural as childbirth. There was, within the Source, a superabundance. An uncontainable impulse to burst forth.

The great Sneeze of Creation. I know. Snot funny.

The great Song of Creation. We are the song of Sol.
Many waves, one Ocean Many movements, one Motion
Many candles, one Burning Many tears, one Yearning
The Living Silence sings this world into form
Many voices, many voices, one Song.

Did you write that?

It’s just another beautifully inadequate way to express the inexpressible. To speak the unspeakable. Sometimes simple poems flow. But the real poetry is in the space between the words.

Remember back, not too long ago, when I kind of knew what you were talking about? Oh wait, that wasn’t me. So here’s an easy little question for you. Where did this Source come from? I mean, if it was the creator of reality, what created it? It’s the old question: If God made us, who made God? Or as some kid put it, who does God pray to?

Sol as in Absolute. It’s the Uncreated. When one deeply experiences Pure Being, it becomes clear that there is nothing truly separate from it. Nothing other than it. There is nothing else. It’s all encompassing. There is no other that could have created it. Shankara wrote “Though One, Brahman is the cause of the many. There is no other cause. And yet, Brahman is independent of the law of causation.” And the Buddha said “When you see the unborn, uncreated, unconditioned, you are liberated from everything born, created and conditioned.” And Jesus said, in the Gospel of Thomas, “I am he who exists from the Undivided”. This Undivided, this Uncreated, this Formless First Cause, it’s the Ground of all being. It is the Source, the Prime Mover, the True Center, the Origin, the One, the Infinite, the Supreme.

The Head Honcho, the Big Boss, the Big Cheese. The God Father. The Kingpin. Mr. Big. The Founder and President of Existence.

Now then,–

–The Queen Bee. The Big Mama. Mama Mia. The Prima Vera. The Big Linguini.

Let me know when you’re done.

The Big Enchilada. The Big Burrito. The Big Chimichanga. The Big Chijuaja. The Big, that thing where they put pieces of sizzling beef and veggies in a tortilla. Man, right about now I could really go for some good, fresh, spicy, authentic, homemade Chinese food. Anyway, speaking of changing the subject, what’s with the Gospel of Thomas? It’s not in the Bible, is it? I mean, it might have been a runner up or something, but I don’t think it made the final four.

It’s one of many writings from around the time of Jesus that weren’t selected by the church council to be included in the traditional Bible.

So you mean there were a bunch of different writings floating around, and some priests got together to decide which ones to declare holy?

Basically.

Well, not that I’m skeptical about humans making divine decisions, but that sounds pretty hit and miss. And it sounds like Thomas missed. Maybe he should have had a better agent. I’m sure complimentary wine for the council would’ve done the trick. Or maybe little fish key chains.

His account of the words of Jesus is considered by many scholars to be at least as reliable as the “final four” gospels. You might find it interesting to read some of these alternative scriptures sometime.

Yeah, right. I mean, I haven’t even gotten around to reading the council-approved Bible yet. I used to always doze off after “In the beginning”. Once, I got all the way to the part where everyone was begetting everyone else, but that begot pretty boring.

So, moving on, it’s ungraspable to the intellect that Pure Being was not created. How can something exist that was not brought into existence? This makes no sense. Our abilities to reason were developed in response to this level of reality. And, as you’ve suggested, we tend to believe that all of reality must be set up the same way. It’s like a baby in the womb assuming that everything in existence must be womb-like. This is understandable. That is all it has experienced. And so with us.

There’s a joke about that. These twins are hanging out in the womb. And one asks the other, “Do you believe in life after birth?”

Yes, exactly. It’s so difficult to see beyond the perspective in which you have been embedded. The thirteenth century Sufi poet, Rumi, said “When you finally see through the veils to how things really are, you will keep saying again and again, ‘This is certainly not the way we thought it was!’”

If your entire existence has been on the bottom of an ocean, you won’t easily understand such concepts as waves, deserts, clouds, light, gravity, the sun or galaxies. It would be challenging enough for you to grasp that not all of reality is in water. How could there possibly be reality beyond water? For instance, there are levels of reality beyond time, in which time is known as an illusion. To our intellects, this is most troublesome.

Right now, there’s probably some bottom dweller mystic saying, “Don’t you get it? There are many levels of reality in which water doesn’t even exist!” Then he’d recount some story about the Great and Holy Worm that lifted him up into the indescribable heavens and then allowed him to return, to tell others about his out of water experience.

Now what bottom dweller in their right mind would believe such a tale?

Makes you wonder, though. What if there’s something out there fishing for us, and mystics are just the ones that got away?… I think I’m going to have weird dreams tonight. So how can there be levels of reality beyond time?

Let’s go about it this way. When we sit in a movie theater, we watch a story unfold. We experience the movement of time. We might watch Forrest Gump, for instance, grow up from a young boy into a man. Now, we don’t need to sit there for thirty years to have that experience.

As I recall, we had to sit there a hell of a long time though.

The point I’m trying to make is that when we watch a movie, we agree to suspend our knowledge of what is really going on. We choose to enter into the story, to buy into the illusion, even though we always know deep down that it isn’t real in the same way we are real. And fifty feet away, in another theater, other people are having a completely different experience, buying into a different time period, experiencing a different amount of time passing in the same two hours. Now,–

I think it was Forrest Gump who said, or maybe it was me, time is like a box of chocolates. If you have too much of it, it can give you a wait problem. Get it? A wait problem? See, that was kind of like a joke. But without the humor.

To continue, the person who runs the projector has a very different perspective than the audience. They haven’t entered into the illusion. So, what the audience perceives as unfolding over the course of two hours, they can see all at once when they look at the film reel. They could easily hold the entire film reel in their hands. Now, how much time goes by in the story while they are holding the film reel in their hands? At what specific moment within the story are they holding the film? These questions make no sense. Time has neither stopped nor continued in the story. None of the normal words to describe time apply to the story from the perspective of one who is outside of it, holding the film in their hands. The whole story is always right there. Every moment of it. If they wanted, they could look at any one frame, any moment of the story, and it would be frozen. So, although past, present, and future have meaning within the story, they have no meaning in relation to the story for the one who is holding the reel in their hands. Are you following me?

I’m trying.

Sometimes very. Now, we can take this metaphor a bit further, and imagine browsing in a film library. We’re not confined to any of those stories, but we could choose to experience any of them. We don’t need to start with the oldest time period depicted and work our way forward. Every moment of every story is available to us. It is all right there. We’re not bound by the progression of time as it is experienced within each story. We’re not affected by it. This is the true meaning of “eternity”. It’s not spanning through out all of time, lasting forever. It’s that which is beyond the illusion of time, completely unaffected by it.

The thirteenth century Christian mystic, Meister Eckhart, said “The now in which God created the first human being, and the now that we are experiencing at this moment, and the now in which the last human being will disappear are all the same now, for there is only one now.” From within the perspective of time, this is preposterous. But he realized this truth from the vantage of the cosmic film library, as it were. He was looking at the time stories of Earth from outside of them.

That actually makes some sense. But if eternity is outside of time, what’s it like? If there’s no time there, is everything just frozen, like one moment or frame of the movie? I mean, how can there be movement, fluidity, without time? And I guess the bottom dwellers ask, “How can you swim without water?” I just can’t picture what it would be like.

For two hours you sit in the theater, buying into the time illusion that is presented. It’s captivating enough that you let yourself forget the rest of your life for a while, and immerse yourself into the illusion. But when the movie is over, the possible experiences available to you are not reduced. They are greatly expanded. You don’t walk into the projection booth and just stare at the film reel. You remember more of your larger life, which you had temporarily allowed to recede into the back of your awareness, and you go on about your way. Reality is so much bigger outside of the time/space theater than it is within. Our intellect asks “But what else is there?” Yes, and so does the baby in the womb, as it ponders whether or not there could possibly be life after birth. Tomorrow then.

I’m definitely going to have weird dreams tonight.

I didn’t notice. I was too busy screaming. So, I have a question. Well, actually I have a ton of them, but this one’s been the most annoying. I can sort of get an image of the Source being like an infinite field of Light, and I can at least try to get a sense of it being like a great empty void. Not that I’ve been particularly successful with either. But when I try to put them together, forget it. How can it be both?

First let me say that there are many ways of perceiving Pure Essence. Through visual images, through sound, through feelings, and through more direct and immediate senses and experiences that have no physical or mental correlation on this level. And of course, no direct experience of the Source can be accurately described with concepts. But we must settle for the awkward blunderings of words when trying to describe that which is so far beyond them. That said, two of the more frequent ways it is experienced might be conceptualized as the Light and as the Void.

But they sound like total opposites.

Many people who experience the ocean would describe it as vibrant, ever-changing, and shimmering. They might describe the splashing waves and the cool, fresh, energizing breeze. This would all be true. And yet, if they experienced the ocean in its depths, they would have a very different perspective. Perhaps they would describe it as still, silent and dark. Both of these experiences are of the same ocean.

So the Void and the Light are like two different aspects of the same thing? Two different perspectives?

Yes. They are two different perceptions one might have of Ultimate Reality.

The Light is experienced as a medium, or as you said, a field, that is radiant, infinite, simple, empty, and completely clear. Saint Teresa of Avila described it as an “Infused brightness, a light which knows no night, but rather, as it is always light, nothing ever disturbs it.” And the tenth century Christian mystic, Symeon, the New Theologian,–

–I think his title might be a little outdated.

But his wisdom is not. He said “Our mind is pure and simple. When it is emptied of thought, it enters the pure and simple light of God, and finds nothing but the light.” This Light is pure, infinite Awareness. Consciousness without thought. It is vibrant, resplendent Oneness. It has no separation, no boundary, no structure, no duality, no subject or object, and no action. There is only fresh, luminous Being. Shankara wrote “The Atman, shining with its own light, causes this apparent universe. Its power is infinite. It is the source of all experience.” And the twelfth century sufi, Suhrawardi, wrote “…The Essence of the First, the absolute Light, God, gives constant illumination, whereby It is manifested and brings all things into existence, giving life to them by Its rays. Everything in the world is derived from the light of His Essence, and all beauty and perfection are the gifts of His bounty.” And Emerson tells us, “From within or from behind a light shines through us upon things and makes us aware that we are nothing, but the light is all.”

How come nobody knows about this stuff when so many people know about it?

What bottom dweller in their right mind would believe such a tale?

Well, sure, but when you have all these different people, from all these different centuries and cultures and backgrounds, describing the same things, what bottom dweller in their right mind would be content to keep on bottom dwelling like that’s all there is?

There are very many bottom dwellers among us who would prefer not to be told that there is more to dwell on than just bottoms. Maybe that should be rephrased. In any case, I do find it surprising that these maps are not known to more of those who are aware of a deep longing within them that nothing in this world can completely quench. They are longing for Home, and yet so many of them don’t understand what it is they are actually longing for. But as I’ve said, this is beginning to change.

Now, when one experiences this infinite Ocean of Light, it feels buoyant, spacious and free. There is no structure, no weight, no boundary. It feels absolutely liberating, absolutely energizing, and absolutely exhilarating. And yet, there is a calmness about it. A naturalness. One feels completely at home, completely relaxed, completely safe, completely loved, completely whole. One experiences a profound and unshakable well-being. The phrase “Perfect Peace” is understood through direct and intimate experience. And yet, this experience is so infinite and pure, such descriptions are far too limiting and heavy and complex to accurately express it. One simply IS. Satchitananda– Being, Awareness, Bliss. Complete contentment. Complete well-being. Pure Presence. Pure Awareness. Pure Love. No effort, no action, no trying, no shoulds, no form, no structure, no thought, no need, no longing. It’s the water that quenches our deepest thirst. We plunge into its luminous vastness, and dissolve into the Self.

Swami Yogananda said “Samadhi but extends my conscious realm, beyond the limits of the mortal frame, to the farthest boundary of eternity, where I, the Cosmic Sea, watch the little ego floating in me.” This Cosmic Sea is our origin, our Essence, and our destiny. It is our Home. The Upanishads tell us “As soon as you find it, you are free; you have found yourself; you have solved the great riddle; your heart forever is at peace. Whole, you enter the Whole. Your personal self returns to its radiant, intimate, deathless source.”

But this infinite ocean of luminous, immediate Awareness is not the only way Ultimate Reality is experienced. There is something even deeper, even more fundamental that can be experienced.

The Void.

The twentieth century German poet, Rilke, said “Be– and yet know the great void where all things begin, the infinite source of your own most intense vibration, so that, this once, you may give it your perfect assent.” And Leonardo Da Vinci wrote “Among the great things which are to be found among us, the Being of Nothingness is the greatest.” This Nothingness might be described as being even more simple, more pure, more fundamental than the Light. It is experienced as a majestic emptiness. An infinite, aware darkness. Lao-tzu said–

–Who’s this Loud Zoo guy?

He is said to be the author of the “Tao Te Ching”, written around twenty-five hundred years ago. In it, he wrote “Free from desire, you realize the mystery. Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations. Yet mystery and manifestations arise from the same source. This source is called darkness. Darkness within darkness. The gateway to all understanding.” This darkness is the Absolute, Brahman, that without qualities, the Nameless, the Godhead, the Uncreated. Philo wrote “He who thinks God has any quality and is not the One, injures not God, but himself.” And very similarly, in the Gospel of Thomas, Jesus said “Whoever believes that the All is deficient is himself deficient.”

It is because it has no attributes that it is sometimes thought of as Nothingness or Emptiness. John Erigena wrote “The term ‘Nothing’ signifies the ineffable, incomprehensible, and inaccessible brilliance of the divine goodness, which is unknown to all intellects, whether human or angelic, because it is super-essential and supernatural… What is properly judged to be above all essence is also known properly in every essence, and for this reason every visible and invisible creature can be called a theophany, that is, a divine appearance.” And the early twentieth century Jewish philosopher, Simone Weil, wrote “The good seems to us as a nothingness, since there is no thing that is good. But this nothingness is not unreal. Compared with it, everything in existence is unreal.” Listen to one of my favorite poems, attributed to Tzu Yeh, a Chinese woman who lived around the fourth century B.C.:

All night I could not sleep.
Because of the moonlight on my bed.
I kept on hearing a voice calling.
Out of Nowhere, Nothing answered “yes”.

I don’t get it.

Just let it be, without trying to get it. If I remember, I’ll say it again in a week or two. It might mean more to more to you then. So, this absolute nothingness is experienced as completely empty. It is the absence of all substance. It’s the absence of everything. It’s even the absence of absence! The ninth century Zen master, Huang-po, said “It does exist, but in a way too marvelous for us to comprehend. It is an existence that is beyond existence, a non-existence that is nevertheless existence.”

It’s incomprehensible to the intellect. No descriptions of it are adequate. No metaphors are satisfactory. This is why it has often been described through negation. It is not presence, not absence, not being, not non-being, not nothing, not something, and so forth. The sixth century Chinese Buddhist monk, Seng-ts’an, said “If you want to describe its essence, the best you can say is ‘Not-two’.” It is experienced as absolute emptiness, and yet often, simultaneously, as being dense and full. It’s full of its emptiness. It’s overflowing with emptiness. Plotinus wrote “It is exactly because there is nothing in It that all things come from It.”

And even though this nothingness is often experienced as dark, it can simultaneously be experienced as luminous. Shimmering. Scintillating. It is majestic, luminous Pure Darkness. Dionysius the Areopagite wrote “The simple, absolute and immutable mysteries of divine Truth are hidden in the super-luminous darkness of that silence which revealeth in secret. For this darkness, though of deepest obscurity, is yet radiantly clear; and, though beyond touch and sight, it more than fills our unseeing minds with splendors of transcendent beauty.”

How can it be luminous and dark at the same time?

This is how it is often experienced. It is darkness, and yet, it is completely overflowing with Energy and Awareness, which is frequently experienced as subtle yet exquisite luminosity.

The only way I can kind of picture this is by thinking of outer space. It’s vast, and mostly empty, but there is tremendous energy, and there are sparkles of light.

We can imagine space before there were any stars. A blackness alive with ungraspable amounts of simple and unstructured energy and potential.

So, there’s the Light, which is Ultimate Reality, and then there’s this luminous darkness, which is even more ultimate?

Sol as in Sun of Light. Many people have experienced this Sun. All of them experience Pure Awareness, Pure Being, Pure Love. All of them experience existence beyond duality, beyond dichotomies, beyond time, beyond space, beyond structure, beyond everything that has been created. There is only Oneness.

Now, some people who experience it find themselves in the brilliant light of the periphery of this Sun. They experience the radiance, the pure energy, the vibrancy. This is their experience of Ultimate Reality. Others experience the center of this Sun. There, all is still, silent, unchanging and dark, like the depths of an ocean. It is a shimmering, living, beautiful, gentle, loving, tender, peaceful Darkness. From this darkness, the infinite Pure Light can be perceived as the radiance which emanates from this Absolute Center. Or, the Light may be perceived as a luminous, wavering, shimmering surface, as the surface of an ocean looks from the depths. So, are they two different things? Yes. Are they two aspects of the same thing? Yes. Are they precisely the same thing perceived with different levels of clarity? Yes. Are they both Ultimate Reality? Yes. Is the Void more ultimate than the Light? Yes.

Thanks for clearing all that up for me.

The mind struggles. The heart nods.

The bladder cries out in dismay.

Shall we take a break?

No, just take it easy on the water metaphors for a while. I guess I shouldn’t drink so much pop for breakfast. Just trying to get the Recommended Daily Addiction of the essentials.

Sugar and caffeine?

Not to mention artificial preservatives.  Let your skin drink it in.

In any case, let me try to describe the Indescribable in a different way.

* * * * * *

Mystics in every major spiritual tradition describe experiencing two aspects of Ultimate Reality: First, the formless, empty, motionless Godhead, the Pure Brahman, the Creator, the Absolute, the Source, the Ground of all being. And second, God, the Light, the Spirit, the Living Word, the Sustainer, the Flowing Fountain of Essence. For the mystic, there is so much inexpressible beauty, so much absolutely exquisite bliss in the Flow of the Light. Yet, they want only to surrender it. To let go even of that most divine of forms. For beneath that final, most subtle veil lies the Formless, the Pure, the Unnamable, the Source, the Godhead. That which gives birth to all form. That is the Purest Truth, and so it is their greatest Beloved.

So the Godhead is like Absolute Reality, and then from that there’s like a flow of Essence that comes into the world. And you could call that God or the Spirit or the Light or whatever.

Yes. Of course, from the purest perspective, there is no difference, no duality. There is only the One. The eleventh century Jewish mystic, Ibn Gabirol, said “There is no distinction between Godhead, Unity, Eternity or Existence; for all is one mystery; and although each of these attributes is variously named, yet all of them point to One.” And listen to Ramakrishna: “When I think of the Supreme Being as inactive– neither creating nor preserving nor destroying– I call Him Brahman or Purusha, the Impersonal God. When I think of Him as active– creating, preserving, destroying– I call Him Shakti or Maya or Prakriti, the Personal God. But the distinction between them does not mean a difference. The Personal and the Impersonal are the same thing, like milk and its whiteness, the diamond and its luster… It is impossible to conceive of the one without the other. The Divine Mother and Brahman are one.”

But the way we’re talking about it now, Ultimate Reality is like the center of the sun, and the Light is like the rays.

Right. Eckhart wrote “Creatures speak of God– but why do they not mention the Godhead? Because there is only unity in the Godhead and there is nothing to talk about. God acts. The Godhead does not.” And the fourteenth century Christian mystic, Henry Suso, wrote “The immediate vision of the naked Godhead is without doubt the pure truth.” And Saint John of the Cross: “The Soul that is attached to anything, however much good there may be in it, will not arrive at the liberty of divine union.” Eckhart agrees: “… any object you have in your mind, however good, will be a barrier between you and the Inmost Truth.”

But hang on. It kind of sounds like if you’re really longing to be one with God, that will keep it from happening.

Exactly. The seventeenth century German priest, Johannes Scheffler, also known as Angelus Silesius, wrote “God is a pure no-thing, concealed in now and here: the less you reach for him, the more he will appear.” And the eleventh century Sufi, Hamid al Ghazali, wrote “The final goal of love is to become bare as a desert. Just before this ultimate station is reached, the form of the Beloved appears in all its perfection and falls as an obstacle between lover and love.” He goes on to tell us that we must remove this final veil. When you let go of your attachment to every face of your Beloved, you dissolve into that Faceless Truth, the Pure, unchanging, infinite Still Point at the center of existence. Saint Augustine wrote “That alone is truly real which abides unchanged.”

As long as there is something, anything, that you are holding onto or trying to get, there is more to let go of. There is farther to fall. The fourteenth century friar, John Tauler, put it this way: “… Never cease to enter in; entering ever further in, ever nearer, so as to sink the deeper in an unknown and unnamed abyss; and, above all ways, images and forms, and above all powers, to lose thyself, deny thyself, and even unform thyself… In this lost condition nothing is to be seen but a ground which rests upon itself, everywhere one Being, one Life.” Says Eckhart, “Here the soul and the Godhead are one.” Hadewijch the Second, the name given to an anonymous thirteenth century nun, wrote–

–So there was a Hadewijch the First? You don’t hear about a lot of mother-daughter nuns these days.

Some of the writings that had been attributed to the thirteenth century nun, Hadewijch of Antwerp, have a different style and vocabulary. So scholars think it was a different writer, that they call Hadewijch the Second. Whoever she was, she was unwavering in her free fall into the Divine Depths . She said “If I desire something, I know it not, for in boundless unknowing I have lost my very self. In His mouth I am engulfed, in a bottomless abyss; never could I come out of it.” The true lover of God or Reality or Essence wants nothing more than to let go of every form of God, and die into the Superabundant Abyss of the Godhead, the Absolute, the Nectarous Void of Pure Being.

Listen to the fourteenth century Christian mystic, John Ruysbroeck. “The infinite Undifferentiation of the Godhead is so dark and so naked of all image, that it conceals within itself all the divine qualities and works… and here there is a death in fruition, and a melting and dying into the nudity of Pure Being; where all the Names of God, and all conditions, and all the living images which are reflected in the mirror of divine truth, are absorbed into the Ineffable Simplicity, the Absence of image and of knowledge… There is nothing else here but an eternal rest in the fruitive embrace of an outpouring love; and this is the wayless Being that all interior souls have chosen above all other things. This is the dim silence where all lovers lose themselves.”

I didn’t follow most of that, but that last part sounded more scary than comforting.

There can be terrifying moments at first. Resting in the infinite, superabundant, gentle Emptiness of the Mother of Existence is only possible when we have shed all of the false skins we believe ourselves to be. In “The Chronicles of Narnia”, the greed of the boy, Eustace, turned him into a dragon. Aslan the great lion came to him and cut deeply into his tough dragon skin with razor claws, peeling away layer after layer of all that was not an innocent child. We can imagine it was the most excruciating, terrifying ecstasy. The pain of liberation.

The anonymous fourteenth century author of “The Theologia Germanica” wrote “No one can be enlightened unless he be first cleansed or purified and stripped.” The pure child within is completely unscarred by this stripping away of our heavy dragon skins. But no matter how many times we hear this, as these false selves begin to fall away, it usually feels as though we are being torn away from Life. All that we thought we were is cast aside. We believe this will be the end of our existence, and so we resist it with all our might. And Aslan, would never free us of our skins without our absolute permission. The truth is, once we’re honestly willing to let them fall away, they do so on their own. They only cling to us because of our desperate grip. And once our old skins are gone, there is finally room for something new and pure to replace them.

That kind of reminds me of the seeds of some pine trees. They can’t break out of their cones until they’re exposed to the heat of a forest fire. So they can’t grow till all the life on the surface gets burned to the ground.

Exactly! The old must die for the new to be born. Before the butterfly can emerge, the caterpillar must fall apart and die to itself. It must allow its outer structure to dissolve into a chrysalis that is completely helpless, completely vulnerable, and absolutely lame. To the old you, it’s hell. The hell of metamorphosis.

.There’s this joke: These two young caterpillars are walking along and they see a butterfly fluttering around. So one says to the other, “You’d never catch me up in one of those things!” I guess the point is, before it’s happened, you don’t really have a clue what you’re going to become.

That’s true. You just know that the old you, the only one you know, will be finished. So let me return your story with another one. One morning, an old caterpillar was crawling along when a beautiful butterfly fluttered down beside him. The caterpillar looked up, startled and amazed. “Are you an angel?” he asked. The butterfly asked him, “What is an angel?” “Well”, the caterpillar said. “I’ve never seen one, but some say they are real. I’ve heard they look like us, except they have beautiful wings. And they use them to fly to places we can only dream about. And I’ve heard, that instead of eating leaves, they actually drink the sweet nectar of flowers!” The butterfly laughed and said, “Well then, I must be an angel.” Then, with a gentle smile, she asked him, “Tell me, old worm, have you ever thought of spinning yourself a nice warm cocoon?” At this, the caterpillar sighed heavily. “Beautiful creature,” he said. “I have often felt the longing. But I have no time for just lying around in a hammock. It takes me all day just to crawl from tree to tree.”

But we’ve jumped ahead again. We’ll talk more of this shedding of our false skins in the coming days. So, let’s move on.

* * * * * *

I want us to discuss a basic conceptual model of how the Source manifests itself into reality. Now as I’ve mentioned several times, all of the layers of reality and everything in them are all Essence. So, we have the Source as infinite, pure, aware Oneness, and we have the Source as it exists in all the levels of manifest reality. This post-prism part of Sol, vast as it is, is an infinitesimal part of the Essence.

Now, in simplest terms, we may understand the post-prism Essence as consisting of two different aspects, that might be called Pure Awareness and structure. Pure Awareness retains all of the original attributes of the Source. It’s the Source unaltered. Pure Awareness is Essence. However, structure, while it is still Essence at its most fundamental level, organizes itself in a way that it no longer has the properties of the Source, just as, in our level of reality, energy organizes itself in a way that gives it the properties of matter. It is still energy, and it becomes matter. Likewise, structure is still Essence, and it becomes something different. It takes on different properties. So, the post-prism Pure Awareness never becomes something other than Solness, while the post-prism structure does. Are you following me?

If I am it’s from pretty far behind. I mean, that was in simplest terms? I guess I’m out of shape for these mental marathons. These days, just about everything comes in easy to swallow, pre-dissolved info-bites. The modern motto is, “If you can’t sum it up with a slogan, simplify it till you can.” It’s all ten second sound bites nowadays. If you want to reach the masses, you’ve got to cater to their short attention span.

And you’re asking me to cater to yours?

Sorry? I tuned out in the middle of your question.

I’ll take that as a “yes”.

At least take it a little slower. What do you mean by “structure”?

We spoke the other day of the post-prism Essence being both a matrix around which everything in every level of reality manifests, and the stuff out of which everything that is in reality is formed. Both of these are structures. By structure, I mean any kind of form. Any kind of matrix, pattern, formation or system. Every thing in every layer of created reality, from the most subtle to the most dense, is all structure. Structures range from the most simple, which are the least removed from the Essence, to the most complex, which exist in our level of reality. What we normally think of as solid matter is made of complex energetic structures, which are made of more simple structures, which are made of more simple structures, all the way back to the most simple structures, which are organized into existence directly out of the Source. Everything that is not Pure Essence is structure.

Okay.

Now, if there is only Oneness, Beingness, Essence, how can its infinite superabundance overflow in a way that creates? If it only creates more Essence, then that Essence would stay merged within the Oneness and nothing new or different would be created. It would have only created more of its infinite self. So, it must create something from itself that is different than itself. Otherwise, it isn’t creating. It’s just adding to its already overflowing self. Does that much make sense?

I think so. If it’s overflowing with infinite creative potential, it has to create something other than itself, or else it really isn’t creating anything, it’s just adding to itself, and it’s already overflowing. If all this superabundance just keeps going back into itself, sooner or later it’s bound to be so overflowing, so superabundant, so charged, if that word works, that all of that creative impulse and ability creates something beyond itself. Different from itself. The cosmic sneeze.

Yes, exactly. Now, Infinite Essence is all there is. There is nothing else. There is nothing beyond it. The term “beyond it” doesn’t even apply. It cannot create anything outside of itself. It cannot create something outside of its boundaries, for Essence has no boundaries. No edges, no end, no external limits at all. So, whatever it creates must be within itself. It cannot create something “over there”. Anything created by Pure Being must be created within it.

Yeah! You’ve said we’re always in this Essence. Well now that makes some sense. It’s infinite. There’s nothing beyond it. So everything finite must be within it!

Exactly. The fifteenth century priest, Nicholas of Cusa, wrote “I see Thee to be Infinity Itself, wherefore nothing is alien to Thee, nothing differing from Thee, nothing opposed to Thee. For the Infinite allows no otherness from Itself, since, being Infinity, nothing exists outside It: absolute Infinity includes and contains all things.”

So we’re always within the Source! It’s not up there somewhere, someplace else. We’re in it! Everything is in it! It seems so obvious now. So simple.

The Infinite is absolute Simplicity. It’s the finite that becomes so complex. Now, for the Source to create something different from itself, with different properties than itself, but that is also within itself, it must create something that allows difference, separation, boundary. It must create some simple membrane, some wall, some division that allows for separateness. It must create structure. Structure doesn’t retain the infinite and boundless properties of Sol. We could say that structure takes that infiniteness and focuses it on developing more structure, on becoming more complex, on creating all that can be created from itself. It is the very nature of structure to create infinite combinations of structure with all of the creative energy and power of its inherent and infinite Solness. In a sense, this is its program, its directive. To organize itself with ever increasing complexity. So, the creative tension, the uncontainable impulse of the superabundant, overflowing Source resulted in the creation of something from itself that had different properties than itself, and that would continue to be an outlet for its limitless creative energy. And this happened through the arising of structure, with its inherent tendency towards diversity and complexity.

This is kind of scary. I think I’m actually starting to follow you. You know, I remember reading that in the beginning of the universe, hydrogen and helium were the only two elements. Then they formed stars that created more complex elements. And from those elements planets were formed, and on our planet those elements combined in more and more complex ways, until eventually life developed. And life has evolved into more and more complex systems as well, which led to a species that actually consciously creates more and more complex physical and mental structures. My theory is that all of this is leading up to us reaching the pinnacle of human ingenuity, which will happen with the arrival of the implanted computer/iphone with built in surround sound and a contact lens screen display. At which point things will pretty much start to fall apart and go in reverse until there’s just a lot of helium and hydrogen again, so that if any humans do manage to survive, they’ll talk really funny.

Anyway, what really hit me about this is that all of the atoms that make up the Earth were once in stars. So, our skin, our eyes, our blood, our hearts, our entire physical bodies, are made up of atoms that were once part of a flaming sun! We literally came from the stars! I think that’s amazing.

What a gift, friend! The atoms in the air we breathe, in the water we drink, in the food we eat, each one of them has had an amazing journey! What secrets do these atoms hold? How many lives have they lived? And what is this body I wear, but a trillion sparks of an ancient sun, dancing together in celebration and remembrance. Ahhh, we have danced together before, long ago. And with every breath, new atoms join in the dance, and others whirl outward for a new adventure. Rich journey friends! I have been honored by your shimmering presence!

Twinkle, twinkle ancient star, how I’ve wondered where you are. Now I know the answer true. You’re inside me! I’m inside you!

Our bodies came from ancient suns. Suns the Source created. But we, we are the ancient ones. The stars are over rated!

“The stars are over rated”?

It was all I could think of. Here’s a better one:–

–Maybe you should quit while you’re behind.

No, this one’s from Rilke: “A billion stars spinning through the night, blazing high above your head. But IN you is the presence that will be, when all the stars are dead.”

I actually like that one. Anyway, I just mentioned that because you were talking about structure becoming more complex.

Yes, and what a wonderful example! Amazing. All right. Let’s continue.

* * * * * *

Now, because of the infinite creative potential within the Source, it can’t help but create ways to manifest this superabundant potential into actuality. Plotinus wrote “The One, perfect because It seeks nothing and needs nothing, overflows, as it were, and Its superabundance makes something, as it were, other than Itself, which is Being.” The existence of structure or form or being provides an incredible outlet for this creative potential. And yet, the limitless creativity of the Source found a way to increase the creative potential of this outlet to an ungraspable degree.

You recall that the second post-prism aspect, what I’m calling “Pure Awareness”, retains all of the original attributes of Essence. And yet, this awareness, which is not different from Essence, becomes an aspect of created reality. How? If the superabundance of Sol is unceasingly creating more Solness, what could keep some of that Solness, which we could also call Pure Awareness, from melting right back into the Source? What could let it become differentiated? Separate? Distinctive?

I don’t know. Some kind of a boundary. Some kind of structure, I guess.

Exactly. Structure. All that is needed to separate a little ocean water from a vast ocean is a small container. The water is still in and of the ocean, but the container around it creates different possibilities for it than it had when it was completely undifferentiated from the ocean. Likewise, all that is needed to separate some of the Essence from the entire Essence is a basic structure, a boundary, a container of sorts. If the Essence is like an ocean, structure is like ice, made of the same element, but organized more solidly. Structural boundaries open the door to entirely new creative possibilities.

So, we have the Essence. Then we have structure, which is created from the Essence. And even though it is Essence, structure doesn’t keep the attributes of Essence.

Like energy that makes up matter is still energy, but it doesn’t keep the attributes it had when it was just energy.

Right. So structure begins very simply, and then organizes itself into more and more complex patterns and forms. And through this process, the various levels of reality were created, and filled in with an endless variety of structures.

And because the Source is absolutely infinite, without end or boundaries, all of this is happening inside of it.

Yes. There is no outside. Now there are also simple structures that serve as boundaries or containers which keep the Pure Awareness or Solness that is within them differentiated from the rest of Essence. Since one way to understand Sol is as the Light, one way to conceptualize these many individual, separate, differentiated parts of Essence is as sparks of Light. The structural boundaries that allow for the existence of these individual sparks of Light allow them to have different experiences, different configurations, different qualities. In other words, uniqueness. Now, what is another word we might use to refer to one of these individual sparks of Light? What else might we call it?

A soul! You’re talking about souls!

Exactly!

So a soul is just a part of the Essence that has a boundary around it that makes it separate!

Right. Or, more accurately, that structural boundary, that thinnest of structural membranes, creates a powerful illusion of separateness. As we will discuss, structure can never truly contain or limit Pure Awareness. But you are correct that the essence of a soul is the Essence itself. They are the same Essence. Plotinus wrote “The differentiated souls issue from the Unity and strike out here and there, but are united at the Source much as light is a divided thing on earth, shining in this house and that, and yet remains one. One Soul is the source of all souls; It is at once divided and undivided… All Being, despite this plurality, is Unity still.” And Saint Bernard wrote, in the twelfth century,–

–There was really some guy named Saint Bernard?

Yes.

Did he slobber?

I will continue.

Please do.

He said “In those respects in which the soul is unlike God, it is also unlike itself.” And the thirteenth century Sufi, Ibn Arabi, said “When the mystery of the oneness of the soul and the Divine is revealed to you, you will understand that you are no other than God.” And Eckhart wrote “The Ground of God and the Ground of the soul are one and the same.”

Our Essence is the Essence. This may be the most important and fundamental truth of reality. Our true identity is the Source. The Center of our being is Pure Being. This has been discovered and rediscovered countless times throughout the centuries. The Upanishads: “You are That.” Muhammad: “Whoever knows himself knows God.” Jesus: “I and my Father are one.” Eckhart: “My eye and God’s eye are one eye, one seeing, one knowing, one love.” Saint Catherine of Genoa: “My Me is God, nor do I recognize any other me except my God Himself.” The tenth century Sufi, Mansur al-Hallaj: “I am He whom I love, and He whom I love is I.” Shankara: “As Brahman constitutes a person’s Self, it is not something to be attained by that person.”

All who have deeply experienced the Source intimately realize that it’s not separate from their own being. Jesus: “The kingdom of Heaven is within you.” Kabir: “My beloved master lives inside”. Walt Whitman: “There is no other god any more divine than yourself.” Yazid al-Bistami: “I sloughed off my self as a snake sloughs off its skin. Then I looked into myself and saw that I am He.” And again, Eckhart: “Simple people imagine that they should see God, as if He stood there and they here. This is not so. God and I, we are one.”

In Saint Teresa of Avila’s writings, God tells her “And should by chance you do not know were to find me, do not go here and there; But if you wish to find Me, in yourself seek Me.” And Rumi echoes, “…Finally, when I peered into my own heart, there and no where else was His Home.” Saint Augustine put it this way: “Too late I loved You, oh Beauty so ancient yet ever new! Too late I loved You! And, behold, You were within me, and I out of myself, and there I searched for You.” And Madame Guyon Du Chesnoy, a seventeenth century Christian mystic, wrote “O, my Lord, you were within my heart, and you asked of me only that I should return within, in order that I might feel your presence. O, Infinite Goodness, you were so near, and I, running here and there to seek you, found you not!

The ninth century Zen master, Tung-shan, wrote “If you look for the truth outside yourself it gets farther away. Today, walking alone, I meet him everywhere I step. He is the same as me, yet I am not him. Only if you understand it in this way will you merge with the way things are.” And the thirteenth century Sufi poet, Fakhruddin Iraqi, said “Beloved, I sought You here and there, asked for news of You from all I met. Then I saw You through myself, and found we were identical. Now I blush to think I ever searched for signs of You.” And similarly, the fourteenth century Indian poet and mystic, Lalla, said “Playfully, you hid from me. All day I looked. Then I discovered I was you, and the celebration of That began.”

They’re all saying the same thing. I looked everywhere, then I found you in me. The Real me is You.

Yes, it is such an amazing, profound moment when we truly realize:

For so long, I searched for you
But you always seemed another step away
Until somehow, through Grace, I saw the Truth
And I’m grateful and humbled more than words can say

You’re closer than the wind on my face
Closer than these tears in my eyes
Closer than the tightest embrace
Closer than this heart that keeps me alive

You are the Mother of all that lives
The Essence of all that flows
The Pure Heart in all that lives
You are the Center of the soul

So when mystics talk about being one with God, they’re talking about being one with this Center. With Essence.

Yes. One with the Divine. One with the Source. One with Ultimate Reality. One with the Uncreated. One with Pure Being. One.

When all the layers of structure you have been attached to are released, you experience Pure Layerlessness. Pure Structurelessness. Limitless, boundaryless Oneness. All is One. All is Essence. All is Self. All is the Purest Love, the Purest Being. Saint Catherine of Genoa said “Sometimes I do not see or feel myself to have either soul, body, heart, will or taste, or anything else except Pure Love.” Am I overloading you with all these quotes?

No, I like them. It’s kind of in one ear and out the other, but it’s interesting to hear how all these different people are basically saying the same things. Although, I think I’ve got it figured it out. You’re really reading all these quotes from a prototype pair of nano-computer contact lens screens.

You’re on to me.

You know, you can probably get them cheaper if you don’t mind advertisements flashing on them all day long.

I’ll have to look into that. In any case, once we deeply realize that our true self is actually Essence, the small self can be seen as a vessel for its spontaneous expression. Shakespeare wrote “The empty vessel makes the greatest sound.” We are no longer attached to this vessel. We no longer grasp it tightly with our own agendas and control. We let the Flow of Essence move through us, as we endlessly fall into the fathomless depths of Pure Being. Eckhart wrote “… For though she sinks all sinking in the oneness of divinity, she never touches bottom. For it is of the very essence of the soul that she is powerless to plumb the depths of her creator. And here one cannot speak of the soul anymore, for she has lost her nature yonder in the oneness of divine essence. There she is no more called soul, but is called Immeasurable Being.”

In this most pristine, intimate, immediate experience of what is, the perception of separation and duality dissolves. Hamid al-Ghazali wrote “When multiplicity has been eliminated, unity is established and relationship ceases… There remains only the One, the Real, and the meaning of the words ‘All things perish except for His face’ is known by experience.” And Saraha wrote “In this state of highest bliss there is neither self nor other… Everything is Buddha without exception.” The subject and the object, the actor and the action, the cause and the effect, the creator and the created, are all seen in their pristine unity. Seng-ts’an, wrote “When the ten thousand things are viewed in their oneness, we return to the Origin, and remain where we have always been.” Listen to Ramakrishna: “It is God Himself who has become everything; whatever I see is only a form of God. It is He alone who has become maya, the universe, and all living beings. Nothing exists but God.” And Rumi: “I have put duality away, I have seen that the two worlds are one: one I seek, one I know, one I see, one I call. He is the first, he is the last. He is the outward, he is the inward.”

Okay. That’s probably getting pretty close to quote overload. Or at least maybe just spread them out a little more. So what’s maya?

This dream. All of the created levels of reality that seem as an illusion when compared to the Pure Light of the Real. But they are not separate from this Ultimate Reality. Nothing is other than the One. And when we’re fully resting within the Heart of Pure Essence, we see this to be true. I can’t help quoting Rumi again here. “Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down on that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase ‘each other’ doesn’t make any sense.”

This is the place the maps lead to. This is the place where the journey of the soul begins and ends. We lie on that grass, close our eyes, and imagine grand adventures. And Essence is our very being, and it is the grass, and it is a cozy blanket that embraces us while we dream. It creates for us a magnificent stage, on which the fable of a great journey is enacted. Very convincingly. But in truth, the prodigal son never left. No ray of Light ever leaves the Heart of Sol. For that Heart is endless. And we are never other than it.

Okay. I can understand the idea that, if our essence is the Essence itself, we’re essentially the Essence. But obviously there’s something else going on. I mean, what the hell happened? We don’t exactly have the same qualities as you say the Essence has. Personally, I don’t feel particularly blissful or luminous or infinite most of the time. Although my bladder is getting pretty close to overflowing with superabundance.

We’ve been discussing how reality can be seen as dimorphic, meaning existing in two different forms: Essence, which some traditions refer to as “the Self”, and structure. Your Self is the Self. However, our individual selves, or souls, are encapsulated in structure. The farther we enter into manifest reality, the heavier and thicker structure becomes, and the stronger the pull to identify with structure as opposed to our True Self. In this level of reality, most of us are so immersed in structures– physical, psychological, and energetic– that we have all but completely forgotten what we really are. It’s not actually the heavy structures of this world that are the problem. It is our identification and attachment to them. It is the supreme value we give them. We’ll discuss this more in a few days.

So, a soul is encapsulated in a structural boundary that creates the experience of being a differentiated individual. It can now have unique experiences, and create in unique ways. It can now interact. It can make choices. It can dissolve into and withdraw from the Source as it likes. It can commune with other souls if it wishes. It can explore the various levels of reality if it chooses.

How can a soul enter and leave the Source if it has a structural boundary around it? And what makes one soul different from another if they all have the same Essence? And what do you mean by communing with other souls? And while I’m at it, where did moths gather before there was artificial lighting? You know? Where did they hang out? I mean, did they try to fly to the moon? Did they try to catch up with lightning? Did they chase fire flies around? It’s a hell of a mystery.  And why do fire extinguishers have a warning that says “Keep away from high temperatures”? Now there’s a well designed piece of equipment.

And here’s another one that really bugs me. Why are hunters most proud of themselves when they hit the biggest target? You know? I mean, how hard can it really be to shoot an elephant? Or a moose or a bear? When you think about it, if they really want to prove how good they are, they should see how small an animal they can kill. They could go on their hunting trips and come back with a little hamster tied to the roof of their car.  “Hey, Billy Bob, what’s that mounted on your wall there, next to the cock roach?” “That there’s a Southwestern Grasshopper. Two point buck.”And see that little black speck mounted next to it? That’s a flea. I shot that sucker right in the air, just as it was jumping off Junior!  And see that tiny dot next to it? Here, use my new Swiss Army knife with an electron microscope.” “Damn! You shot yourself a cold virus! Looks like strain 266B, if I’m not mistaken. They’re quick little suckers too. I shot one once. Used a Smith and Wesson Micro-Dart. I just wounded it though. It probably got an infection and died later on.

Maybe we could get back on track.

Are you sure? I could go on for a while if you want.

Quite sure.

Alright, but it’s your loss.

* * * * * *

So how can a soul enter and leave the Essence?

Clearly, if people can experience the Source, in spite of all of the structures between it and our level of reality, a soul unencumbered by all those layers can as well. Plotinus wrote “You can only apprehend the Infinite by a faculty superior to reason, by entering into a state in which you are your finite self no longer– in which the divine essence is communicated to you. This is ecstasy. Like can only apprehend like; when you thus cease to be finite, you become one with the infinite. In the reduction of your soul to its simplest self, its divine essence, you realize this union– this identity.”

There is so much in these words! This reduction of our soul to its simplest self is the dis-identification from structure. Our simplest self is nothing other than Pure Being. When we let go of all that is not our True Self, our True Self is all that remains. The twentieth century sage, Ramana Maharshi, described this as a process of letting go of our habit of seeing the unreal as real. He said “When we stop regarding the unreal as real, then reality alone will remain, and we will be that.” To put it another way,–

–Please.

Once we are able to truly see structure for what it is, subordinate to Pure Awareness, to Essence, to our True Nature, to our Self, then we will no longer be confined by it, and it will no longer keep us from realizing our true identity, Essence itself. This is the meaning of Self realization– to experientially and continuously realize that our self is the Self. In the ancient Indian epic, “The Ramayana”, Hanuman tells the Lord, “When I identify with the body, I am your servant. When I identify with the soul, I am a part of You. But when I identify with the Self, I am truly You.”

Will you say that one again?

“When I identify with the body, I am your servant. When I identify with the soul, I am a part of You. But when I identify with the Self, I am truly You.” Beautiful, isn’t it?

So all those people you were quoting were basically saying they were one with God. That they were experiencing themselves as the Self, which is the same as Pure Being. It’s like the purest part of us that’s always there.

Exactly. The Center of the soul. This is not just being aware of our soul as a part of God, but dissolving away even those boundaries, so that there is no longer any boundary between our consciousness and Pure Consciousness. This is re-membering our True Self. In the twelfth century, Hugh of Saint Victor wrote “To ascend to God is to enter into oneself, and not only to enter into oneself, but, in some unsayable manner, in the inmost parts to pass beyond oneself. He who can, as it were, enter into himself and, going deeper and deeper, pass beyond himself, truly ascends to God.” And Eckhart wrote “As the soul becomes more pure and bare and poor, and possesses less of created things, and is emptied of all things that are not God, it receives God more purely, and is more completely in Him; and it truly becomes one with God.”

But even when we aren’t there yet, our Essence is still always that.

And so it is not truly locked into this world. Even when we’re identified with our small selves, what we always truly are is never actually trapped in these heavy bodies and minds. The Self, the Essence, is the first cause, the most fundamental. And so it cannot truly be contained by structure, which is less fundamental, and therefore subordinate to it. A dream is subordinate to the dreamer. Without the dreamer, there can be no dream. But when we find ourselves in a dream, we usually forget that our dream is subordinate to us. We forget our primacy. And so, we find ourselves subject to and confined by the plot and limitations of the dream. We become stuck within it, at its mercy. We have forgotten that there is so much more to us than the way we are presently experiencing ourselves.

Compared to Essence, structure is superficial. But through the process of identifying with structure, the soul begins to forget its True Nature. It begins to forget that structure cannot confine it. It comes to believe that the immediacy and intensity of the world of structure must be accompanied by the primacy of it. And, as it believes, so it is. But before a soul begins to sink into complexity, it finds it quite easy to dis-identify with the thin membrane of structure that creates the experience of separateness. And so, it can fully experience itself as its True Nature, Infinite Essence, as it wishes. Listen to Plotinus again: “Souls are apart without partition; they are no more hedged off by boundaries than are the multiple items of knowledge in one mind. The one Soul so exists as to include all souls.”

That actually makes some sense.

Good. Now, I believe your second question was how can each soul be unique. Care to give it a try?

I don’t know. But it seems like the individuality would have to come from the structures and experiences and all. The pure Essence might be all the same, but the structures wouldn’t have to be. Like you might say: One Light. Many sparks.

Yes, exactly.

Feel free to use that in your next talk. No charge.

The twentieth century Indian master, Meher Baba, said “All souls are infinite and eternal. They are formless. All souls are One; there is no difference in Souls or in their being and existence as Souls. There is difference in the consciousness of Souls… there is difference in the experience of Souls and there is difference in the state of Souls.” So the Essence of each soul is identical. It is their different experiences, their different interactions, and their different structural patterns that create their uniqueness.

I believe your third question was about souls communing with each other. When one is fully experiencing Essence, one experiences absolute intimacy. We tend to assume that intimacy requires two: yourself and another. It’s true that this is the way we usually go about experiencing it. But the feelings of connectedness, contentment, well-being, security, peace, openness, armorlessness, tenderness, meltingness, boundarylessness, and love that merge together into the feeling of intimacy do not require an other to experience. The Essence is “not-two”. There is no other. There is also no separation. When one merges with Essence, all of the layers have been removed. All of the structure. One experiences Essence fully and completely, without the slightest boundaries. This experience is one of absolute intimacy.

Now, a soul can choose to experience this absolute intimacy of Oneness. But it can also experience otherness, differentiation. This creates a new possibility for intimacy: that of merging into another. Two beings come together and experience the Oneness, the Essence, that is the True Nature of them both. While their structures are different, their Essence is the same. This communion is exquisitely beautiful. Two hearts literally merging into one, while simultaneously dissolving into the One Heart of God. It is experiencing Pure Being, while sharing this experience with another, while also experiencing the subtle flavors, the aromas, the colorings, the textures, the harmonies that are unique to the other. Of course, communion is also an important part of the human experience. But the dense structures of this level of reality usually greatly dilute and diminish the experience of merging hearts. Yet we can often still sense the truth and beauty in it, the pure communion into Oneness that it represents and sometimes touches.

All right. Enough for today. Now, my friend, I shall take a walk towards the evening sun, in gratitude for its radiant sustenance. And I will send it greetings from the ancient sparks of its ancestors, that now dance within me.

The early twentieth century Russian poet, Anna Akhamatova, wrote “Sunset in the ethereal waves; I cannot tell if the day is ending, or the world, or if the secret of secrets is inside me again.”

You mean it’s kind of like a story or a myth?

Right. Anytime we gain any knowing of deeper levels of reality, it is always filtered through our own limited mind before we can conceptually understand it. And then when we try to convert that understanding into something that can be communicated, it brings it further into the limitations of ideas we can relate to in this world. So, as I go into this, rather than struggling with the accuracy of each detail, you can take in the overall sense of it, and just see how it feels.

Lay it on me.

So, the most subtle layer of structural reality is what we might conceptualize as a community of souls. In this level, structure only exists in a very simple and basic way, primarily as the structural boundary around souls. Beings of Light in this level are free to enter and leave the Light as they wish, meaning they can experience themselves as their true and infinite Essence, and they can also experience existence within the perspective of their individual structural boundaries. While it may sound paradoxical, they can experience both aspects of their existence simultaneously. They can experience themselves as Pure Infinite Being, while also experiencing themselves as a specific and unique manifestation of it. They are not only overflowing with radiant potential, they also have the individuality to express it in unique ways. And there are endless worlds before them. This community of Light beings is at the threshold of structural reality. It’s at the gateway of the vast world of structural manifestations, of which our universe is but a small part.

So if I’m following you, it’s like there are all these cosmic fire flies buzzing around, itching to do something with all of their potential. And right in front of them there’s one hell of a playground.

Yes. The stage is set. Or, we might say, endless stages are set. These Light beings have only to put on their heavy structural costumes and enter.

Reminds me of that old movie, “Cocoon”. It was on the other night. It was about these alien life forms that were some kind of energy beings. They could float and fly and manipulate energy. But they covered themselves with fake skin and clothes in order to fit into normal human life.

My friend, you just described yourself perfectly! Every one of us is an energy being, a being of Light. We have just temporarily covered ourselves with the skin of structure in order to experience these levels of reality. The difference is, the beings in the movie knew their skin was fake. But there are a great many Light beings among us who are beginning to remember what they really are.

Now, the Light beings at the gateway into structural reality are each overflowing with energy, with light, with love, with creative potential. They can experience fully merging with Essence, and they can commune with other souls and experience Essence as it manifests through others. To experience this level is inexpressibly exquisite. There is a harmonious, luminous, joyful, loving, vibrant interplay of unity, community, and individuality. It is Perfect Love. Perfect Peace.

Wouldn’t perfect peace get a little boring?

Like an eternal orgasm.

Question withdrawn.

Or like the intimate, tender, open, love filled moments after, when you fully and completely rest in the arms of your beloved, all tension, all effort, all defenses, all agendas melted away. Humans sometimes experience a blissful flow of energy. The soul is a blissful flow of energy. Now, each being of Light has a great deal of freedom to explore and experience existence. However, and this is central, the further one enters into structural reality, the more difficult it is to maintain contact with and awareness of Essence.

But why would a being of Light give up its connection with Essence for structural reality?

These beings share with Essence the quality of overflowing with radiant possibility. They have within them the powerful impulse to actualize potential. To explore, to become, to create. The level of the community of souls, as blissful and wondrous as it is, has only minimal structure. So the creative and experiential possibilities are limited. A conscious ball of energy cannot hold a new born child. It cannot taste the sweet softness of a juicy pear. It cannot walk through forests or smell the rain or sit by a fire.

Or eat pizza. Or play guitar. Or go to the ocean. Or watch hummingbirds. Or see the sunset. My God! No pizza!

Nor can it experience what it is like to be a hummingbird. Or a cheetah. Or a dolphin. Or a tree. Or a planet.

Woah! Un momento, por favor! What the hell are you talking about?

You know, when we hear something that goes against our beliefs, we are usually so quick to put up walls. Don’t let the elusiveness of belief structures fool you. They can be as rigid as bones. This rigidity forms the foundation, the scaffolding, around which we build our lives. So it’s natural that we would want to protect our beliefs. How can we follow our important daily schedules during an existential earthquake? But the way we often go about protecting our beliefs is not so natural.

You mean with guns?

I suppose that would be an extreme example. When we eat, not everything we take in is useful to us. Much of it would be harmful if we tried to integrate it into our bodies. So, our digestive system sifts through all of the foreign material we have ingested and allows us to keep and use what is useful and to dispose of what is not. First we ingest, then we digest, then we integrate and discard.

This process occurs in our psyches as well. But we often presume that if we ingest a belief, if we take it in, consider it, play around with it for a time, then it will automatically and unavoidably become a part of us. We dismiss or distrust our inherent ability to digest. And so, we tend to put a great deal of effort into keeping foreign beliefs completely out of our system. We become like a clench-jawed child, refusing an untasted medicine. But when we are so closed, nothing is ingested. There is nothing new coming into the system. Nothing bad. And nothing good. This is stagnation. This is deadness.

This is ninety-eight percent of the population.

We are so much more than our beliefs! When we are really aware of this, and allow ourselves to sense towards our inherent spaciousness, then we have plenty of room to keep our beliefs safe while we ingest contradictory ones and see how they resonate. And yes, sometimes we will end up shifting our belief structures to accommodate newly integrated ones.

So, I don’t want you to assume something is fact just because I say it. The Buddha said “Hold to the truth within yourself, as to the only truth.” Trust the resonance of your own inner tuning fork. But I do expect you to let yourself take in and consider these ideas, whether they fit in with your belief structures or not. Otherwise, there’s no point in me saying anything that you disagree with. So I invite you to be aware of your discomfort when I say something that goes against your belief structures. And when you feel your defenses rise up, there is no value in trying to push them away, but you can allow yourself to just relax a little bit. To breathe more deeply. To rest just a little more in that soft, open and tender space that’s always waiting for us just beneath the surface. And you can trust in your ability to digest. Trust your tuning fork. Really allow yourself to take in new ideas and feel them out.

Can I ask a question? Does a little of your expandedness or your energy or whatever kind of spill over to me once in a while? Just a little of it? I mean, just a second ago, when you were talking about being more relaxed and open, I could kind of feel it a little bit. I still can. I feel more centered and more here and more peaceful. Uncluttered. It feels good. I’ve felt like this a lot in the last few days. It’s kind of like how I feel sometimes when I play guitar, but stronger. Like my mind’s relaxing in a hot tub or getting a massage or something, if that makes any sense. It just feels like sometimes when I’m with you I’m in a deeper place than usual. Are you doing this?

The expandedness you feel is your own.

But somehow you’re making it easier for me to feel it, right?

Because surrendered expandedness is our natural state of being, when we are around others who are in a more surrendered and expanded space, we tend to open more ourselves, in resonance and remembrance. Or we contract with discomfort and fear.

What do you mean?

As we identify more with Structurelessness, the parts of ourselves that still identify with structure begin to fear annihilation. This fear and contraction makes our attachment to structure more apparent. It lets us see where we’re still holding on. So being around a more surrendered, open, tender, expanded energy can be helpful whether your reaction is expansion or contraction.

Well then, thanks for the lift. When I put up my walls a minute ago, I guess I was assuming that souls only become human. Anthropomorphism again, right? I mean, why would a being of Light, straight out of the Essence, be limited to the human experience of structural reality? Still, I can feel that my beliefs don’t take kindly to the idea of a tree or a planet having a soul. It’s a nice idea. I mean, I’d like to believe Mother Earth is conscious. Except these days she’d probably be in a lot of pain. Anyway, I’ll try to hang out with it all for a while and just see how it feels.

Good. Let me say a bit more about this. A being of Light can experience existence within any structure it wishes. We can as well, but again, we are so identified with our human body and mind that most of us limit our experiences to them. But many have had direct experiences in which they were identified with non-human structures, from animals to trees to clouds to the entire physical universe and beyond. This is difficult to imagine from our usual ways of perceiving and understanding. But remember that Essence is infinite and fundamental, and that all of manifest reality is within it. A Light being is Essence as it manifests within a permeable structural boundary that allows for individual experience. Beings of Light are supra-ordinate to structure. They are above it and beyond it and therefore not bound by it. When one is beyond structure, one can experience existence as any structure, as specific as an electron and as vast as all of manifest reality. It’s all superficial compared with Essence.

You know, it’s different to just be hanging with both things, my skepticism, and the possibility that what you’re saying is true. And what’s also floating around is that you don’t care if I believe it. I think it’s a new idea to me that you can tell someone the way you see things and really not need them to agree. I get really invested in my beliefs. They’re always right. I mean, at any given moment, I’m damn sure my beliefs are the way things are, or I wouldn’t bother to believe them. And each time I change a belief, then I was wrong before, but now, now my beliefs are right. You know, we humans are pretty funny creatures. The Light beings must be standing in line to give it a whirl.

Yes, they are. But by that point they are usually deeply embedded within structural reality, no longer aware of their true Essence. Which brings us back to our discussion of their journey into structure.

Smooth segue.

I try.

* * * * * *

So, we can imagine the scene: A great gathering of Light beings at a beautiful, sparkling rainbow gateway. Behind them, and within them, Oneness, Wholeness, Endless Peace, Endless Resting, Endless Grace, Endless Love. Before them is adventure. Before them is the unknown. Before them are infinite ways to manifest their inherent creative abundance. And before them is heaviness. Before them is pain. Before them is fear. Before them is the experience of separation. Before them is the forgetting of their True Nature.

And we can imagine them feeling both the desire to remain a spark within the One Light, content and peaceful, and the pull to let the superabundant creative energy of Essence be fully expressed through creating, exploring, experiencing and interacting in the endless forms of created reality. We can imagine they felt excitement and uncertainty, curiosity and caution, the pull to pass through the gateway and the pull to stay in the secure bliss of Pure Essence.

And then a question arose within each of their hearts, from the center of their being: Who will go? Who will go experience these worlds? Who will leave this blissful community of souls? Who will risk losing their constant awareness of Home? Who will serve the ever expanding creative impulse of the One by imbuing structure with Pure Awareness? Who will go explore? Who will go express? Who will go forget? Who will go?

Hell, I think I’d just settle for a boring life of eternal bliss. Why mess with a good thing? Let some other chumps go check out the new world.

That’s what many Light beings decided. To remain in the security and love and bliss of this community of souls. And who could blame them? But for others, the pull to serve the Creative Pulse was too much to ignore. Remember that the uncontainable creative potential of the Source was far too great to be contained within Essence as Essence.

If all of the sun’s rays stayed in the sun, life could not exist on Earth. And yet, the sun couldn’t possibly hold in all of its tremendous energy. It is far too much to be contained. It must burst forth, spread outward, and infuse the darkness with its rays. Likewise, as individual rays of the One Sun, it was inevitable that some would leave the safe warmth of Home and go outward to create and explore and experience and spread the Light. They felt more curiosity or courage or excitement, or they resonated more with the call to serve the creative pulse of Essence. They were more willing to risk, to endure hardships, and to explore the unknown. They were the first explorers. They said “We will go. Send us.”

And one of those who chose to stay said “But you don’t know what will happen to you in the heavy worlds! You don’t know if you will remember the truth of what you are. You don’t know what you will do, how you will feel, what you will experience, or even how you will return.”

And one of the explorers responded “It is true we don’t know what will happen. But we do know what we are, what we always have been and always will be. That can never be taken from us, no matter how deeply we journey, no matter how much we forget, no matter how confused or lost we become. And since all that is created is temporary, our return to that which is permanent is assured. These worlds we will explore and create from– they arise and dissolve out of our own True Nature. Out of our own Pure Center. Out of our Self. How could we ever truly be anywhere but Home?” And then they stood at the precipice of the Rainbow Gateway, took in one last deep breathe of the Pure and Perfect Nectar of Formless Being, and then, one or two at a time, they crossed over, breathing outward into the vast worlds of form.

I can picture the big moment. They’re looking at the gateway, then at each other, then back at the gateway, like, who’s going to go first?

A few brave souls have the courage or the curiosity or the trust or the playfulness to slowly float past the gateway expectantly. This first layer of structural reality is not so different. The clear light turns to a translucent gold. It is heavier. Thicker. There is more thought, more emotion, more curiosity. But they are still in touch with their Essence. They have not forgotten. And we can imagine them looking back, encouraging the others.

Come on in, the water’s fine.

When one is only ankle-deep in water, the undertow has little effect.

So as they keep going, they get pulled deeper into structure. And some of them end up getting in way over their heads.

Hence the bottom dwellers.

And what causes the undertow? What is it about structure that makes a soul forget its Essence?

What is it about a good movie that makes you temporarily forget about your life?

Well, it’s interesting. Entertaining. Captivating.

Captivating is an apt word here. When our attention is held captive by something, our awareness becomes limited to that particular experience for a time. Structure is as compelling as it is complex. There is so much diversity. So much stimulation. So much to experience. We have all experienced being so involved in something that we forget everything else and lose track of the time. As beings of Light become more involved with structure, they begin to lose track of the Timeless. Density demands our attention. And Essence patiently waits, deep within, for our inevitable remembering.

We’re talking about souls being pulled into structure. But a minute ago, it sounded like they chose to enter on their own.

Yes. The two are not contradictory. You choose to see a captivating movie knowing it will pull you in. You know ahead of time you will likely feel suspense, urgency, and fear. Sometimes you immediately immerse yourself into the story. Sometimes you are distant at first, and then gradually find yourself getting pulled deeper and deeper into it. But it is always you who chooses to enter the theater. And why would you allow yourself to enter deeply into an experience that will likely lead to feelings of fear, pain, sorrow, and longing? Because before you enter the theater you know that whatever you feel or experience, you will always be completely and absolutely safe. And so with us. Hafiz tells us “All your pain, worry, and sorrow will someday apologize and confess they were a great lie.”

Energetic structures will dissipate and dissolve. Physical structures will be damaged and destroyed. Living structures will be injured and killed. Planets and suns, they rise and fall. This vast universe is only a brief spark, emerging from an Eternal Fire. It is a shooting star, wished upon by angels. All structure is temporary. All structure will be de-structured. But Essence, Essence is Pure Structurelessness.

We were aware that we would experience pain and fear once we were immersed in structure. But we also knew that our essence is the Essence. We knew that who we truly are, our Pure Self, our True Nature, always has been, and always will be, absolutely, completely, and unequivocally safe.

So, we can picture the crowd of Light beings, each one deciding whether or not to take the plunge. To step into structural reality was to enter the unknown. None of them was sure what would be experienced, what might happen to them. They knew without a doubt that what they truly were couldn’t be hurt, couldn’t even be touched. And yet, many of them felt a sense of anticipation and even apprehension as they considered the prospect of leaving the joy and security of the Cosmic Womb. They sensed the power, the draw, the seductiveness of the world of form.

In the eye of the hurricane, nothing is required. Or created. You can use that one in your talks too. Or how about this one: “The sun always shines on the hurricane’s eye.” Now that’s catchy. Billboard material. I don’t know what the hell it means, but why get bogged down in details? The key is– and marketing research supports this– you gotta keep it short, sharp and simple. Like Tattoo’s tuxedo in that old show ”Fantasy Island”. You gotta remember that half of your potential market is out there right now, surfing for Cliff Notes to ”Readers Digest”. They want sound bites, not substance. In today’s cyber-culture, if you can’t get them to click on a one line web ad, you’re not going to make it. You’ll just be standing around, one of the little people, watching everyone else get all the action. Which oddly enough brings us back to Tattoo. Not to be confused with Toto, from “The Wizard of Oz”. Or with the little people of Oz that took him in as one of their own. Took Toto, not Tattoo. Whether or not Toto had a tattoo, I have no idea. Toto could have had two tattoos. Of a tutu. Tattoo could have had two tutu tattoos too. But I digress. What were we talking about? Oh yeah, light beings taking the plunge.

* * * * * *

Yes. There was no fall. It was a jump. The Light beings cautiously tested the waters, and slowly entered deeper and deeper into structure. Now as they did, they discovered that each level of reality was heavier and more dense than the last. And with each level they entered, they found themselves coated with an additional structural membrane that was of the same density as that level, which allowed them to exist within it and experience it.

Could you break that down a little? Maybe one letter at a time.

We’ve talked about the movie, “Cocoon”, and how each of us is a being of Light wearing a costume that lets us experience existence on this level of reality. Every level of reality has its own frequency, its own density, its own range or spectrum of solidity. A Light being can’t just walk around in our level of reality in their natural state. They would have to put on a skin, in a sense, that matches this level, made of materials from this level. So with each level these beings of light entered, they found themselves wrapped in a membrane or overcoat or shell of the same frequency as that level. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be able to directly experience or exist within that level.

So it’s kind of like if a diver wanted to walk around on the bottom of the ocean, they would have to use some kind of modified suit that let them weigh more so they could stay down there. I think astronauts might have used something like that on the moon, to keep from floating too far off. “One small step for man, one giant leap for– whooaahhhh!” Anyway, I think I get the idea.

So, some of these explorers stopped at the first few layers while others kept going, down into the depths. At first, the overcoats they took on with each new layer were light, thin and transparent. But as the explorers journeyed deeper, the layers they entered became much more dense, thick, and heavy, and the membranes surrounding them became so as well.

Now I mentioned that these shells were made out of the patterns and forms of the level they were in. In the heavier levels, these shells became more complex, more cumbersome and more fragile. They were temporary. They would wear out or get destroyed and then no longer be able to contain the Light beings that were wearing them, which immediately took the Light beings out of that level and back into a less dense one. Such cumbersome shells required a great deal of attention and energy to keep them functioning well. The Light beings had to be constantly aware of their shells and of anything that might damage them. And as they focused their attention more on the levels they were in and on the heavy shells they wore, the degree to which they were aware of their True Nature began to diminish.

So you’re talking about bodies? About how it’s hard to survive and they had to focus on getting food and protecting themselves and all?

Right. As structure became more and more complex and intelligent with the evolution of life, the potential for a being to consciously re-member its True Nature and expressing it in the world increased. But so did the potential for getting attached to the body, and getting distracted by the world of form.

Over time, as these explorers continued to focus so much of their awareness on their shells, they began to think of these overcoats as a part of who they were. And since these shells were what allowed the Light beings to experience and navigate through a particular level of structural reality, they were soon seen as the most important part. So, instead of perceiving themselves to be a focal point of limitless Essence with an organized structural shell around it, these Light beings gradually began to perceive themselves more and more as the shell, with a center of Essence they could experience to some degree when they directed their attention inward.

I heard somewhere that we think of ourselves as human beings who sometimes have spiritual experiences, but we’re really spiritual beings having human experiences.

Yes, and that truth can be quite difficult to maintain awareness of while on the heavier levels, as these pioneers discovered. Now, they knew intuitively that all structures are temporary. That all structures are sooner or later destructured. And they witnessed the shells of others becoming lifeless. So they began to experience new sensations of pain, fear, sorrow and anger as they anticipated the inevitable moment in which this would happen to their own shells and to each other’s. To lose their shells was to be forced to give up experiencing that particular level of reality, to give up all the things they had become attached to. And it was losing what they now perceived to be the main, most important part of them. So naturally it became a priority to protect their shells from this fate as long as possible. They began to focus more and more of their energy and attention on being aware of possible dangers to their shells, and on developing ways to keep them safe and healthy as long as possible. And as they focused more and more of their energy and attention on this task, they continued to more deeply lose awareness of their Pure Center. Their True Self.

All work and no pray. So they basically fell asleep.

Yes, but when you first fall asleep, it’s easier to awaken from a dream. In spite of their forgetfulness, at first it was easier for them to have moments of awakening. And in these moments of re-membering Essence, their consciousness would rest in the Pure Center within. Their awareness would again dissolve into Pure Awareness. But the longer one sleeps, the more real a dream becomes.

So this world is the dream. And when we’re in it we usually forget the real world.

Rumi said “You may have lived many years in a city. But as soon as you fall asleep, another city rears in your mind… You don’t say, ‘I am a stranger here. This is not my city.’ You think you have always lived there… So are you amazed then that your soul does not remember its ancient home? How could she remember? She is wrapped in the sleep of this world, like a star shrouded by clouds, and she has tramped through so many cities, and the dust that darkens her vision has not yet been swept away.”

So, to sum up, at the very beginning of their journey, these Light beings were resting in a place of wholeness, constantly aware of the safe, blissful Essence of their True Nature. All of their actions came from that place of wholeness. There was nothing to protect, nothing to shield, nothing to fear, nothing to need. But as they went deeper into structure, they lost awareness of that connection. They forgot that their True Nature was always safe, always whole, always one with the One.

And their prime directive gradually became to protect their shells. To keep them safe and healthy at almost any cost. So instead of starting with a sense of complete safety, wholeness and harmony, and then acting from such a place, they now started with a strong sense of being unsafe, in danger, at risk, and in need, and their actions, their energies, and their attention went more and more towards trying to find a way to feel safer and to get their needs met. In addition, they felt the painful absence of their connection with Essence– Until eventually they reached a level of forgetting in which they couldn’t even remember exactly what was absent. They only knew they were missing something very precious, and the only place they knew to look to fill that void was outside themselves, in the world of form.

Now, this is clearly a dramatic shift in awareness and motivation. They switched from being one with the Infinite Sun to being an endless, blissful ray of that Sun, to eventually shivering on a distant planet, longing for a warmth they were no longer certain ever existed.

But actually, the ray, the planet, the shivering shell, the frightened mind stuck inside it, they’re all still inside the Infinite Sun the whole time, right? They’re surrounded by it. And not even just surrounded by it, they are it.

Exactly.

I mean, they’re never something other than Essence. There is nothing else. They’re never somewhere outside of Essence. There’s nowhere else. Those structures are all just different expressions or different energetic patterns of the One Sun, arising inside the One Sun. And each expression comes and goes, each one is temporary. The shell, the planet, all of it will eventually dissolve away. But the Essence out of which it all arose, the Essence that they always really are, it can never be touched by any of that. Right?

Yes, beautifully said! No matter how finely a glass is shattered, the wine cannot be broken! No matter how deeply the pain is felt, no wound can scar the soul! That which appears must disappear, that which arises must dissolve, that which is created must decay and that which is born must die. All structure will be de-structured. As the twentieth century Sufi, Bawa Muhaiyaddeen, put it, “Allah is the only treasure which cannot be destroyed.”

Pure Structurelessness, Pure Emptiness, Pure, Vibrant, Scintillating, Blissful, Overflowing, Eternal, Infinite Nothingness– What could possibly destroy that? What could impact it? What could contain it? What could rupture it? No thing can touch Nothingness! No structure can touch Structurelessness! Only Essence can feel Essence. Only the Real can experience the Real. Only Allah can know Allah. When you believe you are a shell, shivering on a cold and dark planet, longing for the Sun, you cannot know yourself to be the Inner Ray, always warm, always radiant, always free, always Home.

We so often assume that for something to be invincible it must be solid, heavy and strong, that it must have impenetrable walls of defense. We think of invincibility as having such a strong boundary that no other structure could possibly break through. But always, sooner or later, the strongest wall crumbles. The hardest shell breaks. The coldest ice returns to ocean, the hardest stone melts to flames.

But that which is truly invincible, truly unconquerable, truly indestructible, it has no need for any walls, any hardness, any defenses. It is Pure Armorlessness. Pure, tender, undefended Openness. Since there is nothing that can hurt it, it has no need for any protection, any boundaries, any separation at all. And so it can effortlessly melt into everything, everywhere, completely open, completely exposed, completely safe. And the only thing that can sense it, that can recognize it, that can experience it, that can know it is this unbounded Presence itself. The mind can grasp for it, the heart can yearn for it, but only Essence itself is empty enough to be filled with Essence. In the center of every iceberg rests an unfreezable drop of Pure Ocean. Do not for a moment think it is trapped there. Ocean abandons nothing!

The Bhagavad Gita, a Hindu scripture composed around 2500 years ago, says “I am always with all beings; I abandon no one. And however great your inner darkness, you are never separate from me.” Ahhh, what a mystery! What a glorious, unfathomable, beautiful mystery! All that I am bows down before it! An endless bow, that melts down through layer after layer, until there is no one left to bow! Oh precious Existence! How thankful I am! How endlessly, completely, inexpressibly grateful! All right, my friend. Enough for today.

Yeah, after all that you probably need to go smoke a cigarette or something.

Ahh, but the Flame I crave smokes me! Until nothing remains. That Nothing, it is richer than any thing that has ever existed. The honey bee awakens, looks around, and sees that the whole world is made of Nectar! In that exquisite moment, all work is finished. All need dissolves. There is only uncontainable gratefulness and the spontaneous, effortless movement to help others taste the endless Nectarness of Life! Tomorrow then.

Like some kind of giant elevator going down. And at each level of reality, some get off and some stay on to keep going into heavier levels. And maybe there’s some elevator man saying “Fourth floor: angels. Celestial beings. And members of the heavenly choir. Third floor: ghosts. Wayward spirits. And parasitic entities. Second floor: leprechauns and elves and plant and animal spirits. First floor: Humans. This one’s still under construction, folks, so enter at your own risk.”

But you forgot the basement.

The basement? Suddenly my neck hairs are standing straight up. Which is pretty wild since they’re on the floor of that barber shop I went to this morning. Anyway, whatever’s in this basement, I get the feeling it’s not a very popular floor.

You’re right. When that elevator door opens, there is a deep sense of knowing that to step onto that floor is to enter the coldest and darkest of worlds.

Must be the same floor my dentist is on. So why would anyone go there?

Let’s picture the scene this way: Imagine this pilgrimage of souls as a great journey into a new world, where all along the way, some pioneers settled and others kept exploring farther and farther in. These explorers kept journeying through heavier and heavier worlds, including our own, until they came upon a great barrier. As they approached it, a strong sense of fear and foreboding arose within them, greater than they had ever experienced before. They intuited that if they crossed this barrier, they would enter into a level of existence so heavy, so dense, so dark and so cold that all remaining awareness of the eternal spark of Essence within them would be extinguished. Yes, the spark itself would remain. But if they entered into the layer beyond this barrier, the shell they would take on would be so heavy and dense and shielded and impenetrable that they would not be able to see through it, even momentarily, into their True Self. They would lose all awareness of Essence. To cross that barrier would be to lock themselves into an inescapable vault, dark and cold, with no door from the inside, and with only a vague, distorted memory that such things as light, warmth, joy and love ever existed.

The thought of such an existence sent waves of terror, anguish and grief through these explorers. To be so far from Home, so far from Pure Being, so far from their True Nature that they would lose all awareness of it, this was unimaginable. How would one find one’s way in the darkness? How would one be fed? How would one know Truth? And how would one ever, ever get back?

But even that place would actually be in Pure Essence, made out of Pure Essence, right? So they wouldn’t really be separated. It would just feel like it.

Yes. Nothing can ever be separate from or outside of the Light. We are always in the Light. In that sense, we’re always enlightened. But to be completely and continuously aware of our enlightenment, to unceasingly realize our True Self, that is Self realization. As you well know, this can be most elusive in our heavy level of reality. The Pure Spark within is usually quite buried, its presence seldom felt. But on the other side of that great barrier was a level even heavier and more dense than our own. Yes, that place was still within the Ocean of Essence, and it was made of the purest water. But it’s as though its water had frozen into walls of ice. Thick, dark, heavy and impenetrable.

And as these pioneer souls stood at this great barrier, sensing the desolate darkness before them, the most terrifying question they could imagine arose from deep within their hearts and reverberated throughout their being. “Who will go?”

Bummer.

There was a long, heavy silence as the full impact of the question rippled through them. To be completely cut off from all awareness of Light, to be hopelessly lost in the heaviness of absolute darkness, To be locked inside a cold and barren deadness in which there could be no love, no peace, no safety, no comfort, and no joy. They looked within themselves, felt their unwillingness to make such a sacrifice, and then looked at each other, hoping one of the others would be brave and selfless enough to volunteer.

But I don’t get it. If it was going to be so terrible, why would someone be asked to go?

Remember that Essence was overflowing with superabundant creative energy, which led to the creation of structure and structural reality. Endlessly overflowing with itself, Essence then imbued the world of structure with Pure Essence, which we also might call Pure Awareness. Solness. This Solness flowed into created reality like rays of the sun reaching dark and distant planets, bathing them with light. These rays of Pure Awareness can be thought of as conscious rays of the One Light.

Light beings. Souls.

Right. Now as we have said, in order for souls to experience existence on the various levels of created reality, they must take on a shell of the same density as that level. But despite their heavy cloaks, they still bring Pure Awareness into the world of structure, even if in the heavier levels it’s usually hiding deep within their shells. The Pearl beyond price, waiting to be re-discovered.

So, instead of Essence just creating a world of structure that is experientially completely separate from Essence, and leaving it at that, it also created a means for Pure Essence to enter structural reality– to interact and play and create and explore. It created a way to, in a sense, infiltrate the world of structure. To breathe Life into it. To in-spire it. To imbue it with the Pure Awareness inherent within every being. Are you with me so far?

Every moment I’m clearer than the next.

The sun doesn’t only select certain planets to send its rays of light to. They can’t help but go out to every planet, no matter how far away, no matter how cold or desolate. Likewise, Sol doesn’t pick and choose which levels of structural reality to bathe with its rays of Essence. Pure Awareness enters every level of created reality, no matter how heavy, no matter how barren, no matter how cold, no matter how hardened.

So, in the beginning was the Light. And the Light, overflowing with itself, transformed some of itself into energetic patterns and structures with which it created a myriad of structural worlds. And then the Light sent conscious sparks of its Pure Self into each of these worlds, including the heaviest, most dense levels. These sparks took on heavy shells around them in order to be in these worlds, and then came to believe they were the shells, forgetting their True Nature.

That much I get.

Now, because all structures and all shells are temporary, every spark is destined to eventually re-member Pure Essence. But the potential is there for every Light being to realize fully its oneness with Essence while still wearing its shell. Awakening is a guarantee. A foregone conclusion. But to fully realize the Pure Self while experiencing existence as a living being in created reality, to fully live within the depths of the Eternal Now, imbuing each moment with the Nectarous Breath of Pure Life– that is the possibility! Enlightenment is an eventual certainty. Enlivenment– that is the challenge!

* * * * * *

Now, back to the great barrier, and to the question, “Who will go?” The explorers waited in the heavy silence, desperately hoping that one of the others would volunteer. And then, finally, they heard a voice among them say softly, “I will go.” The group looked around to see who had spoken. One of the Light beings took a step towards the great barrier, turned around to face the others, and said again, “I will go.”

The others felt both a sense of intense relief and utter amazement. They said “But don’t you understand? Can’t you feel what lies behind the barrier? Inescapable blackness! Complete forgetting! You will lose all awareness of Truth! Of Love! Of what you truly are! The Pure Center within you, the Home that will always be waiting for you, you will forget it all! Already, in these heavy worlds we must struggle not to lose conscious awareness of our True Essence. You know how quickly it fades. But in that dark place all remembrance, all hope, all warmth, all love, all peace, all Nectar will be completely erased from your awareness. Can’t you feel the ruthless emptiness that awaits you? Can’t you see what this will mean?”

I’d be thinking “Shut up before you talk the fool out of it!” So what did the masochist, I mean, the brave volunteer say?

Not brave. Just completely uncompromising in serving Truth.

So what did the completely uncompromising servant of Truth with masochistic tendencies say?

“I’ve never known the fear I feel right now. The loneliness. The sorrow. For I must lose contact with that which I love most dearly. I must leave that which I give my life to. I must sever the loving ray that reminds me that my essence is the Essence, that in the center of my heart is Home. I love the Infinite Heart with all that I am. I don’t want to forget. I don’t want to live in fear instead of Love. In darkness instead of Light. In confusion instead of Truth. I was so at peace, so fulfilled before this journey ever began. Just being a simple spark of the One Sun, resting in its Silent Center. But when the Rainbow Gateway appeared, and the question arose, ‘Who will go?’, how could I do anything but serve what I love? And now, here, standing before this great barrier, the question arises again. ‘Who will go?’ How can I do anything but serve my Beloved? No matter the sacrifice. No matter the pain.

“And even though I will soon forget, in this moment I know that nothing can extinguish the eternal Spark of Truth within me. No matter how lost I become, how confused, how fearful, how alone, how desperate, or how bitter, the inner Light hiding within my heavy skins will always be one with the One Light. How could it ever be otherwise? And so, I will go.

“Dear friends, I don’t know what I will believe or think or do once I forget. I don’t know what food I will settle for in a futile attempt to replace the flow of Pure Nectar that I will no longer be able to find. From such a lost and anguished place, I may even create pain and anguish for other beings. Please, whatever happens, I beg you. Don’t forget my True Self.”

“Don’t worry,” one of the others said. “We know your Pure Soul. Even if it becomes lost to you, it will never be lost to us. We will always know the truth of your being, until the day you return to the center of the Sun, and melt back into your Self.”

Another Light being said “But this door into the blackness, it opens only from the outside. Once you enter, how will you ever get out?”

“That, my friends, will be up to you. My only chance to know freedom again is if one day others find a way to open the door for me, to let my heart feel the sun again. Until then, goodbye, dear friends. Thank you for remembering my Pure Heart. Even if I do not.” Then he walked through, and the door sealed behind him. And as you and I and all the others watched him disappear into the suffocating blackness, so long ago, we made a promise that we would never forget his True Nature. That we would never forget his Pure Being. And that one day we would find a way to set him free, and guide him Home.

This Light being has been known by many names. One of them, which means bearer of light, is Lucifer. Whatever name he is called, from this perspective he was not a fallen angel. He volunteered. Selflessly. When no one else would. And he still awaits for the door of remembrance to be opened for him.

All right, you got me. Here I am feeling sorry for the poor soul and it turns out to be Lucifer? I should have seen it coming. You actually got me to feel compassion for the poor devil.

Good. Just imagine living in a world with no hope, no love, no Light, no Truth, no peace, no joy, no comfort, no rest and no escape. And no memory that any of those things even exist.

It’s called rush hour.

Just try to imagine it. The darkness, the anguish, the suffering, the endless fear. It would be so hard for any being to bear. So it’s no surprise that in such a dark and delusional state he has covered up his pain and fear and confusion with the metallic armor of bitterness, hate, vengefulness and destructiveness. But in the center of those thick layers rests his True Self, a pure spark of the One Sun.

You definitely bring new meaning to the term “devil’s advocate”.

My friend, we’re all sparks of the Divine. Henry Suso wrote “All creatures have existed eternally in the divine essence… All beings were, before their creation, one thing with the essence of God. Eternally, all creatures are God in God… So far as they are in God, they are the same life, the same essence, the same power, the same One, and nothing less.” And the Srimad Bhagavatam, a Hindu text written around the fourth century, says “Learn to look with an equal eye upon all beings, seeing the one Self in all.” And the fourteenth century theologian, Thomas Aquinas, wrote “Since God is the universal cause of all being, in whatever region being can be found, there must be Divine Presence.” None of us has ever been banished from the Heart of God. That Heart is infinite. We have only chosen to turn our backs to the Eternal Flame, and so our faces feel the cold, lonely, frightening night.

It’s never occurred to me to have compassion for Lucifer. And to be honest with you, I’m not exactly sold on the idea. Are you talking about him as a real, literal being or just as a metaphor for evil?

It doesn’t matter which way you see it. If Lucifer is a real being, he is a being that came from God and somewhere in his very center there is that which remains one with God. His original innocence is still within him, but covered over by thick, thick skins of distortion and desire and greed and hatred. If that is the case, why would we not wish that he could shed his heavy dragon skins and become again an innocent child, resting his head once more on the Heart of God? And if he is only a mythical being, then if we are able to feel compassion for the very personification of evil, for that which represents the darkest, cruelest part of consciousness, we can surely find some compassion for every human Light being, no matter what terrible things they have done, no matter how lost they have become. No matter how confused, no matter how endarkened.

The eighteenth century rabbi, Schmelke of Nikolsburg, was once asked how we can possibly love those who are wicked. He said “Don’t you know that the original soul came out of the essence of God, and that every human soul is part of God? And will you have no mercy on Him, when you see that one of His holy sparks has been lost in a maze, and is almost stifled?” Every spark is precious, regardless of the costume in which it is hidden.

Listen to Angela of Foligno: “He is present in every creature and in everything that hath being, as much in demons as in good angels, in hell as in paradise, in adultery and murder, in all good works, and in all things which exist, both beauteous and ill-favored. When I have this unity, therefore, I do rejoice into God no less when I see a bad angel and an evil deed than when I see a good angel or deed.”

But time out. Back up a minute. You never answered my question. You don’t mean that stuff about Lucifer literally, right? I mean, I just can’t believe there’s really some great, powerful, evil entity out there that’s trying to take over the universe. Unless you count fast food chains. But then again, I wouldn’t bet my soul he doesn’t exist. Just in case. I mean, a good soul is so hard to replace these days.

I’m less interested in facts than truth. I don’t happen to believe that Lucifer exists as an actual being. But it doesn’t matter to me either way. The truth is the same.

What truth?

Every one of us has closed down many times, to varying degrees. And the more closed we are, the more we tend to hurt ourselves and others. If we can recognize the Pure Heart buried so deeply within Lucifer, then we can recognize the Pure Heart in all beings who are responding to suffering by closing down, including ourselves. And since there are different degrees of contraction, there must be some beings that, at least for now, are much more contracted than most other beings. And perhaps there is one being that is, at least in this moment, more contracted, more closed, more desperate and more distorted than any other being in existence. Does that much seem plausible?

Yeah.

And if that’s the case, that being would probably be more greedy and selfish and confused and even more destructive and rageful and ruthless than any other being that exists. So we could think of that being, whoever it may be in this moment, regardless of whether they’ve been this way for moments or eons, as being like Lucifer. A bearer of Light that has become trapped within great suffering. A fellow soul, who’s Pure Heart has become buried deep beneath the ice. And through our own opening, we can help it thaw. For me, the image of Lucifer becoming trapped in hell, and us freeing him, is about us letting our hearts become an open doorway through which the Pure Nectar of Essence can flow into the world, sending to every closed, hiding, bitter, frightened, lifeless, frozen rose a tiny whiff of the soft fragrance of Spring.

Hafiz said “How did the rose ever open its heart and give to this world all its beauty? It felt the encouragement of light against its Being. Otherwise, we all remain too frightened.”

I think I see what you’re saying, and I can go along with it except for the name, Lucifer. For me, that just has way too strong of a negative connotation. I’m kind of embarrassed to admit this, but the truth is, I’m not even very comfortable saying that name.

That’s exactly the point. It brings to light the places within us where we would withhold love. It shows us the lines we draw, where we say “I’m willing to have unconditional love for all beings. As long as they meet these conditions.”

Well I admit it. I still have my conditions. I can embrace having compassion and love for whatever Light being happens to be the most lost right now. But even if it’s just semantics, I just don’t feel ready to go along with feeling love and compassion for Satan. So if you want me to go along with you on this one, we’re going to have to use a different term. Like maybe “the most lost Light being” or something.

All right. So let’s look at what it really is that’s trapping this most lost soul. For to a lesser degree, it’s exactly what’s trapping us. It might be a bit early to go into this, so don’t worry if it gets confusing. It should make more sense in a few days.

* * * * * *

So this most lost being entered the darkest, coldest, most painful of experiences, in which all awareness of Home disappeared. But it wasn’t being in that place that closed him off from Pure Being. No darkness or pain or hell could ever take us away from Essence. Nothing that happens on the surface could ever in any way cause a chasm between our consciousness and Pure Consciousness. How can any structure have any real effect on Structurelessness? So it wasn’t being in this hell that separated his consciousness from the Divine.

Man, it’s really sad that you get this far along in life and then suddenly you completely lose it. Don’t worry. I’ll cover for you. If anyone asks, I’ll just say, “How can we expect to understand someone as great as he is?” They’ll probably buy that one. At least until it gets worse.

Pure Being is a way of being. It has no preconditions, no requirements of form that must be met first. Oneness with God can happen anywhere. But only one way. That way is a way of completely allowing whatever is present in this moment to fully be as it is, without the slightest inner resistance. That way is one of endlessly falling through this moment, without ever stopping or slowing or repositioning to avoid approaching turbulence. That way is one of letting yourself completely relax all the holding yourself together, even if it means that all you thought you were completely dissolves away into an undefinable Vastness, like a snow flake melting into the Ocean.

Hang on a minute. A big red flag goes up when I hear someone say there’s only one way to God. I mean, what if it gets closed for repairs?

This is an important clarification. As we will discuss, the only way to merge with Essence is to have the same way of being as Essence. That way of being, in which you are completely broken open, completely surrendered, completely allowing yourself to free fall into whatever is arising in this Living Moment, is the only way of being that matches Pure Being, and so it is the only way to Pure Being. But there are endless ways this can look on the outside. Surrendering to the Formless can take a great many forms.

I guess that makes sense. There’s a lot of paths up the mountain but there’s still only one way. Up.

Now then, back to our long lost friend,–

–Hey, he’s not my friend. I just met him at a party once.

In any case, once he stepped through the doorway, into that heaviest darkness, he could no longer perceive Pure Nectar with the senses of his form. He was no longer able to feel it or see it or taste it. It felt to him exactly as though he was in a place where Truth could not be. A place that Truth could never find. But no form could ever keep out the Formless. No structures could ever capture and hold consciousness without its participation and consent.

What do you mean by consent?

Form is more dense than awareness. So form cannot grasp onto it. Only consciousness can grasp onto form. So in truth, when the most lost Light being first entered that place, he was still resting in the Infinite, All Encompassing Heart of God. His consciousness was still resting in Pure Consciousness. In spite of all indications to the contrary, there was no separation.

But it sounds like there was a pretty convincing experience of it.

Right. As his consciousness began experiencing this extremely dark and dense world, for the first time he completely lost his ability to experience all of the wonderful, blissful, peaceful, loving sensations that had always pulsed through his soul from the moment it was born out of the Unborn Oneness of the Absolute. For the first time, he could not feel the Sunshine. He could not feel the safe arms of God around him. He could not feel the Divine Breath flowing through him. For the first time, he could not experience the Divine Heart in which his being was resting. He had had moments of briefly losing awareness of these experiences before, but he had only to more fully rest his awareness in the Vibrant Pulse of the Living Flow and they would all come back. But now he couldn’t find the faintest sign that he was still in the Infinite Heart of God. That he had not been completely abandoned. That he was not trapped in endarkenment forever.

We can imagine how agonizing and terrible this would be. And most of us have experienced it to some extent. Suddenly, every one of your senses is experiencing a cold, dark, empty, palpable absence of anything True and Real and Pure and Loving and Nectarous. Every sense and perception you have tells you that Pure Love has left you, that you are trapped in a place God’s arms cannot reach. This is the darkest night of the soul. When the Sunshine cannot be found anywhere. It seems you are lost forever in a Godless place. Full of pain and anguish and emptiness and darkness.

And so, very understandably, for the first time, he pushed out his hands against the agonizing flow of the Living Moment, and said “NO! I cannot live in this torture! I cannot live in this Godlessness! I cannot live in this total absence of all that is Good and Pure and Alive and Real and Gentle and Loving and True! I will not lay my head in this moment! I will not rest my heart in what is! I will not let myself fall any farther into this eternal, endless, hopeless hell! I WANT MORE! And I will push and pull and shake and yell and fight until I have more! Until I am out of this God forsaken place! Until I am once more in the arms of God!”

I guess you can’t blame him. I’m sure I would do the same thing.

We all have, to a lesser degree. So it was in that moment, and not any sooner, that his way of being changed from resting to resisting. From falling to fighting. From allowing to armoring.

From loving to loathing. From flying to frying. From harp playing to harpooning. From surrendering to seriously screwing some strongly susceptible souls.

And in that instant, rather than remaining tender and open and letting the Pure Flow of the Living Moment be just as it is, he sought to change it, to make it less agonizing. The well-being of this form with which his spark of Pure Consciousness was identified became more important to him than resting in Truth. What he was experiencing became more important than what is Real. In trying to experience God again, to find relief from the agony, he became his own master. With his own agendas, his own hopes, his own plans. Rather than continuing to fall into the Flow of Being, he began pushing against it. And it was in that instant of trying to push away the terrible waves of pain flowing through him that he first pushed away God.

He’s been fighting ever since to protect himself from hell and to break out of it. And the more skins he covers himself with to numb the pain, the more of him there is that he believes he must feed and protect. And so the more separation there is between his consciousness and Pure Consciousness. Between his way of being and the Flow of Pure Being.

And you say we’ve all done the same thing to a lesser degree?

Yes. Even though there are vastly different situations that create within us the experience of some degree of hell, they all tend to create the same reactions in us. Feelings of grief, self pity, anger and even rage pour from us. We feel a knowing deep within that this is not how things are supposed to be. We feel lost and hopeless. Cheated and betrayed. It is no god of love that would do such a thing to us! We feel alone and helpless and trapped and bitter and forsaken. With all of these feelings comes a strong resistance to what is happening, a shutting down of the Present Flow. The pain of hell just feels like too much to let in. So we hide deep inside and cover ourselves over with thick, cold, callous skins. And since we feel the absence of Pure Nectar within us, we search desperately outside ourselves for any kind of substitute.

Absence makes the heart go wander.

But nothing truly satisfies us. We become more and more desperate, more and more lustful for something to quench our longing. But we can only look outside ourselves, since we have stifled the Pure Spring within. We can only find fool’s gold. We see its glitter, we grab it, we taste it, but we find it completely void of any Pure Nectar. As the twentieth century Sufi master Bhai Sahib put it, “Only the Perfect can satisfy us.”

I’m getting the image of a humming bird trying to sustain itself on Splenda. It can drink all it wants, but it won’t get what it needs. Poor little guy. I remember up at the family cabin we used to go to when I was a kid, we had humming bird feeders on the porch, and sometimes when they were drinking, we would slowly reach out our finger towards them. Usually they would either fly away or just keep drinking and maneuver away from it. But now and then they would actually stop flying and just perch on it for a while. It was really amazing to have this tiny, fragile, beautiful bird trust you like that, with its tiny little feet perched on your finger, drinking away. And then there was the night I stepped out onto the porch, turned on the light, and not 3 feet in front of me, right on the porch, there was a bear, up on its hind legs, trying to drink from the feeder.

Did you try to get it to perch on your finger?

Yeah, right. Actually, as I recall, I was too busy waiting to see if my heart would start beating again. You’ll be relieved to know it finally did. Anyway, go ahead.

So, the way we respond is exactly the same as the most lost soul. Our way of being becomes exactly the same as his way of being. One of pushing and pulling and grasping and fighting to get what we want instead of simply resting our hearts in the Living Flow of Pure Being. The only difference is in the degree. If he had only been subjected to the degree of hell that we have experienced, he would’ve only reacted as much as we have. And if we had been subjected to the same degree of anguish that he has felt, we almost certainly would have closed down and covered over and acted out in cold, bitter, needy, lustful anger just as much as he has. In this sense, we are no better than he is. Only more fortunate. “There but for the Grace of God go I.”

Damn! Those are some pretty harsh words! That we’re no better than the worst being that’s ever lived!

We are exactly like him, in two ways: First, the Center of our heart is pure and beautiful and untainted and inseparable from the Heart of God. And second, we’ve turned our backs from that Center, hoping to find a way to use life for us instead of letting Pure Life live through us. That’s something we’ll speak more of in the next two weeks.

So no matter how far a being strays, no matter how lost or closed down, that pure center is always inside? We can’t ever lose it?

Isn’t it beautiful? No matter how thick and tainted the shell becomes, the pearl is always pure. And it rests within every being, waiting to be uncovered. The Center of the soul can never be ruined. Remember Aslan, tearing into that thick dragon skin with his awesome claws, clearing away layer after layer from Eustace, the innocent child trapped within.

That would be a handy set of claws.

I suppose that depends on whether you believe yourself to be the dragon or the child.

Good point.

But while Aslan can use his divine claws to tenderly tear away the shells of others, we mere mortals must use a different, softer approach in helping the Pure Spark to be exposed.

There’s a hidden zipper in the back?

Not that I’m aware of.

Damn. That would’ve been a nice feature.

When we’re identified with the dragon, we’re not very likely to allow ourselves to be unzipped, peeled off and cast aside by a mere mortal. When we feel threatened and attacked, we naturally strengthen our armor and prepare to fight back. So we cannot force another person to remove their armor, nor can we remove it for them.

So what’s the softer approach?

* * * * * *

We can imagine the protective shell as made of ice. So thick and cold, due the continuous pressure that holds it together, that the softly glowing ember of Essence in its center is unable to melt it. Think of a flickering candle flame glowing in a tiny cave deep within an iceberg. When we look at another person, or when we think of them, we habitually see them as the costume, the dragon, the frozen shell that their True Self wears. We believe that costume is what they are. Now there is certainly wisdom in being aware of that aspect of their being. If a big angry dragon is stomping towards you, it is a good idea to notice it and get out of the way. And if you are cornered, perhaps you will even choose to draw your sword if that feels true. But when we limit our perception to the costume, when this is all we see, we reinforce the illusion that this is what they truly are.

But another possibility exists. That of simply allowing ourselves to see their True Nature. Allowing ourselves to remember that beneath their armored shell is a struggling spark of Light, lost, confused and longing for Home. Letting our heart open. Experiencing the truth that they are a kindred soul, struggling to stay afloat in the tumultuous waves of structural reality. They too long to return to Love, Security, Peace, Joy and Wholeness. They too long for Home, even if they have forgotten it exists.

And then letting ourselves see that beneath all their layers, beneath their outer shell, beneath their distortions, beneath the confusion and pain and longing of a Light being lost in the maze, is a pure, perfect, free, unwoundable, dazzling spark of Essence, dancing in the One Flame.

That’s definitely a different way of seeing things.

When we are able to behold someone’s True Self, a wonderful, miraculous thing can happen. The eighteenth century Rabbi, Dov Baer of Mezritch, said “When you gaze at an object, you bring blessing to it. For through contemplation, you know that it is absolutely nothing without the divinity that permeates it. By means of this awareness, you draw greater vitality to the object from the divine source of life, since you bind that thing to absolute nothingness, the origin of all.” When we gaze through someone’s shell into their Real Being, their stifled spark of Light begins to awaken, to pulsate, to brighten, even if only slightly at first. It vibrates and resonates with the Pure Heart within us that recognizes it– for they are the same Heart. Only Essence can recognize Essence.

You lost me.

Form can only experience form. Structure cannot experience Structurelessness. The only part of a being that can recognize Pure Being is Pure Being itself. Ibn Arabi wrote “When my Beloved appears, with what eye do I see Him? With His eye, not with mine; for no one sees Him except Himself.” Or as Bawa Muhaiyaddeen put it, “It is Allah who must worship Allah.”

What’s that supposed to mean?

Form can only worship the Divine from a distance. As something separate and other. But pure worshipping is a merging in which your greatest Beloved is directly and intimately known. Only your Essence can directly know Essence. So only Essence can purely worship Essence.

So you’re saying that the more common kinds of worship, practiced by, oh, maybe ninety percent of the Earth’s population, are impure? Man, you’re on a roll here! You’re knocking over sacred cows left and right.

Maybe it’s still too early to go further into this.

Come on. Like you said yesterday, even if I don’t agree with you, I can still have the maturity to at least openly hear your incorrect perspective. I mean, it’s not like I’m going to stomp off and run to my mommy. She got a restraining order. So are you really saying that the normal ways people worship are impure?

I’m not saying the usual ways are bad or wrong. They can be a beautiful rekindling of the longing within our hearts to be Home. To be reunited with the Divine. But as long as we are worshipping the Divine as up there, as long as we perceive the slightest distance between lover and Beloved, we are saying the Divine is not already right here, flowing through this very moment and through our very hearts. And a god that is not absolutely and completely right here and right now is not an infinite god. It is a limited, finite god.

So now you’re saying practically everyone is worshipping the wrong god? Or I guess if you count Hindus, the wrong gods? So in the last five minutes, you’ve said we’re no better than the worst being in existence, any worshipping we do is impure, and any god we worship is not really God! Two words: Bulletproof vest! With a matching bullet proof shirt and tie. I mean, there might be one or two people that wouldn’t be offended by any of that!

Do you understand what I mean about how our way of pushing away and closing off Truth is the same as the most lost soul’s, it’s just not to the same extent?

Yeah, I think so.

Good. Then let’s look at the other two scandalous items. By the way, for what it’s worth, Hindus believe in many deities, but in one Formless Godhead. They believe there are many different facets of that One Pure Diamond, but there is only one Brahman, the Pure, Formless, Uncreated Godhead. The Pure Divine.

Hey, ask me what a Hindu is.

All right. What’s a Hindu?

Lays eggs. But my question is, you’re saying we’re all impurely worshipping the wrong god?

It’s not that we’re worshipping the wrong god. We’re just underestimating God. We keep placing limits and boundaries around the Divine when there are none. We just can’t believe the Divine is so close to us that in spite of our convincing perceptions, there isn’t ever the slightest separation.

Remember Saint Teresa: “At first… I did not know that God was in all things. And when He seemed to me to be so near, I thought it impossible.” And the Sufi, Iraqi: “Beloved, I sought You here and there, asked for news of You from all I met. Then I saw You through myself, and found we were identical.”

Now this does not mean the form of our mind and body is Untainted Divinity. It means the center of our heart and the center of God’s heart is the same Untainted Center. The Heart of Innocence within the heart of every being is Pure Being. Emerson wrote “The heart in thee is the Heart of all.” And so anytime we worship the Divine as something other, something separate, it is a misconception. It’s not the purest form of worship. The purest worship is when we are directly and intimately knowing the Divine. But only the Original Spark within us can know the Infinite Flame. Only our Pure Center can know the Pure Center. Only Essence can merge with Essence. Only Allah can worship Allah. We’ll talk more about this, but for now I want to return to seeing through someone’s costume into their True Nature.

Okay, but first some quick feedback from the guinea pig: Maybe you should cut back a little with knocking over all the sacred cows. I mean, if you say things like that at your talks, people will just walk out before you get a chance to explain. Maybe you’ve forgotten how completely outrageous some of this stuff sounds at first! It can really get people to put up walls. And if you could avoid that in some cases by just explaining it a little more gently, then why not? I’m not trying to be a jerk here, not that I have to try. I’m just giving you my honest opinion.

Your honest opinion is always welcome.

Okay, then you could lighten up a little too. You seem kind of stiff and dry most of the time. And you don’t seem to appreciate a good joke when you hear one.

I love a good joke. I just haven’t heard any recently. So does it feel like my heart is heavy and stiff and serious?

No, actually. That’s what’s kind of weird. Your heart seems pretty light and relaxed somehow. Like you’re in on some big joke that I don’t know about yet. It feels kind of like your eyes are always smiling. But your personality is a little– and I hope you don’t take this in the way it’s intended– but it’s a little boring and formal and serious most of the time. Nothing flashy, aside from the hundred gigabyte memory. You kind of remind me of my dad when he would help me with my homework. He was really serious about it, and he used to get frustrated sometimes with the way I wouldn’t stay focused and pay attention. The Ritalin really worked wonders though. He took it regularly.

My personality has always tended to be serious most of the time. But the predispositions of the surface personality don’t affect or interfere with being light-hearted within. And in this case, my mind is probably even more focused than usual, because we have so much to talk about and not much time to do it.

So to respond to your feedback, I’m sure I could be more delicate about how I introduce some of these ideas. But at the same time, when tightly held beliefs are threatened, there’s going to be agitation. That agitation is a good sign. Things are getting shaken up. And people who aren’t willing to have their world shaken, at least a little, can best protect their beliefs by staying away from anyone who might say something challenging.

What if your beliefs are already pretty much right?

The question isn’t so much whether your beliefs are accurate, but how tightly you hold onto them. It’s fine to have a weightless belief floating around above you, whether it’s accurate or not. But to try to use a belief as part of the foundation on which you stand, that creates an investment in it remaining untouched. Because if it goes, your whole foundation begins to give, and you don’t have anything to stand on anymore, until you throw together another belief. So even if your beliefs are fairly accurate representations of reality, if you are depending on them in any way to somehow hold your life together, you’re depending on something, that you have to hold together, to serve as what holds you together. You’re trying to stand on something that you have to hold up. It’s a precarious situation, which is why you instinctively know you have to protect your beliefs so tightly.

* * * * * *

All right. So let’s get back to what happens when we behold someone’s True Nature. That Pure Pearl of Essence hidden deep within them begins to sparkle and glow, and the thick layers of ice around it begin to thin and melt, even if only a little. Their armor can loosen, their defenses can relax, their heart can begin to open and their Light can begin to shine. Sometimes no change is perceptible and sometimes the change is profound. But regardless, the beauty of this way of seeing another is that it helps to permanently and deeply change our perception of the other person. We can never again muster quite the same amount of judgment or dislike for them we might have once had. There is irretractable compassion for their unique spark, even if there is also a strong awareness that their behavior is completely unacceptable.

This way of perceiving another is natural and spontaneous when one is Self realized. This is why it can be so powerful to be in the presence of one who is awake. They so clearly see your True Nature, and your spark turns into a brilliant flame in resonance and remembrance. The Eastern tradition of having darshan with a master is based on this. The master gazes into the eyes of the seeker, and the seeker’s own Essence is unveiled. Of course, the tendency is to believe the teacher is giving you something and you are receiving it. In truth, the master is only seeing you and being with you as you really are. The energy, the bliss, the opening, and the melting that can be experienced from this is primarily generated within your Self, as the sleeping embers start to burst into flames and the icy shell begins to melt into Flowing Liquid Sunshine. I call this beautiful way of beholding another being “the gaze of the Heart”. As the fox told the Little Prince, “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; What is essential is invisible to the eye.” The gaze of the Heart is one of the greatest gifts that can be given to others and to ourselves. Because only Essence can perceive Essence, when we behold another person as they truly are, we simultaneously increase our connection with our own True Nature as well as with theirs.

Bawa Muhaiyaddeen wrote “The One born as Man must know who He is. The earth, fire, air, water, ether and their various aspects must be seen and known. Then there is the Light of the Soul. Discard all the rest and see It.” The gaze of the Heart helps us to perceive this Light of the Soul, even in those towards whom we feel strong negative feelings.

So how do we do it?

This precious gift is not one that we can do. It’s not something that we can possess and then give away. So quickly the mind thinks, “Look what I can do for someone else! I must be very spiritually evolved! What power I have!” Then this mind that is trying to do someone else a favor with a nice little trick it has learned will be left alone, looking for Essence, wondering where it has gone. The mind cannot find Essence, hold Essence, own Essence or use Essence. It can only resist it or bow down and serve it. When the mind is master, the soul sleeps. When the soul is master, the mind serves. And when the soul is servant, there is only Essence, dancing with Essence, in praise of Essence.

So, we cannot give someone the experience of Essence any more than we can make the sun shine on them. But when we deeply perceive them to be one with the Sun itself, then the gift of Sunshine may spontaneously arise in us both.

Well it sounds pretty easy to intellectually think, “That person is really a spark of Essence, in spite of their bazooka.” But how do you deeply perceive it?

The most direct and easiest way is to completely and totally give back all that you are to Pure Being. Then it happens spontaneously, effortlessly and continuously.

Um, yeah, I’ll have to try that. But how about a back up plan, just in case that doesn’t really pan out.

For those who insist on doing things the hard way, the gaze of the Heart can be practiced and cultivated. But like all practices, if it is done with tightness and force, it is only reinforcing the old way, the way of insistence and effort and pushing and holding. That is an impure heart insisting on obtaining purity and power to use as it wishes.

So how can you practice it in a pure, untainted way?

Only by gently inviting yourself to explore it when it flows, rather than twisting your own arm to keep practicing it to work towards some spiritual goal you think you need or want. The gaze of the Heart is not a tool to be used to achieve anything, no matter how noble. It is simply True Seeing. Seeing with the Heart of Innocence. Such seeing can never be used by us. It can only be gratefully and humbly received by us.

So if it feels right and if you aren’t doing it out of tightness and if you aren’t forcing yourself and if you aren’t trying to achieve anything and if you aren’t using it and if insert here whatever I forgot to mention, how the hell do you practice it?

There are several ways to gently guide yourself to a place where your inner Heart is gazing at another’s. Essence knowing Essence. Because we tend to live in the mind, it’s sometimes easier at first to start there, with an intellectual understanding of what they really are, and then to sink deeper and deeper into the heart in whatever way works best.

Do you actually practice this around people, or do you do it alone like a kind of meditation practice?

Either one. It can arise when you are looking at or interacting with another person, or when you are alone, beholding someone in your mind and heart. When you do this as a practice by yourself, it can be easier to start with someone you already have strong positive feelings for. Then when you have a strong sense of them as a shimmering spark of Essence itself, move on to someone you feel more neutral about. Then move on to someone you have some negative feelings for, and finally focus on someone you feel strong negative feelings about. This gradual progression comes from Buddhist meditation practices for cultivating compassion.

I still don’t get how I would actually do it.

We’ve already covered a lot of ground today. But if you’re up for it, we could stay with it a bit longer, and I could guide you through how you might explore the gaze of the Heart on your own.

I’m game. But I have to tell you, in high school I was never voted “Most likely to be compassionate.” The idiots.

This should be interesting then. We’ll jump right in with someone you really dislike. It could be a world figure, a personal enemy, a friend who hurt you, a relative, a past love, whomever you choose. So just take a minute and think of someone…

Oh man, do I have someone! Good luck! Maybe we should start with a little kitten or something, and then slowly work our way up, say over the next decade.

It sounds like you’ve picked a good one. Now, there’s no question that you have the ability to prove to me that this was too much for you. Too big a jump. But if you are honestly open to the possibility of exploring a different way of perceiving this person, and possibly becoming more aware of the True Nature within you both, then let’s give it a try.

I’ll be honest. I’m not trying to be deliberately closed or anything, and I really do want to try it. But at the same time, it does feel like it’s too big of a jump. Like maybe I really do need a warm up first.

All right, then let’s do a quick warm up. So, picture a little kitten, playfully scamping about with a ball of yarn, pouncing on it, biting it with its cute little mouth, batting it around with its little paws. Imagine you just brought this kitten home from the pet store and–

–Never! I would never buy a kitten at a pet store! Only at an animal shelter, where there are so many unwanted and deserted pets that if they aren’t adopted into a good, loving home, they might even end up being killed!

Well then, this little kitten is very glad you went to the animal shelter and adopted it.

I couldn’t help it, really. Our eyes met from across the room.

So now you are home with it, watching it play and frolic and puff up and pounce. And while you are watching it, imagine that you can see inside its furry little chest where there is a glowing, pulsing heart of light, shining brightly with the joy and vibrancy the kitten is feeling. Can you picture it?

Yeah. This I can handle.

Now, imagine that you have to leave for a while.

To go hang around the pet store with a sign that says, “Please neuter your pets.” You know, planned pet parenthood is so important these days. Back when I was a kid, pets used to wait until they were at least a year old before becoming sexually active. Now some of them are running around getting pregnant at 6 or 7 months! What’s wrong with this generation? And they don’t even talk things over first to make sure they’re really ready for the responsibility. It’s just a sperm of the moment thing.

Be that as it may, as you are leaving, you tell the kitty that you will be back soon and to be good. Now, the kitten doesn’t understand you very well yet, and when you told it good-bye, it thought you said “You are the cutest kitten in all the world. I am but your servant.” A common mistake among cats. After a while, the kitty looks up from playing with the yarn and realizes you’re not there. You, its surrogate mother, the provider of food and love and comfort, are gone. It suddenly feels scared and alone. It tromps all over the house looking for you. It calls for you with a pitiful little meow, but you’re nowhere to be found.

Poor wittle kitty.

It slips out the door into the garage to see if you’re there. It tries to jump up on a gas can to get a better look around. The can spills over, and gas starts pouring out.

Uh oh.

The kitten is startled and starts to runs out the garage door to the driveway. It slips a little in the gasoline, but gets better traction as it steps on a piece of sand paper that was laying by the can. And as its little claws scratch against the sand paper, it makes a spark.

Double Uh oh.

The kitten runs out of the garage, scared but unharmed. But the spark starts a fire, and your entire house burns down, along with all of your valuables.

Ouch!

Including your precious guitar.

Double ouch! That does it! I’ve lost that loving feline!

What do you feel?

Anger! My guitar! My whole house! I just found out I had one and now it’s gone! I had a bad feeling about that sand paper. I was just too damn lazy to pick it up. But at the same time, I’m wondering if the little kitty is okay. Did it get gasoline on its little paws? Is it lost and starving or is someone taking care of it? I sort of feel both anger at it for the disaster it caused and care for it. I mean, my heart still goes out to it. It was just trying to find me. It was just scared. I don’t want anything bad to happen to it.

So, you are very upset about what it did, but you know that it just felt alone and scared and was desperately trying to find safety and comfort in the best way it knew how. You know that its innocent, glowing heart only wanted to feel okay again. You still feel compassion for it.

Right. Damn it, my new Lambrigini was in that garage!

Okay, we’ll consider that the warm up.

And my helicopters! It was a bigger than average garage.

* * * * * *

Now, back to that person you had in mind earlier.

Oh yeah.  I wonder if they would like a harmless little pyro-kitten. On second thought, I couldn’t do that to the kitten. All right, let’s give it a try. So, here’s the deal–

–With the gaze of the Heart, we’re not interested in the deeds the dragon has done. You are already aware of those. They may be terrible. Horrendous. They may be completely unacceptable. I am not disagreeing with that at all. But we want to set all that aside for now.

Speak for yourself.

You can fume over them later if you would like. For now, we only want to look deep within the dragon’s heart, and see what is unveiled. The nineteenth century poet, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, wrote “If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.”

I keep wanting to say “But if you and Henry only knew…”

It’s so easy to judge other people,–

–I know. That’s what I like about it. Anyway, it’s hard to just put my anger aside. I get what you’re saying– there are other perspectives. It just feels like this one is by far the biggest right now.

Wonderful. Be sure to remember how this feels, and in a few minutes we’ll see if things have changed. In the mean time, you don’t have to lock up those feelings. They are your own guard dragons, wanting to stop that big mean dragon from doing any more harm. They have permission to exist. Just know that there is enough space for them to be here and for us to focus on exploring a different perspective. Shall we begin?

Bring it on.

So, start with a mental image of this person. It makes things more difficult if you picture them doing whatever it is that upset you, so for now just imagine them standing there or sitting there, doing nothing in particular…

Okay.

Now, just be open to the intellectual understanding that their body and their personality are layers of a shell that is covering their Pure Center. That they have forgotten their True Nature, and identified themselves as this shell. That this spark of God is lost, lonely, homesick, confused, delusioned and scared. And to escape from the discomfort of all of that, they have added more layers to their shell to numb them and protect them from their inner pain and longing, so that they usually aren’t even aware of it. But no matter how thick and cold their shell may be, beneath it, they are still a spark of Pure Light. Just take a moment to really realize that intellectually…

Okay. I got it. I don’t like it, but I got it.

Good. Now let yourself visualize this truth in whatever way feels most powerful for you. You could picture their heart glowing with a radiant light, like the kitten’s. You could see them as the Light beings in the movie “Cocoon”, who wore human skin as a disguise. Just beneath this person’s skin is a glowing being of Light. But they put on their costume so long ago, they’ve long forgotten their radiant True Nature. Or you could imagine this person as a big mean dragon, and deep within their thick skin is an innocent child. The child they were long ago, before life got so hard and their skins became so thick. Or maybe in the center of this dragon’s heart is a pure, translucent pearl or diamond, glowing with the Pure Living Sunlight that is endlessly emanating from its center. Or maybe their shell is a thick iceberg, and in the center is a pure flame. Or a dazzling green emerald. Or you could visualize them as being a pure ray of the sun, coming here to shine. But maybe on their way to this world they got intertwined with a comet, and now they are trapped within its ice. Use whatever image or images you want, as long as you get a strong sense of the situation…

I guess I have one that seems okay.

Good. So just let yourself relax and let go a little bit. Take a deep breath… And now just let this image gently fall into your heart… So that it’s not just an image, but it’s also a felt sense deep within. A knowingness that the way you are seeing them now is more true than the way you were seeing them before. Just let yourself sink into your heart a little more. Resting there… Letting this image just softly, gently and effortlessly open up and come to life deep inside… And just imagine their outer shell is dissolving away, revealing a lost, homesick and confused spark of Pure Being… Let your awareness gaze on that image while simply resting in your heart. And allow simple compassion to naturally arise, just as it did when that innocent kitten felt so scared and alone…

Yeah, I can kind of feel it a little.

Good. And now let yourself gently remember times in your own life when you’ve made selfish, immature, hurtful, inappropriate choices… Remember how later you looked back with more clarity and felt regret for the pain you caused, hoping those you hurt would heal, and that they could find a way to forgive you. And hoping you would be able to forgive yourself… Sometimes this clarity arises in someone moments afterwards. Sometimes it takes eons. But that moment always comes.

Sounds like a kind of karma. When you hurt someone else, sooner or later you’ll feel it yourself?

Yes. But it isn’t a cold, detached, All Pervading Karmic Law of Hard Justice. It’s the tender, heart-piercing karma of Clear Seeing. As the heart becomes more and more open and soft and tender, it cannot help but feel the pain of the hardness it once was and the damage it caused. It isn’t punitive. It is the healing, Grace-filled karma of a melting heart.

So, let yourself imagine that future time in which their heart will wash clean with genuine sorrow… And let your heart open to this lost soul, whose confusion has been causing suffering to themselves and others. The second century Buddhist monk, Aryadeva, said “Buddhas see the delusion as the enemy, and not the childish who possess it.”

Just let yourself feel in your heart the truth that both of you are longing for Home and safety and love and peace, even if you have both mostly buried this longing beneath thick, numbing skins. You are both trying to stay afloat in the rough and disorienting waters of life. You are each a spark of the One Flame. You are kindred souls. Once, long ago, you both stood at the Rainbow Gateway, deciding to come explore these worlds. Maybe once or twice you have gotten yourself into a bind, and this Light being has given you a hand. Who knows? And maybe once or twice you have done the same for them. Can you feel in your heart a sense of compassion, and even kinship, with this being of Light? Can you feel how you are in the same boat, on the same journey, with the same buried longing for Love and Truth and Home? Even if your responses in this world have been vastly different?

Yeah, I can, surprisingly enough. It’s not that strong, but it’s there. It’s like if a kitten is scared, they may hiss and puff up and growl and scratch at you. But inside their heart they’re just scared, and not sure what to do. They’re just trying to feel safe, to protect themselves. And that’s what school yard bullies do too, you know? And I guess big, mean, ugly dragons are doing the same thing. I mean, a cobra is probably really scared when it’s about to strike. So it’s like this person has such a thick shell, it’s dark in there, and they can’t really see very clearly. It’s like they’re doing the best they can given how hard life is and how they learned to live it.

Exactly. And now imagine their layers of confusion and homesickness dissolving away, so that what is unveiled is a pure, brilliant spark of Essence, joyfully shimmering with Love and Light. A drop of Pure Ocean, experientially separated from the Infinite Ocean by only the thinnest of membranes. This being is bathed in the love, safety, peace and joy that is its True Self. Can you sense this spark resting in the One Flame? Can you sense this soul resting in the Heart of God? Completely quenched, completely whole, completely at peace?

Yeah. I actually feel happy for them. That’s amazing.

Wonderful. Now let your heart sense that final thinnest of membranes momentarily dissolving, so that this droplet of water completely merges with the One Ocean. Let yourself feel that soul melting fully and again becoming one with the Heart of God. That ray of the Sun melting back into its Pure Center. So that now there is only boundaryless Oneness celebrating Oneness. Beingness resting in Beingness. Beyond contentment. Beyond bliss. Beyond peace. The place no structure can enter. No words can describe. No mind can grasp. The place of Pure No-thingness. The place of What is Left. This place cannot be grasped or imagined or held. But can you sense towards it? Can your heart have fleeting moments of intuiting it? Of experiencing the subtle Presence of it?

I’m not sure. I definitely feel something really subtle and energized in my chest. I don’t think I can really describe it. It’s kind of calm and sure and peaceful instead of ecstatic and excited. But that calmness makes it really subtle, and I can’t really tell what it is. And my mind says, yeah, right, I’m just imagining it. But then it seems like maybe my heart is kind of calmly saying, no, I can feel it. It’s real. And it feels like my belly might be saying, “Man, I could really go for some pizza.” Anyway, whatever this feeling in my chest is, around it is this feeling of happiness for them. I’m glad they’re at peace.

Wonderful. And now, while continuing to have a sense of them as being merged into Oneness, allow the thin membrane to return, so that there is again the individual spark, the soul, resting within that Oneness.

Okay.

Now, while still sensing the True Nature of this Light being, allow yourself to simultaneously have an image of that person. So that you are seeing both their Pure Essence and their shell at the same time. Being aware of them as a human being, while simultaneously being aware of their Pure Self. And it’s not as though their soul is good and their humanness is bad. Their personality is just the way their soul lives, the best that it can, without awareness of itself. It is the unconscious soul. And as such it deserves compassion and appreciation. Can you sense that?

Yeah. That feels true.

Wonderful! And finally, imagine that their Essence, a Pure Ray of the One Sun, is shining outward from within their physical body, bathing it and all that is around it with the brilliant Light of Pure Being. So that to look at them is to see a spark of God. To be in their presence is to be in the Presence of God. To love them is to love God. To open your heart to them is to open it to God. This is seeing them with the Heart of Innocence. This is the gaze of the Heart.

Wow. Talk about seeing someone in a new light! I mean, it’s not all that strong, and my mind is kind of active and skeptical, but still, I can definitely sense it. I actually feel compassion for them! Just like that kitten! And this is really weird, but as I picture them as a pure being of Light, I actually feel a kind of respect for them. Almost like– like reverence. Yeah, like reverence! I mean, they are a spark of God! This is wild!

Wonderful! The sixteenth century Indian saint, Dadu, wrote “In every man is the one Spirit; hold Him therefore in reverent respect. Recognize that Spirit in yourself and others; it is the manifestation of the Lord.” And listen to William Blake: “God appears, and God is Light to those poor souls who dwell in night; But doth a human form display to those who dwell in realms of day.” This reverence you feel is your own Pure Essence recognizing Pure Essence in another. In the Hindu tradition, there is a greeting: Namaste.

Nom oss tay?

It’s spelled N-a-m-a-s-t-e. Namaste. It means the Divine in me greets the Divine in you. The spark of God within me recognizes the spark of God within you. Essence recognizing Essence. Pure Being seeing itself. There is a spontaneous sense of reverence, grace, humility and gratefulness when you realize you are beholding a precious spark of God. A unique face of the Divine.

So it may be interesting to notice how your feelings towards this person might be different in the coming weeks. There may still be strong feelings about what they have done, but you will not view this person the same again.

Yeah, it already feels different. I guess it takes two to tango. And only one to bow.

Ahh, but a true bow requires no one at all! In the eighth century, Li Po wrote “We sit together, the mountain and me, until only the mountain remains.”

What, he got eaten by a tiger or something?

Exactly! By the Tiger of Truth! No wonder so many people choose instead to run away! Or to wear heavy armor that keeps away this magnificent, terrifying, ferocious beast, that ends the life they have been trying so hard to arrange just so! But they needn’t be concerned. This tiger only goes where it has truly been invited.

Now, when we behold another with the gaze of the Heart, their spark may begin to awaken, resonate and glow, and the frozen layers of their shell may begin to melt, even if just a little. But as I’ve said, that isn’t a pure reason to practice it. If we actually held the power to strip away the defenses of others, would it be our place to do so? To change others based on our ideas of how they should be, without their consent?

Sounds great. As long as I’m the one holding the magic wand.

But fortunately, we don’t hold this power. The need to change others or ourselves holds within it a tightness. Tightness cannot melt tightness. Effort cannot melt effort. Ice cannot melt ice. But the Heart of Innocence has no need for anything to change. Because of its own Absolute Openness, Unwavering Acceptance, and Unconditional Love, it cannot help but recognize and love and fall into the Original Innocence in all that it sees. And it is exactly because it so completely opens and flows into all that is, just as it is, that it can be so healing. We’ll go into this more in the next couple of weeks.

So, don’t hold onto making yourself do this practice because it sounds like a good idea. But let yourself be completely open and willing to honor any deeper call to explore it that might arise. Such a call wouldn’t come from a place of insisting on trying to change what is. But from an innocent inner longing to see the Real everywhere it has been hiding. Even in its most convincing costumes. And if the Light in another person’s heart happens to resonate in recognition of Essence seeing Essence, and if it begins to shine and pulsate and melt some of their layers, so be it. And if not, so be it. Your only interest is a gentle, authentic intent for the Purest Truth to be unveiled. And when you are fortunate enough for that to happen as your heart gazes upon another, you are given the gift of beholding a precious spark of the Divine. And then, says our Sufi friend, Hamid al-Ghazali, “The meaning of the words ‘All things perish except for His face’ is known by experience.”  Hafiz said:

My eyes can no longer hide
The wondrous fact of who you really are.
The Beautiful One whom I adore
Has pitched His royal tent inside of you,
So I will always lean my heart
As close to your soul as I can.

* * * * * *

You know, when you talk about someone’s inner heart waking up and glowing and resonating with your own, it kind of reminds me of E.T. He didn’t have any signs of life, and everyone thought he was dead. Then when the space ship came back for him, he sensed their presence and his heart light started glowing again.

Yes, it’s very much like that. The True Life seems gone in us, but when our Inner Heart senses the presence of its own kind, it awakens and resonates and shines again. And then True Life returns.

E.T. was an explorer, an investigator. He chose to come and explore this world, with other kindred beings. But soon he found himself trapped here, unable to go home. He was lost and alone in a scary world, where hearts do not glow. He spent some time getting to know this new world. But he couldn’t ignore the growing longing within him for his true home. So he sent a desperate plea for help, asking his kindred beings to save him from this lonely world, asking that they help him return to where he truly belonged. He didn’t know if anyone heard, and he didn’t know if help would come. And as the days passed, he felt more alone, more lost and more desperate. The glow in his heart was fading. And he began to whither. Soon, all trace of Life was gone in him. There was only a cold, gray lifeless shell.

But his kindred beings had heard his plea. They pulsed their heart lights towards him. And even though they were far away, his heart faintly glowed in resonance. They had not forgotten him, and they would help him return home. And as E.T.’s heart began to glow with Life again, it thawed the stiff and frozen shell he seemed to have become.

His kindred beings could not go to where he was, but they were pulsating their heart lights, guiding him to where they would be waiting, at the place he first entered this world. E.T. knew this was his best and maybe only chance to go home. Despite his fear, despite the many obstacles in his way, he went forward with single-hearted intention. This was his one desire. And for it, he was willing to leave behind everything of this world. He felt the distant doorway opening for him, and he was determined to reach it. When he came across seemingly insurmountable obstacles, his inextinguishable resolve allowed him to rise above them. Literally! He gave himself completely to the Light pulsing in his heart, and nothing could stop him. When all obstacles had been overcome, and when he had left behind all things of this world, he finally came to the place where his heart had guided him. And there the doorway was open and ready, his kindred beings awaiting his return.

As he stood before this doorway, there was one last attachment holding him back. Something beautiful of this world, that he did not want to leave behind. It was his true friend, Elliot, who had helped him with his quest for home even though it meant losing someone he deeply loved. E.T. looked at the open doorway. Then he looked at Elliot. The boy’s heart was so pure, so bright, its glow could not be fully hidden by the thick skin of a human. They stood there for a moment, kindred beings, each sensing the heart of the other, feeling the deep pain of separation and the profound gratefulness for true friendship. In that timeless moment, their hearts were one. And then E.T. turned towards the doorway, and walked through. On the other side, his kindred beings greeted him, their hearts glowing in celebration. Then they took E.T. back to his true home, to a place where every heart is made of pure light.

So, my friend, until Monday, namaste.

Certainly.

I can see how you could do it alone as a practice, and maybe start to get better at seeing people as a living spark of Pure Being. But to actually see someone that way while I’m talking to them, forget it. Sure, I could think it intellectually, but to be able to really feel it, I just can’t imagine it.

It’s no problem that you can’t imagine it, because it can’t be done with your imagination. Only Essence can recognize Essence. Yes, it is very difficult for most of us to really see another, to experience the pure spark that they truly are. In order to see that place we must see from that place. As our own layers begin to thin, or as we stop identifying with them, we begin to experience our own True Nature more deeply, and then experiencing another’s becomes more and more natural.

You know, it’s so damn easy to say all this stuff. That you just have to melt your layers away or stop identifying with them and then you can experience Essence. Just look inside, just shift your awareness, just look with your heart, just let go of your armor, just be still, it’s here all the time, it’s what we really are, and so on and so on. But for me to really experience all that– forget it! I mean, why are you even wasting your time telling me all this? I mean, what the hell’s the point of me having a conceptual understanding of this stuff, however basic, if I’m never going to get there? I’m sure everyone else at your talk that night just walks around in bliss all the time– Maybe you should just focus on them. Maybe I’m not ready to hear this stuff. Maybe I’m never going to get there so why should I even try!

I mean, it’s just suddenly hitting me how frustrating it is that we talk about all this crap and I’m probably never going to really experience it. Maybe a fleeting moment now and then, but hell, that’s just rubbing it in. I’m basically going to be stuck with just concepts of it for the rest of my life! And what the hell’s the point of that?

And I’m sorry– it’s not crap. I just don’t think I’ll ever get anywhere. I at least have the sense to know it has nothing to do with what you believe, what you read, what you conceptually understand. That ain’t it. You can think you understand this stuff in your mind, big deal. It’s what you experience, what you realize, how you live it that matters. So I fail! I flunk! I’m a flunking idiot! I’m stuck just being a caterpillar. I’ll either spend the rest of my life trying in vain to get it, or I’ll resent that I can’t get it so much I’ll just say screw it!

I mean, I know my life is missing something really important, I know I have a lot of defenses, I know I have a closed heart, I know I live in my mind, I know I don’t want to let go of my ego. What you’re talking about sounds so appealing– at least, up to that part about being annihilated. It sort of takes a turn down hill at that point. But I mean, to let go of all the tension, all the stress, all the fears, all the judging, all the trying to be liked and accepted and so on and so on, and to just be content and at peace and full of joy and love– to start with all that instead of always trying to get it or else trying to hide the need for it– who the hell wouldn’t want that? But let’s be honest. For me it’s just a fricking fairy tale. That’s all it will ever be. You say that I am Essence and I still can’t find it! How hard can it be to find if it’s what I am? If it’s all there is? Too damn hard for me, apparently. You like quotes– Here’s one for you: “Ignorance is bliss.” I mean, what’s the point of helping people realize what they’re missing if they’re never going to have it? You show some starving person a piece of bread and they say, “Yeah, that’s what I’ve been longing for, that’s what I need!” Then you walk away with it saying, “Yeah, well good luck finding another one!” It’s like you’re starting to uncover this deep need in me that will probably never be fulfilled. Well thanks for crashing my party!

And you keep saying that only Essence can experience Essence. That structure can’t experience Structurelessness. And then you say that what we think we are is just a shell. Just structure. Then how the hell am I supposed to get there? The only part of me that can experience it is the part of me that’s already it, and the rest of me, forget it! And since all I think I am is the rest of me, it’s pretty damn hopeless, isn’t it? I mean, the part of me that wants Essence can never have it. This “I” that I think I am can never experience Essence. Who I think I am can never be Self realized. Only the Self can realize the Self, right? So I can never become awakened! Does that make sense? Whatever the hell I really am is already enlightened, whatever that means, and the rest of me never will be! Can that be right? If only Essence can experience Essence, then the me that doesn’t experience Essence, which is the only me I’m aware of, will never experience it, because that me isn’t Essence, it’s structure. So who I think I am can never have Essence! I can never be Self realized! Help me out here! What am I missing? This doesn’t look good!

Ahh, you have brought us to the great paradox.

So bring us out of it! Quickly!

We pretend to be the shell, we think that we’re the creature, but truly we’re the Pearl, on a great adventure. We try to mold the shell into a precious stone, while in the center rests the Pearl, our pure and perfect Home.

That’s beautiful, really, but GET ME OUT of this mess!

Let’s start by looking into this predicament a bit more, and then we can see whether or not there is a way out of it. Do you want to take a moment to get more centered, or are you ready to continue?

I was born ready. But then the doctor dropped me. My parents filed a big law suit, but the hospital won. They said I should’ve had a warning label: “Slippery when wet.” Maybe we should’ve hired an attorney. Anyway, let’s get to it.

So, you are absolutely correct.

Yeah, but they’re so damn expensive.

About the predicament.

I am? You’re supposed to tell me it’s not that hopeless!

You are struggling with what may be the most important and difficult to grasp truth of awakening: That which you think you are can never attain enlightenment or Self realization. Ever. It can never know Home. And that which you truly are can never be other than enlightened. Other than Home. And yet, every spiritual seeker has tried again and again to become Essence. They have heard radiant pearls exist. They may have even encountered one. Or they may even have had fleeting moments in which they experienced themselves to be one. And they have been told that they can learn to permanently turn themselves into one if they work at it. So they try to transmute the finite shell they believe they are into a brilliant, infinite pearl. But they can never succeed. The finite cannot become the Infinite. The temporary cannot become the Permanent. The shell cannot turn itself into the Pure Pearl. The dragon skin cannot become an innocent child. The board game piece can never become a person. A preposterous idea, isn’t it? And yet, in an instant, the player of the game can realize the True Self they always were.

The great paradox. Your personality, your identity, your ego, your mind, which is comprised of structure, can never become enlightened. That which you believe yourself to be has no possibility of Self realization. None at all. And yet, it is possible to become Self realized, to intimately, directly and unceasingly KNOW yourself to be the True Nature you have always been. This creates a very difficult and frustrating situation for those who seek Self realization.

Yeah, I noticed.

Some of us spend our lives trying to reach Self realization when it cannot be reached! Ramana Maharshi said “You speak of various paths as if you were somewhere and the Self were somewhere else and you had to go and attain it. But in fact the Self is here and now and you are it always.” This has been realized again and again, throughout the centuries. Confucius: “To find the Tao, there is nowhere you need to search. If it is not inside you, it is not the Tao.” The Buddha: “Please don’t think when I attained enlightenment there was anything I attained.” The thirteenth century Zen master, Dogen: “Truth is not far away. It is nearer than near. There is no need to attain it, since not one of your steps leads away from it.” Ibn Arabi: “Nothing but the Reality is; there is no separate being, no arriving and no being far away.” The early twentieth century sage, Krishnamurti: “The real is near. You do not have to search for it.” Huang Po: “That there is nothing to be attained is not idle talk; it is the truth.” And remember Shankara: “As Brahman constitutes a person’s Self, it is not something to be attained by that person.”

But no matter how many times we may hear this, we know we don’t experience it to be true. We know we don’t experience ourselves as the Pure Self. We know we usually feel very far from our True Home. We know there is something missing. We long for Essence, and we refuse to just give up. What else can we do but keep trying, keep searching? Perhaps we have moments, blissful or clear or astounding moments, of experiencing Essence. But then they fade away, and we are again left searching for that which we long for. But Essence cannot be found anywhere that can be searched.

One more time?

Essence cannot be found anywhere that can be searched. The very words “searching” and “seeking” require an object, an other, that is sought. The only way to search is to search for something other. But Essence is not other. It is All. It is Oneness. It is Pure Otherlessness. Seng-ts’an wrote “In the world of things as they are, there is no self, no non-self. If you want to describe its essence, the best you can say is ‘Not-two’. In this Not-two, nothing is separate, and nothing in the world is excluded… In it there is no gain or loss; one instant is ten thousand years. There is no here, no there; infinity is right before your eyes.” The very act of searching for something limits our search to the realm of duality. Oneness cannot be found in that realm. And so, Yung-chia Ta-shih tells us, “So long as you seek Buddhahood, specifically exercising yourself for it, there is no attainment for you.” And Yazid al-Bistami says, “This thing we tell of can never be found by seeking, yet only seekers find it.” So what’s a spiritual seeker to do?

Run like hell.

At times that’s a tempting option. It cannot be found by searching for it. That which we believe ourselves to be can never discover it. We consider this for a few minutes and find ourselves hopelessly, completely lost. The mind says, “What can I do? Surely there must be something I can do. It certainly won’t happen if I don’t do anything! Millions of people don’t do anything and it isn’t happening to them!” And so, at a loss, the mind goes back to trying to find it and trying to become it, the wind circling the hurricane, trying to become the eye.

What do you mean?

No matter how much effort the wind puts into trying to blow the right way, it can never become the eye. It can never even find it. No matter how fast or how hard or how diligently the wind blows around in its circle, the eye is nowhere to be found. But where else can the wind possibly look? Its search is limited by the boundaries of where it can exist. Wind cannot enter the still and silent center. It cannot exist there. So all of its effort goes into searching in the circumference, where the eye can never be found. What else can it do?

Then what do we do? What’s the solution?

As long as it’s the mind asking what it can do, there is no solution. There’s nothing the finite can do to discover the Infinite. The temporal cannot know the Eternal. There is nothing the small self can do to know the Center of the soul. The eighteenth century Christian mystic, William Law, wrote “Though God is everywhere present, yet He is only present to thee in the deepest and most central part of thy soul. The natural senses cannot possess God or unite thee to Him; nay, thy inward faculties of understanding, will and memory can only reach after God, but cannot be the place of His habitation in thee.” And in the early seventeenth century, the German shoemaker and mystic, Jakob Boehme, wrote–

–I bet he saved a lot of soles.

And he heeled a lot of people. He wrote, “But how shall I comprehend it? If thou goest about to comprehend it, then it will fly away from thee, but if thou dost surrender thyself wholly up to it, then it will abide with thee, and become the Life of thy Life and be natural to thee.”

So whateth is the wayeth outeth?

Since our structured minds can’t do anything to get out of the situation, maybe a better question is: How can we become aware of the part of us that is always Structurelessness? Or, more accurately, how can we become aware of what we really are?

So what the hell’s the answer?

To answer that, we need to start with looking more into what our True Nature really is.

Great. I’d love it if you would keep stalling as long as possible.

* * * * * *

Now it bears repeating that Essence is inconceivable. It can’t be grasped. We can still use concepts to help us try to get a sense of it, but we must remember that they cannot fully succeed. So let’s use our intellects some to expand our conceptual understanding of what our Essence is, and then we’ll look at how we can realize it as what we truly are. This may get a bit difficult for the mind, but I think you’ll find it worth while. We’re getting to the heart of what Self realization and True Surrender are really about.

I’m all ears. At least, that’s what they used to tell me in kindergarten. The teacher was always supportive though. “Children, stop making fun of Dumbo.” Anyway, go ahead.

So, one of the ways of conceptualizing Essence is as Pure Awareness. Plotinus wrote “We ought not to class the One as a ‘Thinking being’ but, rather, simply as ‘awareness’, for awareness does not think.” Essence is pure, nondual Awareness, without a subject or object. It’s not aware of any thing, nor is it unaware of any thing. In the pristine realm of Pure Awareness, there are no objects for it to be aware or unaware of. There is only the nondual no-thing-ness of Pure Awareness itself. We can’t even say it is aware of itself. That would still require two-ness. It would require an object of its awareness even if that object is itself. Pure Awareness is not some thing that it can be aware of. It is simply Pure Consciousness without an object. An endless beam of light cannot shine on itself. And if it is all there is, it cannot shine on anything else. It can only shine. We can imagine our True Nature to be a shining beam of Pure Awareness.

Well, I think my batteries might be running low.

The Eternal Sun can never run out of Pure Energy.

It keeps going and going and going.

The eighth century Buddhist monk, Padma-Shambhava, wrote “In its true state, mind is naked, immaculate, transparent, empty, timeless, uncreated, unimpeded; not realizable as a separate thing, but as the unity of all things, yet not composed of them; undifferentiated, self-radiant, indivisible, and without qualities.” The mind he is speaking of is Pure Awareness itself, without duality, without other, without any qualities at all. Shankara said “The Atman is one, absolute, indivisible. It is pure consciousness. To imagine many forms within it is like imagining palaces in the air. Therefore, know that you are the Atman, ever blissful, one without a second, and find the ultimate peace.”

This nondual Pure Awareness is all that is. We can’t even say that there are separate realms of duality that are outside of its nonduality. Pure Awareness is all encompassing. Nothing is beyond it, nothing is excluded from it, nothing is other than it, and nothing is separate from it. While we experience ourselves and this level of reality to be in the realm of duality, separate from Essence, from the vantage of Essence it’s clear there is only One. There is only Essence.

That’s hard to picture. It sounds like from our end of things there’s duality, but from the other end there’s not.

Exactly. Imagine a laser show, in which different colors and shapes and patterns and forms are displayed. They appear and disappear and perhaps even seem to interact. Entire stories can be experienced. Different patterns and energy frequencies create a very convincing experience of duality and form. Yet from the view point of the laser beam, it’s clear there is only itself. All of those forms and patterns which seem so real are not other than the pure light itself.

Similarly, waves may experience themselves to be separate from the ocean and from other waves. But this does not make it so. The ocean is always one, seamless, indivisible. Essence is an infinite ocean of Pure Awareness. A wave is just oceanness that has narrowed the focus of its awareness to one particular crest of flowing ocean and to its surroundings. When the wave sinks its awareness down deeply enough into itself, it sees that in truth, there is no other. There is no separation. Its True Nature is infinitely more vast than it had ever imagined. In that realization, it loses its identity of being just a wave, but it does not, it cannot lose anything that was truly its Self. Only the temporary can be annihilated.

Gee, that’s comforting to my temporary little mind.

Now let’s return to the laser show, and stretch our imaginations by supposing that the laser light has awareness. Imagine that one of the shapes being created is the figure of a star. If that beam of light making the form of a star has awareness, we can imagine that it might focus its awareness on the star so much that it begins to identify that form as what it is. Rather than experiencing itself as a pure, aware beam of light, it now thinks of itself as the star. All of its awareness is focusing towards the direction of this world of forms and patterns it’s creating. So it’s no longer aware of the existence of the light that it truly is.

Now, if this figure of a star were told it’s really a beam of light, it might feel a subtle remembrance deep within of that being true. And then it might try to find this light it really is. It might look around the world of form, both inside and outside the star. But it cannot see this beam of light anywhere! It then might try to somehow transform the star it thinks it is into a beam of light. But that form of a star, that is actually being created by the light, can never become the beam of light. From the perspective of the light it isn’t even real as a separate thing. Are you following me so far?

Right up until that part where you started talking. I mean, like you said, the mind can’t get it. How in the hell can Essence be nondual, and still include within its nonduality everything in the world of duality? It’s like duality is really nondual, which is probably dangerous to think about without medical supervision.

It is impossible to grasp. We clearly experience duality. But since all is Essence, nothing is other. So from this perspective, there is only Essence itself. Nothing is excluded. Nothing is separate. Nothing is other. All is One. The eighth century Tibetan Buddhist nun, Yeshe Tsogyel, wrote “We are not two, yet you look for me outside. When you find me within yourself, your own naked mind, that Single Awareness will fill all worlds. Then the joy of the One will hold you like a lake.”

So, if that beam of light that thinks it is just a two dimensional star can simply let its attention effortlessly sink back into its awareness itself, rather than constantly directing it towards objects in the world of form, then it can experience directly what it truly is. If it can stop trying to be aware of anything, and even stop trying to be aware of the light, and if it can just rest its attention in awareness itself, its awareness can return back into the pure beam of awareness it has always been. Whereas before, its awareness was narrowed to focus only on the world of form, and seemed to be stationed there, now awareness can be experienced as the entire beam of light. And in that moment, the star would clearly be seen as just a form, a figure, a structured pattern, dependent on the light for its existence, and truly not separate from it. And the beam of light would be seen to be much more real, much more substantial, much more vibrant, and much more vast than anything in this created and temporary world of form.

An enlightened laser beam.

And this awakened beam of light might then look around to all the other forms created by the light. When it believed it was a star form it also believed the other shapes and figures it saw were what they appeared to be. Now it sees very clearly that the entire realm of patterns and forms it had taken as true reality is actually created by the light, and not fundamentally other than that light. It sees that its world of form is two dimensional and insubstantial of itself.

Because now it sees this whole new dimension of being. Like when you talked about seeing through the surface of the ocean into the depths.

Right. So, perhaps this self realized beam of light is filled with compassion for these other beams of light that experience themselves to be so much less than what they are. Because their attention is directed towards the realm of form, the realm of duality, they are completely unaware of pure light. So this newly awakened beam of light uses the form of its star to communicate with the others. It says, “Can’t you see? You aren’t really this form you think you are. You are a beam of pure light!” Most laugh at it. But some search for this supposed light, by focusing their attention even harder in the direction of other, the direction of form, for that is the only direction they know how to look. And they find no light.

Maybe there have even been religions developed in this world of laser forms, around the lives and words of those forms that have glimpsed this light in the past. These religions worship the light as something above and beyond and separate from the world of forms. Then these beings hear a star form saying, “I am not a star. I am the Light itself!” and “There is no one here but the Light!” What blasphemy! What delusion! What danger! It must be stopped! Before others become infected. Yet from the perspective of this newly awakened star form, it is only speaking the truth. Not with the slightest pride or arrogance or self delusion. But with complete humility. For to realize that the light is all is to fully let yourself see that the form is nothing. This form you have spent your life protecting and defending and living for and making plans for is completely empty and absent of value as itself.

Wait a second. You’re saying that we’re all completely worthless?

This world of forms is beautiful and precious. But since this is all we see, our entire spectrum of value, from that which we value most to that which we value least, is based only on this world of form. When children dress up in costumes and play pretend all afternoon, their dolls and their dinnerware have great value. It all really matters. But as soon as their mother or father walks in the door from a long trip, they instantly change their value spectrum. Suddenly those things that seemed so important are not. For now they are faced with that which really matters in the depths of their hearts. Before them is that for which they would gladly give up all of their dolls and silverware and costumes. For they realize that, in comparison, they would really be giving up nothing at all.

* * * * * *

So, if you have been identified with the form of a star created by a beam of light, once you see things clearly, it is this pure light that is of supreme value. This star becomes an empty shell. You no longer occupy it. You relax your awareness back into what it always has truly been. And then the “I” that you were is gone. It is dead. It is no longer here. All of the structures that were within that star may remain. But the identifying with the sum total of all of those patterns as “me” is finished. Your awareness is finally resting again in pure awareness. The “I” that you now experience yourself to be is Pure Light. Absolute Selflessness. Absolute Structurelessness. Free-flowing, Unhinderable Radiance. And you cannot help but exclaim, “The old me is dead! Now, I am one with the Light. I know it’s hard to believe, but this Light is real! Even more real than this world of form! Please, let me show you the way to our True Home.” Many in our world have been killed for simply speaking this truth. Including several of those I have been quoting. But in that death they lost nothing. They had already let go of all that could die within them, long before.

But there are some deluded people out there that really think they are the Light or God or God’s Chosen One or whatever, and you can tell they’re way off. And sometimes they have just enough of something inside them that people believe it and follow them and things usually get pretty ugly from there.

When you try to turn the small self into God, when you try to make the ego divine, that is blasphemy. That is having another treasure greater than God. That is being your own Beloved. Bowing down to yourself. But when you let all that you thought you were fall away, so that Pure Being can use the structures of your body and mind and personality as vehicles to be in this world, while the living center of consciousness that is all that survived the shedding of your false skins simply rests in the Heart of God, then to say, as did Yazid al-Bistami, “There is nothing under my robe but He.” is not blasphemy or distortion or arrogance but it is the simple Truth.

It just sounds like blasphemy and distortion and arrogance.

Yes, when it is a closed mind that hears and analyzes the words. But when we listen with the Innocent Heart, we can sense whether it feels like distortion or like Nectar, arising and spreading outward from a True Place. The twelfth century Indian poet and mystic, Mahadeviyakka, said “When the body becomes Your mirror, how can it serve? When the mind becomes Your mind, what is left to remember? Once my life is Your gesture, how can I pray? When all my awareness is Yours, what can there be to know? I became You, Lord, and then forgot You.” The mind might hear arrogance. But the Inner Heart hears utter and uncompromising humility. Such complete humility that there is nothing of the old remaining. And then Living Newness can continuously flow. Lalla said “The soul, like the moon, is new, and always new again. And I have seen the ocean continuously creating. Since I scoured my mind and my body, I too, Lalla am new, each moment new.” Ahh, such beauty!

But that’s just so far from anything most of us can relate to. It’s pretty damn hard to believe. And sometimes it’s hard to tell if someone is really really awake or really really screwed up.

Yes, it can be. And as you said, many have been hurt by following someone who turned out to have serious distortions.

So how do you know? I mean, some people have really “known” they found the real thing and turned out to be wrong, and I’m sure others have stumbled upon someone who was actually the real thing and they didn’t realize it.

This is getting ahead of ourselves a bit, but the beautiful thing about true surrender is that it is infallible. Even though you and a teacher are not.

Meaning?

True surrender is a falling inward towards Pure Being. An unconditional free fall. It isn’t grasping onto the form of a teacher or to the form of their teachings. It is complete Graspinglessness. A true teacher is one that lives that Graspinglessness. One that is always in a continuous free fall. This does not mean their mental structures are necessarily completely free of distortion. The body is imperfect, the mind is imperfect, all form is imperfect. In a very beautiful, perfect way. The imperfections of form help us remember not to confuse the shadows we can touch with the Pure Sun we cannot.

So, when you encounter someone who emanates a flow of Surrenderingness that helps that same way of being begin to arise within yourself, it may feel true to spend time with them, to open your heart to them, to love their True Nature, and to surrender to the Pure Being that flows from the Center of their being. But this does not mean you are surrendering to their personality or their mind, their words or their actions. You are not surrendering to any structures, but to Structurelessness itself. There is no requirement that form be a certain way for that to happen within you. The teacher’s psychological structures do not have to become completely distortion free in order for you to recognize and resonate with the flow of Surrenderingness you sense in their presence.

I guess that makes sense. 

So, the only way the distortions of a teacher can interfere with your own surrendering is if instead of truly letting go of everything, you are just subtly redirecting your graspingness to the teacher, holding on to their words and teachings and personality as much as you had been holding onto everything else.

So basically, you’re saying the only way a teacher can drag you through the mud is if you’re holding on to their legs.

Well put. You hold on for dear life and then you become indignant and outraged at what they have dragged you through. So in spite of a teacher’s distortions, they may still be a wonderful, invaluable guide in showing you how to completely rest in what is. It is their way of being that is worth following. Not their way of doing or thinking or living. All of that has to do with how their particular form manifests in this world. It isn’t worth surrendering to or following or emulating or revering. And it isn’t worth fighting or pushing away or defending against. It’s all structure. But their way of resting in what is, surrendering to this moment without the slightest resistance– if you feel that kind of continuous, unconditional letting go within them, and feel stirrings of it within yourself in their presence, then that is really worth falling into. Without grasping onto anything, not even them, as you free fall into the way of Pure Living Softness.

Did you ever follow a teacher? Or maybe I should ask, did you ever follow the way of being you sensed in a teacher?

Yes. There have been those whose surrender was so much deeper than mine that to be in their presence was a profound catalyst. They effortlessly saw me and all the world with the gaze of the Heart, and reminded me what was most Real within. And like many others, at first I grasped on to their forms, and even got dragged through the mud a few times. But gradually I realized that as long as my own willingness to surrender to the Infinite Heart of the Divine was dependent on the words and actions of others fitting in with my own expectations, it wasn’t real, unconditional surrender. I had been focusing on judging other people’s degree of surrender as a way to avoid my own.

Sounds like it worked for a while too. I’ll keep it in mind as a back up plan. 

I have yet to meet a mind that left me convinced it was completely free of distortion. But I have met such beautiful, tender, overflowing hearts, that have let themselves be completely shattered open until not even the slightest separation between their heart and the One Heart remained. To be in the presence of such a heart is to stumble upon an oasis after a long desert journey. An oasis that may seem small and inconsequential at first. Easy to overlook. Easy to mistake for a mirage. Perhaps not even worth the trouble of stopping. But once you let yourself rest in its rejuvenating shade and drink from its vibrant spring, you may discover hidden within it a great river, that can effortlessly return you to the Endless Sea, if you will only let yourself be carried by its flow.

* * * * * *

All right. Let’s get back to our laser analogy. The star was trying to show all the other laser forms the truth about what they really were. Some of these laser-created forms felt the truth of what this star was saying, but they couldn’t find this light no matter where they looked. If only they would have stopped all their searching, and just allowed their awareness to fall back into itself, then they would’ve directly perceived that their true nature is that pure beam of awareness, and not the form it was identified with.

But those forms are actually created by the light itself. They are part of it.

Right. In the realm of form the experience of duality is very, very real. But from the perspective of the Light, form has no separate substance. Form is not other than Light itself. Remember Emerson: “From within or from behind a light shines through us upon things and makes us aware that we are nothing, but the light is all.”

I just hope the bulb never burns out.

This Eternal Light of Awareness is our True Nature. We are Pure Awareness itself. Padma-Shambhava wrote “The self originated clear light is eternal and unborn… Although the clear light of reality shines inside their own mind, most people look for it outside.” And Huang Po: “The pure mind, which is the source of all things, shines forever with the radiance of its own perfection. But most people are not aware of it… Blinded by their own sight, hearing, feeling, and knowing, they don’t perceive the radiance of the source… Above, below, and around you, all things spontaneously exist, because there is nowhere outside the Buddha mind.”

And the pure mind or Buddha mind is like the same thing as Pure Awareness?

Right.

Why do they call it “mind”?

The Chinese character for “mind” also means “spirit” or “soul”. It’s usually translated into English as “mind”, but this doesn’t really convey the depth of what is usually being expressed. The word “soul” is much closer. Maybe the closest translation, although it’s a little awkward, would be “pure soul consciousness”. That living, eternal awareness within ourselves is already one with Pure Awareness. Hui Hai wrote “Don’t search for the truth within your intellect. Don’t search at all. The nature of the mind is intrinsically pure.”

So, our True Nature is Pure Awareness, Awareness without an object. But we usually only experience our awareness in relation to some other. It is usually limited to being aware of thoughts, feelings and perceptions within the realm of form. So we don’t realize what we are. And we spend years searching for Essence. We’re told to look within ourselves, so we look and we look. But as long as our awareness is searching for something, it is searching for some other, limiting it to the realm of duality, where Pure Essence cannot be found. If Essence cannot be found in any object, in any other that our awareness can focus on, even if that other is somewhere deep within ourselves, then Essence must not be other than our awareness itself. Do you follow?

Not even slightly.

If Essence can never be experienced in duality, it cannot be experienced as other. So the only way we could possibly experience it is if it’s true that it’s not separate from that which experiences it. If it were separate, we would never be able to experience it, for it would be something other. And Essence is never other. So our awareness cannot be separate from Essence. The awareness that is searching for Essence is Pure Awareness itself! Or, as the thirteenth century monk, Saint Francis of Assisi put it, “What you are looking for is what is looking.”

Wow. I either just had a brief flash of profound understanding or a mild stroke. I’ll let you know how the MRI turns out. So go ahead.

In the Bhagavad Gita, the deity Krishna, one facet of the infinite diamond of Pure Being, tells the warrior Arjuna, “Creatures rise, creatures vanish; I alone am real, Arjuna, looking out, amused, from deep within the eyes of every creature… I am the Self, Arjuna, seated in the heart of every creature. I am the origin, the middle, and the end that all must come to… I am always with all beings; I abandon no one. And however great your inner darkness, you are never separate from me. Let your thoughts flow past you, calmly, keep me near at every moment; trust me with your life, because I am you, more than you yourself are.”

It’s us even more than we are! It is the very Center of the soul! Yet we search and search and search for it! Thomas Aquinas wrote “Great is the blindness and exceeding the folly of many souls that are ever seeking God, continually sighing after God, and frequently desiring God; whilst all the time, they are themselves the tabernacles of the living God since their soul is the seat of God in which he continually reposes.” And the eighteenth century Japanese Zen master, Hakuin, wrote “Not knowing how near the Truth is, people seek It far away,– what a pity! They are like one who, in the midst of water, cries imploringly for a drink of water.” And very similarly, Ramana said “When you pray for God’s grace, you are like someone standing neck-deep in water and yet crying for water. It is like saying that someone neck-deep in water feels thirsty, or that a fish in water feels thirsty, or that water feels thirsty.”

Maybe sometimes salt water feels thirsty. Or not.

We’re told it’s right here, so we immediately start looking for it. “They say it’s right here. Where could it be?” It is closer than here. It is before looking. Listen to Ramana again: “There is no greater mystery than this, that we keep seeking reality though in fact we are reality. We think that there is something hiding reality and that this must be destroyed before reality is gained. How ridiculous! A day will dawn when you will laugh at all your past efforts. That which will be on that day you laugh is also here and now.”

And just where is it again?

Pure Awareness is closer than our thoughts, closer than our hearts, closer than our breath. Rumi said “When you seek Him, look for Him in your looking. Closer to you than yourself to yourself.” And Saint Augustine agreed: “It is closer to us than our most inward part.” Hugh of Saint Victor wrote “…In spiritual matters, when something is called ‘the highest’, this doesn’t mean that it is located above the top of the heavens, but rather that it is the inmost or most intimate of all.”

It’s so intimate that it’s closer to us than we are! It’s much too close to be found by searching. The moment you start looking for it, you’ve already missed it! It’s like using your flashlight to look around in the dark for your flashlight. Or like driving around in your car, looking all over town for your car. You won’t see it out your window, no matter where you drive.

I remember once I looked all over my house for my glasses, and then suddenly I realized– I don’t wear glasses. And I don’t have a house. I used to, until Pyro-kitty burned it down Friday. My new fire extinguisher was in that garage! Its warranty is probably void too, since I didn’t keep it away from high temperatures. Sorry. I was just distracting my conscious mind for a minute so that what you said could really sink in unconsciously. Go ahead.

Pure Awareness is closer than close. Even closer than looking for your glasses when you are already wearing them. Even closer than looking for your contacts when you’re wearing them. It’s like using your eyes to try to find your eyes. But so much closer than that. It is your Ray of Pure Awareness looking for Pure Awareness. It doesn’t realize it already is what it is looking for. And the moment it starts looking, it has already gone too far. That we can never find it by searching is actually very good news.

You lost me.

Any direction we look is the wrong direction. We have been putting incredible effort into approaches that cannot give us what we want. When this is deeply realized, it’s a wonderful relief! It frees us from a great burden. We feel freer and lighter. We can stop being the wind trying to find the eye. We can stop feeling that if only we would search hard enough, or long enough, or in the right place or for the right thing, we would find it. We can never find it by searching. And so, we can finally stop the search!

But we have to do something. What can we do?

Nothing at all.

Then we’re right back where we started! There has to be something we can do!

Pure Awareness doesn’t try to do. It simply is. It is Beingness itself. Effortless Flowingness. Any effortful doing is done by the ego, the small self, the personality, the mind. And there is nothing it can do to finally unveil what you really are. Any doing adds another layer to the veil, another distraction, something else for awareness to focus on. The circling wind can do nothing to expose the eye. All the wind can do is blow. And the eye doesn’t try to do anything. It can only be. It is Stillness itself. So nothing can be done. There is nothing, nothing you can do to become Self realized. There is, however, much you can stop doing.

Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. As long as there’s some way to make it happen.

You can’t make it happen.

I mean as long as you can get there.

But you can’t get there.

You know what I mean! As long as there’s something you can do!

I’ll say it again. There’s nothing you can do. Any doing is done by the mind, by your identity, by what you believe you are. Form cannot know the Formless. So no doing by form can result in the effortless, permanent, intimate knowing of the Formless.

Structure can never touch Pure Structurelessness. Your mind can do anything and everything and it won’t cause awareness to re-member itself. No matter which square the board game piece gets to, it doesn’t make the person playing the game remember who they are. There is nothing our mind, our small self can do. And our True Nature doesn’t do, it IS. Pure Essence is Pure Nondoingness. The Silent Center. The Still Point of Existence. So nothing can be done. Nothing at all. But you can take your hands off of all the patterns happening in this moment. Fully letting them be, while you simply let go of your grip and rest in Letting-go-ness. It’s just an inner stopping. A resting. An inner stillness. “Be still, and know that I am God.”

“Stop, in the name of love.” Okay, so what all do we have to stop doing? I hope we don’t have to make a lot of sacrifices. I gave up sacrifice for Lent.

Becoming aware of Pure Awareness has nothing to do with what the body is doing, although it can be much easier at first if the body is still and quiet. It has nothing to do with what thoughts the mind is pumping out, although it can be much easier at first if the mind is still and quiet. Our surface patterns and issues and defenses can be as strong as ever, and it doesn’t matter. They don’t have to change first. They are all structures. They are completely free to be as they are.

Then what do you stop?

Our awareness constantly, habitually and effortfully grasps onto and identifies with other. With the world of form. It becomes so entangled with our minds and bodies, our thoughts and feelings, that it comes to believe they are the sum total of what it is. We usually attach our awareness to our thoughts so strongly that we aren’t even aware of consciousness as a Living Flow that is separate from thought.

“I think therefore I am.”

Exactly. One of the main reasons the mind incessantly generates thoughts is because we so strongly equate thinking with the survival of our awareness, and we equate the silent spaciousness that arises when our mind is quiet with annihilation. For the mind, “I think so that I am.” But Pure Awareness is simply “I am that I am.” Isness without other. Without conditions or requirements. Eckhart said “As long as I am this or that, or have this or that, I am not all things and I have not all things.”

Which I guess means as long as we’re grabbing onto something, anything, it keeps us from kind of relaxing and expanding into Pure Awareness, where somehow we’re one with everything.

Exactly. And it’s not the objects of our awareness that are the problem. Not even our thoughts are the problem. Krishna told Arjuna to “Let your thoughts flow past you.” They don’t have to be stopped.

We just have to stop grabbing them and identifying with them.

Right.

So how do we do that?

* * * * * *

We’ve spent our entire lives attaching our awareness to thoughts and feelings and sensations and objects. Doing this takes constant effort. But since it’s so automatic and ingrained, we’re unaware of it. So to stop grasping onto the world of form takes no effort at all. It is simply stopping the effort that we have constantly been making. There is nothing we can do to stop. We can only cease. We can only discontinue the efforting. We can stop pushing away the ever-present inner-knowing that all our grasping is a lie, and then simply let it all go.

But that’s still a kind of doing.

It is the exact opposite of doing. There are two ways of stopping something. Active and passive. Through additional effort, and through ceasing all effort. When you approach a red light, you stop actively, by stepping on the brake.

You’re supposed to step on the brake? That explains a lot.

Most stopping in our lives is active, and that is the easiest for the mind to comprehend. It still gets to do something to stop. But with passive stopping, nothing can be done. Not the slightest effort can be made. So the mind cannot do it. There is only a passive, effortless allowing of effort to cease. A surrendering. A releasing. A deep resting within in which the heart stops putting effort into trying to control all the patterns of our mind.

What do you mean?

Our heart is like a shepherd that has spent years trying to control the movement of every last sheep. And then we finally take a deep breath of cool evening air, lie down on the grass, and let the sheep do as they will. At first, they may be filled with excitement that they are free. They may run around, seeing how far they can go. But sooner or later, they grow tired and find they prefer to just follow the example of their shepherd. They come back to where you are resting, and lay down around you.

You know, the other day I saw this guy trying to walk five or six dogs at once. He had leashes on all of them, and they were pulling him all over the place.

A perfect analogy. Letting ourselves stop inside is like letting go of the thousands of leashes we hold. We don’t have to let go of them one at a time, working with and understanding each one. We just gently say “Enough”, and let go of our grasp. Then they all fall free effortlessly on their own. And for a time, all our patterns may run around with the new energy of freedom. And we may be tempted to grab the leashes again, to stay in control of the situation. But when we let ourselves just rest in that letting go, even when our patterns seem to be going crazy, sooner or later they all come back and lie down at our feet.

This letting go isn’t something we can do. Wanting it to happen and trying to make it happen are just more patterns trying to do stopping. But we can just gently and effortlessly let it happen within. We can stop our continuous resisting of it.

You know, that sounds a lot like biofeedback. When I was in college, we studied it in one of my psychology classes. We experimented with a finger temperature monitor and with an EMG monitor that gauged muscle tension. The idea with the temperature monitor was to try to make your hands get warmer, which means your blood vessels have to dilate, and that happens more when you’re relaxed. So the first few tries we were all watching the monitors, trying to make our temperature go up, and it always ended up going down. The harder we tried to make it happen, the more tense we got. We couldn’t figure out how to do it. We tried everything. But finally you start to relax into it, kind of like seeing those Magic Eye 3D posters.

3D posters?

You haven’t seen those? They’re really cool. They look like they’re just random designs, but if you look at them long enough, a 3D image shows up. When they first came out, I would stare at them forever but I could never see the damn image. I even wondered if it was all a big hoax. Maybe the joke was that there wasn’t an image, and once you figured out what a fool you were for staring at it so long, you just played along so you could laugh at all the others standing there. But finally one time when I was staring at one, I just relaxed into it and I finally saw it. It just happened. And then the next time it still took a while but it was easier than the first time. Now when I look at one I can usually see the image pretty quickly. It takes a whole different way of perceiving. And you aren’t even sure what you’re doing differently. You aren’t really doing anything. You’re just relaxing and it happens by itself.

Yes, it is something like that. I’d like to see one of these 3D posters sometime.

You should. You can find them online, and also at some poster shops. Anyway, back to the biofeedback, after you’ve been at it for a while, you aren’t really sure how or why, but you start to notice the temperature is going up. Then you get excited and say “I’m doing it!”, and it nose dives. But you stay with it, and after some practice you can just sort of allow your hands to get warm anytime you want, and you feel yourself getting more relaxed. You never have a clue how it happens, but you still learn– Well, I was going to say you still learn to do it, but the truth is you don’t do anything. You just sort of let it happen. Somehow you affect your blood vessels in a way that lets them dilate, but you can’t do it by effort. The only way they react to any effort is to get more constricted.

Yes, exactly. Another excellent metaphor.

And the EMG is the same way. It measures muscle tension, and you hook it up to your forehead or jaw or wherever, and try to make your muscles relax. But you can’t use effort to relax muscles. The only way the muscle can react to effort is by increasing tension, increasing the energy there waiting to be used. So after a lot of frustration you finally learn to stop trying. To just sort of, I don’t know, just allow. And then it happens by itself. There’s nothing you can do to make it happen. But eventually you just let go of all the effort, even effort you didn’t know was there that was making the muscles chronically tense, and it happens on its own. You really can’t do anything to make it happen. But you can learn to allow yourself to stop doing whatever you were doing that kept it from happening. Then it happens by itself. It just flows.

Wonderful. Yes, it’s exactly like that.  You try and try to make your awareness let go of all those things it is grabbing on to, most of which you aren’t even conscious of.  And you never make progress. Trying to force yourself to change so that you can be the way you are attached to being actually keeps you limited to the exact way of being you are trying to get rid of.

 Say that again?

Trying to let go of our attachments in order to make ourselves become what we are attached to becoming-  that actually ensures that we remain limited to the way of being we are trying to get rid of.

 The fourteenth century Indian Swami, Vidyaranya, wrote “How shall I grasp it? Do not grasp it. That which remains when there is no more grasping is the Self.” That says it about as simply and accurately as it can be said. For awareness to be still, it is not required that all mental and physical objects that attract awareness be still. But all following, all grasping, all holding, all identifying, all entanglement by awareness must stop. Not by doing. Not by taking action. Not stopping as a verb. This stopping is the stopping of all action, of all verbs, of all effort. It is inner actionlessness. Verblessness. Effortlessness. Seng-t’san wrote “Be serene in the oneness of things and dualism vanishes of itself. When you strive to gain quiescence by stopping motion, the quiescence so gained is ever in motion. So long as you tarry in such dualism, How can you realize oneness?”

So, no tarrying. Helpful enlightenment tip. You know, this may not make any sense, but I’m getting this image of a spaceship with thrusters all around it. And different ones are going off sporadically all the time, so that the spaceship is kind of just hurling through space. It’s like that’s our mind and the thrusters are all the bursts of effort of various kinds that are constantly going on in it. And when we hear people say, “Just stop and be still”, then what we try to do is stop the spaceship, to make it be completely still, by countering all the thrusters that are going off with thrusters on the opposite sides. It’s like we go, “uh oh, I’m thinking about this, I better stop.” And then we make an equal and opposite effort to try to stop. So what we end up with is even more thrusters going off than before, all around the ship. Maybe we’re able to make our spaceship seem more or less stabilized for a while, but the thrusters are going crazy.

Yes, exactly.

And it sounds like what you’re talking about is just turning off the thrusters. Just allowing them all to stop. Not trying to control the position of the spaceship, like trying to stop all our thoughts or make our body perfectly still or whatever. Forgetting about all that, and just stopping the thrusters. To just be still. Silent. Maybe the spaceship is hurling. Fine. Maybe thoughts are coming. Fine. But just stopping all the thrusters. And they can’t be stopped by doing anything. Maybe it’s like we just kind of let go of all the effort we were putting into opening their throttle. It’s like we have to hold their throttles open for them to fire, so to stop we just stop holding them open. We just relax all that effort. Just rest the doing. And then the thrusters stop and there’s just stillness, even if the spaceship is still hurling.

Perfect. Thrusterlessness. Wonderful. Your metaphors are much better than mine. Since you seem to have such a good grasp of Graspinglessness, how about if we switch gears and see if we can give you a little taste?

Well, I guess I could give thrusterlessness a try. But the truth is, I think I’m more comfortable talking about it than trying to experience it.

Yes, of course. The ego is quite reluctant to volunteer for euthanasia.

Why do they need volunteers? They’re just like kids everywhere else.

So let’s give it a try.

* * * * * *

So, right now, in this moment, whatever you are experiencing is fine. Nothing needs to be pushed away, no thoughts need to be suppressed, no feelings need be locked up or expressed. The endless sky of Awareness has room for everything. No need to try to become physically relaxed, no need to be mentally calm. They certainly have their place, but they are not requirements. No matter what state or condition our mental and physical structures are in, Structurelessness remains untouched. No matter what thoughts and feelings and sensations arise, our awareness can release all entanglement with structure, all grasping of form, and fall back into Pure Simple Awareness. It can happen right now! This instant! It’s not required that you put in a certain number of years of meditation first, that you read the right books first, that you find the perfect teacher first. It is your birthright. It is your True Nature. It is the Face you wore before the birth of your soul. Nothing is required of any structure for Awareness to be itself!

In every moment is a Living Doorway, softly whispering you Home. This Doorway is never the slightest step away. It is always exactly beneath you, quietly inviting you to relax the grasping that limits you to the surface of Life… Even if you can’t find that Living Doorway, say yes to it. Not with your mind, but with your inner heart. Just let go. Release everything you have been holding. And then you will see that what is Most Real, that which you have most deeply longed for, has always been gently holding you.

Lost in your thoughts? Grasping to understand? Simply let go. Those clouds cannot hold on to you. They can only try to seduce you into grasping onto them. Such effort it takes, to grasp something so ethereal. Such work, to dutifully follow the clouds wherever they choose to take you, doing what they say, being their servant. Have they truly earned the right to be your master? Just gently stop grasping and serving your thoughts. The True Master is so much quieter and gentler and softer than they are. Let them be, just as they are. And sink beneath them.

Frustrated? Plenty of room for frustration. Let it be. One more little thunder cloud in the infinite sky. Confused? Plenty of room for confusion. The clouds bump into each other, unsure which way to float. But a little storm cannot effect the Living Spaciousness in which it arises. Bored? Wrestles? Hopeless? They’re all very welcome to be here. If your mind wants to stop working so hard and rest for a time, let it. Your inner heart can listen, while your mind is lost in the clouds. Pure Awareness is far too simple to be held by the heavy mind. The Silent Center is far too still for wind to enter.

Not sure what to do? Wonderful! What an opportunity! What a precious, Grace-filled moment! Let yourself cease all doing. Stop all trying. You are Effortlessness itself! You cannot be grasped, you cannot be found, you cannot be learned, you cannot be unlocked. You can only BE! You are Pure Being!… Pure Awareness is so, so simple, any looking is over looking. The slightest step is a step away. Any grasping is trying to catch air with your fist. Trying to capture the sunlight. Only the open hand can know the sun. Close it, and it can only know darkness. No matter how bright the sun. No matter how hard you squeeze. Why not let your grip fall away?

Tired of the struggle? What a blessing! Let it go. Be done with struggle. Just stop. Fall into the endless surrender. The endless bow. Sink into the Infinite Sea of Living Nectar. Feel like giving up? What a gift! Give up! Let go of the rope! It is a serpent in disguise, leading you farther into forgetting. Let it go! Release all trying, all hiding, all searching, all working, all grasping, all pushing. Give it all up! In this moment. And this one. And this one. In this heartbeat. And this one. And this one. Every breath is a birth and a death. Release and release and release until there is only Releasingness itself! Why resist the gravity of Pure Awareness? Give in to it. Free fall into the Center of the Soul, the Eye of Existence, where the Real Self has always been. You are the Freedom that remains when all grasping is forever finished!

Enough talking. Enough thinking. Enough trying to understand. Now is the time to rest in Living Peace. The Peace that passes all understanding. Most people actually believe they must wait until the body dies to rest in Peace! How tragic! It is here right now! But where are we? The Sun always shines! The moon is always whole! The stars are always sending us their light! But where are we? We can choose to rest in Peace right now. In this moment. The only moment it can ever be found.

The search is over! No more excuses for trying to find it. All that is finished! It is closer than searching! It is before looking! Essence is our Self even more than we are! It is only found in the still and silent center of this moment. In the Pure Present. Where there is only Pure Awareness, without other, endlessly shining into itself. That Light blinds the mind. It burns away all shadows. Until it alone remains. The Light that we have always truly been. The Center of my soul and the Center of yours are the very same. Oh, my friend, the Light of Essence is burning through my shell! It gazes into your endless eyes, and sees only itself! Namaste, my dear friend! Namaste.

Pretty intense. You were saying it was okay to be confused and lost and to just let go of trying to understand or get anything, and I just kind of– well I was going to say kind of zoned out, but maybe it was more like I zoned in. I mean, I felt really here, really peaceful and settled. I didn’t have a clue what was going on, but I knew it was good. And it felt like my mind was kind of slowing down, struggling to function. And part of me was saying, it doesn’t need to function right now, just let go, and part of me was scared and trying to make it work better. Like we talked about– I think so that I am. And there were a few times in there when I just really felt myself let go. I stopped trying to do anything– trying to get my mind back to normal, trying to figure out what was happening, trying to have an experience, all that. It was like I was resting in a place so much bigger than my thoughts, it didn’t matter so much that they were slowing down. I felt really peaceful and good and relaxed and alive. I actually felt some joy.

You were resting in Peace. Wonderful.

Yeah, I guess I was. But it started to fade afterwards, and soon all that was left was an after feeling of being relaxed and content. I tried to get it back but I just couldn’t.

Yes, when we experience the simplicity of vibrant Beingness, we naturally don’t want it to leave. It’s not just that it feels good and peaceful and wonderful to us. It’s also that it feels deeply, deeply true. We know, absolutely know, that we are tasting what is most real and true and valuable. And when it leaves our awareness, the emptiness is inescapable, and the longing grows. At first, this longing is for ourselves to experience Essence again. We can’t help but think in terms of how it can give us what we want. How it can quench our need for love or peace or safety or joy or wholeness. How it can help to make our life the way we want our life to be. This is natural in the early stages. We want to own God, to have God, and to use God for our own benefit.

Like our own personal magic genie. What’s the problem?

Eckhart said “Some people want to see God with their eyes as they see a cow, and love him as they love their cow– for the milk and cheese and profit it brings them… They do not rightly love God when they love Him for their own advantage.” And the eighth century Sufi, Rabi’a Adawiyya, said “God, if I worship Thee in fear of hell, burn me in hell. And if I worship Thee in hope of Paradise, exclude me from Paradise; but if I worship Thee for Thine own sake, withhold not Thine everlasting Beauty.”

When we bow to God only for God’s sake alone, for the sake of what we know to be the truest way to be in this world, this is a true bow. And then we become humble and empty enough for God to enter. Mechtild of Magdeburg wrote “In pride, alas, I can easily lose you, but in the depths of pure humility, O Lord, I cannot fall away from you. For the deeper I fall, the sweeter you taste.” And Angelus Silesius wrote “God whose love and joy are present everywhere, can’t come to visit you unless you aren’t there.” When we fully offer ourselves to God, in an unconditional, absolute bow, then we finally begin to understand directly what Rabi’a meant when she said “I have ceased to exist and have passed out of self. I am one with Him and entirely His.”

I just can’t imagine being willing to give up my life like that. To totally just hand it over. That just doesn’t even appeal to me. This is my life. For centuries people’s lives have been taken from them. People have been turned into slaves or near slaves, forced into working for someone else who had more money and power and control and greed. I mean, I know my rights. The right to pursue happiness. The right to freedom. The right to an attorney. The right to remain silent. I never really cared for that one in particular. But basically, the right to live my life as I damn well please.

Of course it’s wrong to control another’s life. To enslave them. Pure Isness, your True Nature, your True Self, would never force anything. Never take anything. When we really get a taste of that way of being, when we directly experience it, there is a deep, unshakable knowing of the rightness of it. And when we compare that with how we have been living our lives, we cannot help but value the truth of Pure Being more than our own patterns and plans and beliefs and agendas that have guided the ways we have lived in the world. We come to a place in which we know of nothing that would be more true or more right or more real than to completely surrender our life to the Flow of Pure Being.

Unfortunately, I happen to be allergic to surrendering. For years I tried to figure out why, but I finally gave up. Then I broke out in hives.

All of us feel allergic to surrendering at first. When we first meet our Beloved, we have little interest in such sacrifice. We focus on how good it feels to be in that Presence, on how much it gives us. And we become thirsty for more. Even if we hear things like we must give our life to our Beloved, or we must die to be born again as a servant of the Divine, or we must let go of all our will, all our agendas, all our trying to make our life the way we want it to be so that Pure Being can fully live through us, we still can’t help but hear all that in terms of what we think it will get us. And so we play along. We think, consciously or unconsciously, “Once I really have Essence flowing through me, then I’ll really get to have everything I want. My life will be easier and I won’t have to feel pain or fear anymore. Everyone will see how spiritual I am, and everyone will love me, and I’ll have more power and more success and all my problems will be solved.” It’s still all about us. This is the ego’s natural response.

So, the first several times we meet our Beloved, we are quite smitten and infatuated. It isn’t that we truly know our Beloved yet, it’s that we know the way we feel in that Presence. And that’s what we become infatuated with. Isn’t it always that way at first? But how many of us would truly give up our entire lives for the object of an infatuation? Without hesitation, without reserve, without turning back? With no hope of ever getting anything, anything in return for ourselves?

I guess none of us.

But over time, as our relationship with our Beloved grows, the infatuation turns into a deeper and deeper love. It evolves from brief, blissful flames of passionate intimacy into a more even, more mature, deeper, truer love. Like an old, soft fire that has left nothing unpurified. And eventually, our love is such that it is natural and true to simply completely give over our life to our Beloved, so that it might have a place to be in this world. And at that point, as John Tauler said, “What we should then experience none can utter; but it would be something far better than when we were burning with the first flame of love, and had great emotion, but less true submission.”

So it’s like at first there’s huge flames but no base of coals, and then eventually there may not be as big a flame, but the coals are hot and glowing and even and deep. You know, that reminds me of a Mad magazine cartoon I saw when I was a kid. It was a drawing of two flowers representing youth and old age. The young one was this huge, robust flower with this tiny little root. It might have looked strong, but a little gust of wind and it would be history. And the old one was this tiny little flower that didn’t have as much flashiness or vigor, but it had huge, long, deep roots branching out. Not so fancy on the outside, but really deep and solid within.

And no wind could ever tear it away. Such a flower is so embedded in the solid ground, it doesn’t even have to use effort to hold on. It knows no storm can touch its depths, and so it is always at peace. Always resting. Always completely at Home. Regardless of whether it is beneath the healing sun or the darkest clouds.

So, at first, we are unwilling to truly give over to Essence the space we are living in. And Pure Being is so tender, so patient, so giving, so accepting of even those who deny it a place to be in this world, it would never enter into any space uninvited. It would never force its way into any space that is already occupied. Already reserved. It would never force anything. And so it patiently waits in the depths of our heart until it receives a true invitation, offering it a place to fully be in this world, without conditions. Without restrictions. Without us keeping any part of our life off limits. It tenderly waits for us to say, with complete honesty of heart:

“I’ve tried long enough to be the master of this life. But finally I know, deeply know, that this throne was never meant for me. And so I crawl down off of it, and invite You, beg You, to take Your rightful seat. And this mind and this body and this heart and this soul will serve Your gentle, selfless will as fully as they are able, as long as they are able. You are my true Beloved. I give You my life. Not to get something in return. Not with the hope of any reward. But because in the deepest place I know, that is what is most True and Real and Good. And I must honor that, no matter the cost. And so, with no conditions, with no expectations, and with no interest in ever receiving anything back for myself, I finally give all that I am fully, completely and endlessly to You. Oh Beloved, I am Yours.”

I’m so afraid to melt back into Your Sea

I’m so afraid there will be nothing left of me

But if that’s what it takes to let Your Pure Love flow

Take everything, if I won’t let it go

For years I’ve tried to make some kind of deal

To have Your Peace and keep my will

But until it’s gone there’s not room for You to stay

Take everything, take everything away

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do

I don’t know how to give this life to You

So I give up, and leave it in Your hands

Where it always should’ve been

Take everything, till there’s nothing left to hold

Take everything, till there’s nothing left that’s old

Take everything It was never mine

Take everything, now and for all time

Take everything, everything, now and for all time

* * * * *

You know, there’s a part of me that really resonates with that and longs for that kind of passion and purpose and commitment and willingness to give up my life for something so beautiful. But most of me is, honestly, just not there yet. And maybe not so eager to get there. I just can’t get excited about melting back into the ocean. I mean, I’m a terrible swimmer. I keep picturing the wicked witch in “The Wizard of Oz.” She melted away into nothing, just like that, just from a little water. If only Toto had known, he could’ve done the job a lot sooner. He really aimed to please. You know, I have a friend who gave his life to God. Now he’s suing to get it back. Anyway, like I said, I’m too young to melt.

Imagine standing in front of a burning house, and knowing that trapped inside is your nice new television. Would you run in and save it?

My house is burning down again? I just got it rebuilt! It was Pyro-kitty again, wasn’t it?

Would you try to save your TV?

Of course not. Well, depending on what was on that night. If it was reruns, almost definitely not.

And if instead of a television, there were a precious child crying for help?

Did you say precious or precocious? As long as I’m on this honesty kick, I guess you never know for sure unless you’re in the situation. But I really believe I would run in there and do all I could to save it. I don’t think I would hesitate for an instant.

Even though you might lose your life.

Yeah. The child has more value. Trying to save its life is worth risking losing my own.

How do you know the child is of more value?

Well, it’s not like I weigh things out and think about it and go over a check list. It’s like, somewhere in your heart, you just know that a little child is more precious than you are.

And what if you somehow knew in advance this was going to happen, and that in fact you would save the child but in the process. Would you still do it?

I really think I would. It’s probably harder when you have time to think it over and get cold feet. Of course, the fire would remedy that situation. Yeah, I really believe I would. But damn it, that kid better grow up to become President or something.

So you would give up your own life so that a precious being of great value could live on this Earth.

Yeah.

As long as Essence is just something that gives you what you want, something that comforts you and makes you feel good and helps take your pain away and perhaps even entertains you, you will value it right up until you have to choose between which of you gets to live in this life. Then you are quite willing to just let the house burn.

You don’t have to worry about such a choice for now. You are at the beginning of your courtship. A few subtle sensations in your body, a few glimpses of peace and joy. A few fleeting moments of remembering something you had long forgotten. An old, vague longing just starting to awaken. You are just beginning to experience a hint of the preciousness of Pure Being. As you continue to realize its unequaled value, one day you will find yourself staring at a burning house. With the most precious, gentle, loving, innocent child inside, calmly asking if you might be willing to come let it live in the world in your place.

I know this sounds selfish, but then what happens to me? Do I just become a zombie or something? Completely absent and mindless and out to lunch? Not that anyone would notice the change. But still, I’m too young to fry. I mean, I burn really easily.

We’ll talk more about this in the coming days. One of the ways we get tricky is to say, “I’ll give up my life unconditionally, as long as…” When the choice is made to absolutely and completely surrender the throne of your life to Pure Being, there are no conditions to your surrender at all. There is not the requirement that you still get to be here. That you get anything out of it at all. And yet, as it turns out, you begin to experience life more vibrantly, more effortlessly and more openly than ever before.

Well, like I said, I’m just not anywhere near being ready to surrender my life like that, and the truth is I don’t think I want to be. I’m the only me I’ve got.

Yes, of course these words are threatening to the personality. They are speaking of the end of the ego’s rule. Of surrendering the throne. And you have not yet deeply experienced these words as true. Why would you just blindly accept them when the only life you have known is at stake?

Temporary insanity. Only reason.

So there is no reason to expect you would have any other view at this point. And you don’t need one. For now, your only concern is courting your Beloved. Getting to know Her. And the more time you spend with Her, the more deeply in love you will fall. And the more honest you will be. And the harder it will be for you to betray Her.

This “Beloved” is starting to sound a lot like a black widow. Seducing me to come closer so it can suck the blood out of me. Gee, thanks, but um, I gave at the office.

But the mother spider of Truth would never hurt you. She only comes to cut you free of the web you have spun and become entangled in. There will only be pain to the extent that you have come to view these tangled webs as part of yourself.

Unless she accidentally cuts my jugular by mistake. I mean, what if something startles her while she’s doing her thing? Like what if she sees her reflection in a mirror and it turns out she has arachniphobia? It could happen. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard a spider shriek, but let me tell you, well, I haven’t either but it probably isn’t pleasant. You know, once when I was a kid I dreamed I was trapped in a spider web. It turned out my brother had been busy wrapping dental floss around my bed all night. As I recall, the next night he dreamed he was rolling around in a whole lot of toothpaste. And the night after that we both dreamed we got grounded for a week. Who really knows what dreams like that symbolize? But as traumatic as that incident was, I still faithfully floss, whether I feel like it or not, every single morning that I have a dentist appointment. But I digress.

Frequently. So, we tend to try to use Essence for ourselves. You know, so many people spend their lives trying to get Love, trying to have God, trying to attain Truth, trying to grasp Pure Flow, when they are not willing to give themselves to it. It’s like asking Pure Being to come live in your basement so that it’s always nearby when you need it. So that it’s there for you to use under your terms. But no matter how well you have mastered a spiritual technique that lets you have experiences of Essence, no matter how many patterns you have dissolved away, no matter how often or strongly you feel peace or bliss or love, you will never fully rest in the unshakable truth of Pure Being until you are absolutely willing to let it have you. And that will only happen when you are willing to be heart-breakingly honest about its value compared to the value of this compilation of patterns and structures you call yourself.

Well, as eager as I am to give up my life, how am I supposed to fall in love with it if it keeps leaving so fast? I mean, how can I make it stick around?

Any attempts to hold on to the Living Flow or to get it back when it seems to leave are effortful attempts by the mind, doomed to fail. It’s like swimming in the ocean and riding a wonderful wave. Once it passes by, if you try to chase after it you’ll just end up on the beach with sand in your mouth. But if you fully let go of that wave, and just let yourself be right where you are, other waves will come.

I guess that makes sense. So if I’m busy trying to get back an experience I’ve lost, I’m avoiding being here. Right. The Pure Present is only found in this moment. So it will hide from us as long as we are trying to bring back a past experience. That trying is rejecting what we are experiencing in this moment, so it is rejecting the only doorway into the depths of Being. To be in the Pure Present is to let go of all preconceptions, all expectations, and all comparisons, and to fall completely into the unfiltered experience of this new moment. Bawa Muhaiyaddeen wrote “There is one Truth which we have to know in our lives. That one Truth is undiminishing, incomparable, indestructible, beginningless, endless, without sorrow. It is the Perfect Purity which exists every second.” I’m very glad you are getting some little tastes of that Truth.

So am I, so far. I mean, now it’s back to sounding nice and innocent and blissful and wonderful again. A minute ago it sounded like you were trying to help the grim reaper make his quota. Maybe I should just cash in my chips while I’m still ahead. Or while I still have one.

Listen to Kabir: “Love can be purchased across the counter. But the price is your head. Still, that is very cheap. Don’t hesitate a moment in buying it.”

See? It sounds like things could get just a little scary.

Sometimes. As experiences of Essence become more frequent and intense, they are usually deeply joyful, peaceful, tender and healing. But occasionally they can feel unsettling, overwhelming, and even terrifying, particularly the first few times you experience the Great Abyss, the infinite vastness of the Absolute that the small self recognizes as the end of its existence.

Is that like the still center of the sun you were talking about a few days ago? Instead of the outer rays of light? Right. The outer rays of Essence are filled with radiant, nectarous Light. But the Pure Center, the Godhead, the Void, the Absolute, is an empty stillness that is far too pure for the slightest structure to enter. And so every aspect of your self that is other than that Absolute Pureness dissolves away. This is the death of all that is familiar.

The sixteenth century Indian mystic and poet, Mirabai, said “When you offer the Great One your love, be ready to orbit his lamp like a moth giving into the light, to live in the deer as she runs toward the hunter’s call… Like a bee trapped for life in the closing of the sweet flower, Mira has offered herself to her Lord. She says, the single Lotus will swallow you whole.”

How appealing.

The caterpillar may see it as death. But to the caterpillar’s heart, it is absolutely Right and Natural and Good. It is True Freedom. True Homecoming. The Indian poet, Lalla, said “Coursing in emptiness, I, Lalla, dropped off body and mind, and stepped into the Secret Self.” And al bistami wrote “What I was I no longer am, for “I” and “God” are a denial of God’s unity. Since I no longer am, God is his own mirror. He speaks with my tongue, and I have vanished.”

The twentieth century Austrian Theologian, Martin Buber, wrote “If anyone wishes to be created afresh, then he must do everything in his power to enter the condition of nothingness, and then God will make out of him a new creation, and he will become as a spring which does not dry up and as a stream which does not cease to flow.” And Benet of Canfield wrote “One must live continuously in the abyss of the divine Essence and in the nothingness of things; and if at times a man finds himself separated from them, he must return to them, not by introversion, but by annihilation.” And similarly, John Tauler wrote “Everything depends on a fathomless sinking in a fathomless nothingness.”

It sounds like sometimes you can be having an incredible, expanded, blissful spiritual experience of being one with God or something, and then suddenly you’re like, “Oh shit! If I don’t get out of here quick, I’m not gonna make it out alive!”

Yes, it’s often like that. We can handle letting go of what we have been in order to grab onto something different. But to let go and find no thing else to grasp can be terrifying. We only experience a great Abyss, an infinite Emptiness. Even though this Superabundant Emptiness is the Pure Source of exquisite Beauty and Truth and Nectar and Love, at first our inner senses aren’t fine enough to recognize those qualities so close to their birth. We only know that there is no thing familiar around us or within us. We are alone in an endless black universe with no stars. So naked, so unveiled, that we cannot even find ourselves. There is no familiar point of reference. As Bhai Sahib put it, “When one remains in the Heart of Hearts, one is nowhere.” This could certainly be described as the Oh shit! moment. There can arise a deep fear, with an urgent need to return to the safety of the familiar, finite self.

What do you do if that happens?

Nothing. You simply let the waves of fear be there and pass through, without trying to get rid of them or change them.

No, seriously, what do you do? I mean, if it’s just too much to handle, too big to just let it come on through.

Usually, if you just sit quietly for a while, resting within instead of following all the anxious thoughts, you begin to become more centered and clear. But some people have such a profound, rapid opening, or have such a terrifying moment of facing the possible dissolution of the structures they thought they were, that they feel the need of support from someone who knows the spiritual terrain and can help them through it. Even when you don’t have such a dramatic experience, it can be helpful at times to talk with a teacher or guide or mentor or friend who is familiar with this terrain. In the last few decades, more and more therapists, teachers and guides have become available that are at least somewhat familiar with some of these spaces, and they can be of assistance to those who feel unbalanced or confused or frightened. Such people can also serve as a sounding board, to give you a reality check and help you stay grounded.

What do you mean?

Sometimes, when people begin to have profound experiences, they start to feel they are “there”, that they are now spiritually advanced, special and even superior. There is a great difference between having profound or fascinating spiritual experiences and effortlessly resting in a place in which you are unshakably grounded and centered in your True Nature. These experiences are like false summits. They give you remarkable views, but in order to truly reach the mountain top you must let yourself descend from these smaller peaks. Sometimes when people reach one of these false summits, they choose to stay there, believing they are finished with their ascent. A good teacher or guide can help them see there is more to let go of, and help them remain truly humble. For the Goal is not reached until there is no goal to reach, and no one left to reach it.

* * * * * *

You know, all this talk about annihilation isn’t exactly convincing me this is the best way to go. And I can’t be the only one who isn’t excited about melting away. I don’t mean to diss this Abyss of Bliss, but nonexistence just doesn’t sound like much of a life.

It is True Life! The nineteenth century poet, Alfred Tennyson, sometimes had experiences in which his individual self dissolved away into what he called “boundless being”. He described this experience as “… not a confused state, but the clearest of the clearest… utterly beyond words, where death was an almost laughable impossibility, the loss of personality but the only true life.”

And the eighteenth century Jewish mystic, Baal Shem, wrote “No one goes beyond here unless he sacrifices his self… Here is the beginning of Unity.” And Mahatma Gandhi said “If you would swim on the bosom of the ocean of Truth, you must reduce yourself to a zero.” And the seventeenth century Zen master, Bunan, wrote “Die while you’re alive and be absolutely dead. Then do whatever you want: it’s all good.” The eighteenth century Jesuit, J. P. Caussade, asks “Shall we fear this death, which is to produce in us the true divine gift of Grace?”

And I respond with a resounding, “Abso-fricking-lutely!”

Let’s assume for a moment that you are quite clear you are not interested in dissolving away into something more Pure and True and Real and Eternal any time soon.

Safe assumption.

There is no need for either of us to try to change that in you. Again, why would you give up your life for something you don’t yet value more than yourself?

That sounds so cold. I mean, I’m not a bad guy. I just don’t want to die any sooner than I have to. Call me finicky.

There’s no judgment in what I’m saying. As I said, I wouldn’t expect you to have any other view than the one you now have. You are completely free to hold your self together until your body inevitably dies. Besides, any agenda from either of us to make that holding go away would just make it tighter. But even if we assume this isn’t something you will personally be drawn towards anytime soon, isn’t it still worthwhile for us to discuss what masters and mystics throughout the ages have said about the deeper levels of this process of re-membering Ultimate Reality? Even if you don’t foresee yourself wanting to follow in their footsteps, aren’t you curious to find out more about where those footsteps lead? I’m not interested in trying to make you dissolve. I am interested in sharing with you what has been discovered and rediscovered again and again, by all those who have truly bowed their lives to Pure Being. That when we fully let go of our lives, before we die physically, then finally, in some mysterious, beautiful, ungraspable way, True Life lives through us.

And even if this way of being just doesn’t appeal to you at all, even if you become absolutely clear that you are meant to always remain in tight, grasping control of your life, grabbing all of your leashes until the moment your body dies,–

–What do you mean “if”? Sorry. Go ahead.

This discussion will still lead us to a way in which you can be of service. A way in which even those unwilling to fully let go of their lives can still contribute to a profound healing and opening and blooming in even the darkest places, within themselves and throughout this wounded world. So, even if you aren’t sure all this talk of surrendering and dissolving and letting go is for you, are you still willing for us to go ahead and move deeper into it, so that at the very least you can have a degree of intellectual understanding of what all our talks have been leading up to?

Yeah, definitely. It’s not like I want to quit or anything. And maybe one of these days I’ll see things differently about giving up my life. I guess I just want to make sure I don’t sign on the dotted line before I’ve really read the whole contract.

Here is the whole contract: “I give this life fully and unconditionally to God. To the Most Real. The Purest Truth. The Deepest Reality. The Purest Essence. No matter what.”

See? Something that complex could take years to plow through. I should be ready to get back with you around the time I’m on my death bed.

You don’t have to worry about being forced into anything before you truly give your consent. Anyone can sign a contract. And anyone can break one. In any case, this letting go of the individual self is something that all who are serious about returning Home must face sooner or later. And of course, even those who have no interest at all in such things must eventually face losing all they believe they have and all they believe they are. All structure is temporary.

So when we do finally let go of that which we think we are, do we lose ourselves? Do we lose our awareness? What is left of us? Are we annihilated into oblivion? Do we disappear forever into Nothingness? What is it that remains? Before we address these questions, we need to spend some time getting a clearer understanding of what this identity is that we grasp onto so tightly. What is this that we think we are? What is this small self? How did it form? And how did we become so attached to it?

And once all these questions are answered, we can finally address the greatest, most important question facing humanity today: Where in the hell did moths hang out before artificial lighting?

Ahh, but some mysteries are far too profound for mere human minds to answer. So, maybe this is a good place to stop for today. We’ll start to look into these questions tomorrow.

We’re stopping already?

I’m tired of talking. If you wish, you’re welcome to sit with me in Silence for a while, and just rest in the Flow of the Living Moment.

I guess I could stay for a while. Should I try to meditate or something?

No need to do anything. Just be. It’s fine if you are lost in thoughts, fine if you daydream, fine if you nod off, fine if you get bored and decide to leave. You are completely free to be, just as you are.

Okay, I’ll give it a try. But wake me up if I start snoring.

No need to give it a try. Just give it a rest. Hafiz said “Just sit there right now. Don’t do a thing. Just rest. For your separation from God is the hardest work in this world.”

And by the way, if I happen to start snoring, please, close the door quietly when you leave…

Like the only way a little bit of ocean can experience itself as separate from the rest of it is if there’s some kind of boundary separating it.

Right. And as we’ve discussed, that first sheath or layer of structure is not problematic. A soul can easily let go of identifying with that thin membrane at any time, and experience itself as infinite Essence. But as Light beings go into heavier levels of structural reality, their layers become thicker and more complex. These layers are what allow them to exist in each heavier level. And as we go into heavier levels, we focus our awareness more and more on the sheaths we wear, and on the levels in which they exist. And so we come to believe we are the shell that covers us and we increasingly lose contact with our True Nature.

So to be Self realized do you have to let go of all those layers?

There are many levels of awareness, and therefore many layers of identification and attachment. And all of those layers we wear have to be let go of. Obviously, that doesn’t mean we must discard the physical body and so forth, but we must let go of our identification with the many layers of our shell. Bhai Sahib said “All those sheaths still belong to illusion which covers the Atman. They have to be gotten rid of, ultimately, when one merges into Reality… Nothing must remain, if you want the Truth; nothing but Ultimate Truth.”

So you have to let go of everything, until there’s nothing left? That’s a hell of a price to pay. Maybe I should wait for a sale.

The true Treasure will cost you all of your fool’s gold. Saint John of the Cross wrote “The goods of God, which are beyond all measure, can only be contained in an empty and solitary heart.” And Hadewijch of Antwerp wrote “Nothing remains to me; Formerly I was rich, now I am poor: Everything is lost in Love.”

When you allow all you think you have and all you think you are to completely fall away, when you allow yourself to be completely and utterly poor and barren and empty, as she did, what remains is nothing you could recognize, nothing you could have imagined, nothing your mind can grasp. And yet, that Living, Overflowing Nothingness is the Source and the Center of all that is. When you let go of everything, you become it. Plotinus wrote “Man as he now is has ceased to be the All. But when he ceases to be an individual, he raises himself again and penetrates the whole world.”

Hadwijch the Second agrees: “All things are too small to hold me, I am so vast. In the Infinite I reach for the Uncreated. I have touched it, it undoes me wider than wide. Everything else is too narrow. You know this well, you who are also there.” She also wrote “Tighten to nothing the circle that is the world’s things. Then the Naked circle can grow wide, enlarging, embracing all.”

When Mahadeviyakka, was asked if spiritual seekers should live alone, she responded “Once the entire world is yourself, what could a life of solitude add?” And similarly, Kabir said “To me, society and solitude are one, for all feelings of duality have left me.”

But back up a minute. Sometimes when you talk about the shell it sounds like you’re talking about the physical body and more subtle layers of our being. But sometimes you talk about it like it’s made of our psychological defenses and beliefs and distortions and stuff. You’re talking about two different things?

Yes, I should’ve been clearer about this. I’m using it to mean two different types of structures we become identified with. One is the body or vehicle that a being uses to exist on a particular level. The heavier into structural reality we go, the more of those layers or sheaths we have. So we have several, including the physical body. Those layers don’t have to melt away in order for us to become Self realized. They are just dis-identified with. They are no longer experienced to be who or what we truly are.

The other type of shell I’m speaking of is comprised of the psychological structures that we develop as we learn, correctly or distortedly, what the rules of structural reality are, what the best way is to get by. It includes our defense mechanisms, our belief systems, our unresolved issues, our attachments, our identifications and so forth. Our psyche, or mental body, is a complex web of structural patterns that we hold on to, mostly unconsciously, that serves as a type of map of reality, telling us how to navigate through it in the way that’s most in line with our needs and beliefs. And these mental constructs are filled with distortions that interfere with us perceiving things accurately.

Yeah, in one of my psyche classes we talked about how everyone has distortions and issues and defenses and beliefs that keep us from seeing things as they really are. And how we can take advantage of those to sell laundry detergent.

It’s these mental constructs that are the other meaning of the terms “shell” or “layer”. They’re what I’m referring to when I speak of thinning the shell, melting the ice, dissolving the identity.

That makes sense.

From the first several months of life, the baby knows instinctively that in order to survive it must pay close attention to how things work, how it can best get its needs met. It can no longer just rest. It must begin to develop within itself the ability to adapt and react to its environment in the ways that best support its own survival and well-being. And so it becomes more and more attached to and identified with the body and mind it’s trying so hard to master. It begins to lose what awareness might remain of its greater Self, and begins to limit its awareness to this level of being, to its mind and body and the world around it. Of course, a baby has few of the psychological shields it will eventually develop, so others can often sense the Love and Peace and Spaciousness of Essence when they gaze upon it. Armorlessness is a precious and beautiful thing to behold, when only the thinnest of veils covers the shimmering spark of Essence within.

We’ve talked about how if you look with the heart you see the heart. Since people can so easily feel love when they look at a baby, wouldn’t that add to it too? You look with love, so you see love.

True. And the more love emanating from you towards a baby, the more loved and content and safe it feels within, and so the more it relaxes whatever armor it might already have. And then its Essence emanates even more strongly, and your heart feels that and responds with an even stronger flow of love, and so it deepens. What precious moments those are! The spontaneous arising of the gaze of the Heart.

This same cycle of deepening can happen in other intimate situations as well, such as romantic love, in which we feel safe enough in the presence of another to let go of our defenses and shields, even those which we aren’t aware of holding. As our armor becomes thinner and more transparent, the other person feels the presence of Essence emanating from us, and their love deepens, helping us to feel even safer and to become even more open and exposed. This can happen all the time, with anyone, even strangers, but most of us don’t allow it. We think someone has to qualify for us to let down our guard and let love flow. But Pure Love has no reasons. So Love with reasons is not Pure.

Ouch. That stung. I mean, don’t most of us have reasons we love someone? It seems strange to just love someone out of the blue, without any reason at all. That sounds suspiciously like the sixties.

We think we need reasons to love someone. The truth is that since Love is the natural, effortless flow of Being, we only need reasons to keep from loving someone. The heart’s natural position is open. But that causes more pain, more vulnerability and more strange looks from the closed hearted. As long as we are actually living for ourselves, those reasons are more than enough for most of us to only let love flow to a special few, and usually only at certain times, when it won’t hurt very much.

Yeah, I guess it’s easier to love when you know you’re being loved back. There’s no risk.

Exactly. And yet, the feelings we have when we know we are loved are actually due to our own letting go.

How do you mean?

In romantic relationships, we usually attribute the contentment and joy we feel to the other person. But more accurately, they are the catalyst that allows us to feel safe enough to temporarily dissolve away most of our armoring, and then we naturally experience more of the Essence that has always been beneath it all. Of course, as the relationship evolves, each person inevitably hurts the other in small or big ways, making it harder to trust as deeply as before and to let go of our defenses as much. Until sooner or later we no longer feel the magic we once felt in their arms. So we often try to find someone new that we have no messy history with yet, which allows us to once more feel that magical open beingness we so deeply long for.

I have to admit I can relate to that one. Sometimes I think I’ve been more in love with the feelings of love and intimacy than with the woman I felt them with. And those feelings are usually strongest and less bogged down at the beginning of a relationship.

We know the rightness of that space of safe, open hearted, merging Beingness that arises under certain circumstances. We know it is a taste of Home, our True Love. It feels deeply nurturing and healing and beautiful and true. So we try to hold onto the particular circumstances that led to those feelings. We don’t realize this inner space of Resting Beingness is available to us all the time. We don’t have to wait until a moment of deep emotional intimacy with another to just let go of all our holding and merge into Pure Love. Nothing has to happen first in order for us to let ourselves just be. Pure Beingness is at a level much deeper than the level of surface happenings, so it’s irrelevant what’s happening on the surface.

Sounds good in theory.

Most of us unconsciously live our lives based on a false theory. A false assumption. We try to create the conditions we think are necessary for us to just deeply rest inside. We try to reach the end of our endless “to do” list, so we can finally just relax and simply be. We try to re-arrange the level of surface events, the level of doing, in order to experience the deep level of Pure Being. So we’re doomed from the start. As long as our inner peace is conditional upon anything, it’s not Imperturbable Peace. It’s not the Perfect Peace that passes all understanding. And so it’s not a real treasure.

Hang on. You’re saying that if you’re in a really deep, peaceful space, and then it eventually fades away, that it didn’t mean anything? It’s not valuable?

If it’s a feeling that can come and go, it’s a surface wave. It can feel wonderful, but it isn’t a true Treasure. Unconditional Peace, just like Unconditional Love, can be here under any conditions. Even when the surface waves are filled with pain or anger or confusion or agitation or numbness. You don’t have to make the surface waves meet any conditions for the Ocean Depths to endlessly and effortlessly flow with Absolute Freedom. But we’ll come back to this later in our conversations.

* * * * * *

So, during the first months and years of life, there are many painful experiences which lead us to add layers of protection around us, to make us less sensitive and less susceptible to pain. These shields start out thin and pulsing when we are very young, but as childhood progresses they become thicker and more solid, and Essence becomes less and less perceptible. Let’s look at a quick example.

Imagine you’re two months old, laying in your crib, and a bee lands on your foot and stings you.

What kind of a bee would just go attack a defenseless baby? What the hell did I do to deserve that? I mean, there I was, just minding my own business, looking up at this nice mobile above my bed that my Aunt Sally made, and then, ZAP! Instant agony. I’ve been terrified of mobiles ever since. Not to mention my Aunt Sally. And for months that mobile was still hanging up there, taunting me with its evil presence. It scared the crap out of me. Several times a day. In fact, the first words I ever spoke were “Get that God forsaken mobile out of here pronto! And please stop feeding me those absolutely atrocious jars of liquefied green beans!” You know, that’s actually one of the main things wrong with this world today.

Liquefied green beans?

Besides that. It’s everywhere in nature so it should be really obvious to us. I mean, that bee is a perfect example. But somehow we don’t seem to get it. If you have a weapon, no matter how small or how big, sooner or later you’re probably going to find a reason to use it. So unless you were born with it attached to your butt, just fricking get rid of it! Anyway, so I got stung by an evil bee from hell. Then what?

It wasn’t evil. It had been trapped in your room all day, and it was just trying to feed off a drop of liquefied green beans that had spilled onto your foot. It tickled you, you suddenly kicked, and the frightened bee just responded out of instinct.

Have you ever thought about being a criminal defense attorney? You could make a jury feel sorry for anyone. Anyway, I do feel bad for that bee if it had to resort to eating that stuff. I can kind of do the gaze of the Heart with it. Somewhere inside the thick skin of that mean, nasty bee, there’s an innocent little larva, just trying to wiggle its way out. You can’t help but fall in love.

In any case, you were laying there all happy and peaceful, and now all of a sudden you feel terrible pain. This is very scary and upsetting. You start crying loudly with fear and pain and also to make your comforters come make it go away. Your parents come in, and they don’t know what’s wrong. You are wearing socks, so they can’t see the sting.

I felt a bee tickle under my socks? It must have been one big mother bee!

They check your diaper, they try to feed you, they try rocking you, but nothing helps. And you just keep crying with all your might.

They better figure it out quick. If I keep crying like this I’m likely to pop a vessel. Not that there’s a lot my parents could do to comfort me.

Now, there is a universal psychological pattern in infants when they have a strong need that doesn’t get resolved. Their cry of discomfort or pain or fear builds into a rageful cry. And then eventually, if their strong need still hasn’t been met, they finally just give up. There is a resignation, a sense of exhausted hopelessness.

Painful situations like this happen to every child again and again, to varying degrees. These learnings become mental constructs, belief structures about themselves and the world, that they will use throughout their life to navigate.

An instruction manual for how to survive.

And some of those beliefs, such as “The world is not safe,” and “My needs won’t always be taken care of,” cause them to develop a protective shield, a hardness, to become less sensitive to the pain of life they have already begun to experience.

Bumper car syndrome.  At amusement parks the lines are always really long for the bumper cars. I guess everyone’s thinking, what could be more relaxing than having thirty people try to ram their car into yours as hard as they can. It’s a nice break from the freeway. And just to make it interesting, the cars are all powered by bare steel rods that go up from the cars to a live electrical grid, which also doubles as a roof in case there’s a thunderstorm.

So when you get in a car that first time, you might be kind of relaxed. But after you get hit a few times and your neck vertebrae get rearranged and someone’s toupee hits you in the face and your lunch is thinking about abandoning ship, you get the hint and you start to tense up and brace yourself. You’re just automatically tense and guarded and uptight until the ride is over.  I don’t think you could relax if you wanted to. It’s like your body knows it better stay prepared. I guess you learn as a kid, even early on, that you’re going to get jarred by life here and there, and you start to brace yourself for it.

Yes, exactly. And even if a child is fortunate enough to avoid very traumatic experiences, seemingly small episodes can accumulate, and play a large role in the development of the child’s unconscious beliefs and coping strategies.

So if somehow a child could just be brought up perfectly, without any traumas or wounds or pain, would they always be in touch with their Essence?

Anytime a young child doesn’t get to have what they want the moment they want it, there is some degree of pain. Even if a child were brought up by two Self realized parents, still they would become attached to and identified with their own body and mind. And they would see the glittering fool’s gold of this world, in its varying forms, and try to grab it and hold onto it, forgetting about the True Treasure. Rumi said “While you look for trinkets, the treasure house awaits you in your own being.”

Why would we choose fool’s gold over the real thing?

Because, deep down, we know that the True Treasure, as incomparably Good and Pure and Perfect as it is, isn’t something we can use in this world for our gain. We can never hold it or own it. We can never have it. We can only let it have us. But fool’s gold, as worthless as it is, has a weight to it in this world. We can hold it and own it and use it to become more secure and comfortable on the surface. This is why it feels like such a costly thing to allow ourselves to really see the Truth. It costs us all our fool’s gold. We realize not only how worthless our worldly treasures really are compared with the Real Treasure, but also what fools we were for believing they had so much value.

To quote from a Leslie Neilsen movie, “The truth hurts. Oh, sure, not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts.”

The truth doesn’t often cooperate with our dreams and hopes and plans. It even shatters the illusion that we can have Pure Gold our way. That we can use Living Essence for ourselves. That we are meant to be masters of Pure Love, instead of letting Pure Love master us. When we hear this kind of truth, our illusions can begin to look much more appealing.

That reminds me of the movie, “The Matrix”. Did you see it? It’s really cool. The familiar world and everything in it all turns out to be an illusion, but almost nobody knows it. And Neo is this searcher who has always had a feeling there was something more real. And at one point, he meets someone who sees past the illusion, and who gives him a choice between taking two pills. If he takes the blue pill, he’ll go on believing in the illusion forever, never knowing the truth. But if he takes the red pill, he’ll have to watch the world that he knows crumble apart. He’ll never be able to believe the illusion again. He’ll only see true reality.

Sounds like a good movie. The pull to know the Truth can be so strong, he must have chosen the red pill.

Yeah, and later on, after he’s been dealing with reality for a while, he’s thinking, “Why the hell didn’t I take the blue one?”

Yes, all his illusions of just living a treasure-filled life in the old, familiar world were shattered. When we let in the truth, the burning away of our illusions can be very painful. But it is such a purifying, cleansing, healing pain.

* * * * * *

So, while each child’s specific experiences and learnings vary, there are some universal patterns of coping that we all tend to use. Our Pure Center becomes covered over with layers of repressed emotions and energy and with the barriers we use to keep them repressed. One way of conceptualizing these patterns might be called the layer model. It holds that the first layer around the Pure Center of our Essence is the pristine personality, our pure, innocent, child-like, free-flowing personality, with its own predispositions and interests and so forth. And covering that is all the negative emotions and energies we’ve stuffed down over the years because they were too painful or too unacceptable to ourselves or others. The next layer is the armor we use to keep all those unresolved aspects of ourselves buried down. And then on top of that is our presenting personality, the mask we so often wear to come across the way we think we should, even though we’re usually so cut off from our pure, authentic self.

William Blake wrote “For man has closed himself up ’til he sees all things through the chinks of his cavern.” And Eckhart wrote “A man has many skins in himself, covering the depths of his heart. Man knows so many things; he does not know himself. Why, thirty or forty skins or hides, just like an ox’s or a bear’s, so thick and hard, cover the soul. Go into your own ground and learn to know yourself there.” And the seventeenth century Zen Buddhist monk, Takuan, wrote “Zen is to have the heart and soul of a little child.”

Didn’t Jesus say something about how we should be like a little child too?

“For to such belongs the Kingdom of Heaven.” The Chinese sage, Mencius, who lived in the fourth century B.C., agreed: “A great man is one who never loses the heart of a new born babe. The sole concern of learning is to seek one’s original heart.” This original heart is the Heart within the heart. That Heart is Infinite. And it is always much closer to us than even our physical heart.

So, from this perspective, we can see how valuable it can be to let ourselves sink down beneath the protective armoring into the muck where so much of our life flow gets bogged down. But this isn’t pleasant. It’s much easier to pretend jewels don’t exist than to be in the mud where they are hidden.

There’s a line from a Peter Gabrielle Song, “Digging in the dirt, to find the places I got hurt.”

Exactly. And when we do, we discover there has been a constant unconscious inner battle, between repressed emotions and energies trying to come up and be expressed, and the energy we use to hold them down. This conflict manifests as both chronic psychological stress and chronic physiological stress, such as muscle tension.

So the issues are in the tissues.

That’s true. One of the reasons most of us are so cut off from our bodies is that’s usually where we store all the messy stuff. To be very connected to our bodies is to also be aware of those aspects of ourselves we tried to get rid of long ago. That’s why so many people live in their heads. Most of the time they just kind of drag around the rest of their body– after all, it keeps their head alive. But they would rather not know what evils are lurking down there in the basement. It’s easy to imagine that when you become Self realized you become very distant about your body. But one of the paradoxical results is that once you experience yourself to be your limitless True Nature, rather than your mind or body, you find yourself living more fully and comfortably and spaciously in your mind and body than you ever thought possible. There’s no more pushing away and splitting off. And so the whole organism is free to become an integrated vessel through which Pure Being flows.

These places within us where we are trying to express or suppress emotions or energy can be thought of as different parts of us. We caged off some of these parts because we wanted to push down an impulse or emotion that arose, and others in order to act as guards or shields to keep those parts down.

But if we have all these different parts then everyone has a split personality. How is that different from actually having multiple personalities? If you don’t mind us asking.

Give it a try.

Well, it’s got to be a matter of extremes. I know that with multiple personalities there’s usually really bad abuse or some other trauma. It’s too much for the person to handle, so I guess they kind of sacrifice a part of them that endures it, and then the rest of them doesn’t have to even have a memory of it. That part just gets cut off and disassociated completely. And sometimes several different parts. So maybe it’s like, for most people, parts are separated with a chain link fence, so that there’s still some kind of connection and cohesiveness, but in some people, sometimes parts get completely walled off with thick cement, where there’s not even an awareness of each other. Total compartmentalization. Multiple personalities.

Yes, that’s a good way of looking at it. Now, children are overflowing with energy that propels them so many different directions. Some of these impulses are creative, some destructive. Some receptive, some aggressive. That’s the nature of raw energy. It doesn’t know the rules of family and society. It just flows naturally in its own directions. The child is left with the task of trying to filter and direct this raw energy appropriately.

And it sounds like one of the ways kids learn to handle that is to just stuff it down.

Right. And we could say that they cut off and isolate a part of their psyche along with it. Those parts that get left behind are not bad or evil. Neither are the parts that keep them held down. Repressed impulses and energy can certainly become stronger and more distorted over time, but the core part that was separated can be seen as an innocent child. So even if some of our parts cause us difficulties, even if we’re afraid of the power of some of the parts we sense lurking within us, we can still have a sense of compassion for every one of them. While some of our parts are definitely unhelpful, each of them at its core only wants what it thinks is best for us.

That’s hard to believe.

Yes, until you begin to connect with your separated parts, particularly those that seem the most distorted or troublesome or even evil. As you open up a space within yourself to listen to what they most deeply want, their own dragon layers begin to fall away and you find an innocent, often confused child, that was abandoned and isolated long ago, and is doing the best it can with its limited understanding. When we do battle with our dragons, they only become stronger. But when a dragon knows it’s in safe company, its scales fall away on their own. Then what is left is a space of Open Beingness that is overflowing with love and joy and security. That is what remains when we drop everything.

What is Essence? It is What Is Left. But we cannot fully let go of what we have refused to fully embrace. And so, as the saying goes, what you resist persists. We put so much energy into avoiding the dragons we fear! We try to hide from the ones we believe to be lurking out there in the shadows, and we try to keep hidden the ones we sense living within us. We imprison them in harsh, cold caves, far beneath our awareness. But wherever a dragon is found, there is always a great treasure near by.

Essence is the Center. The Core. Of everything. Whenever anything is experienced completely, the layers unveil, and the Pure Core begins to be exposed. When you fully enter the belly of the beast, the beast dissolves, and all that remains is the precious treasure it had been keeping safe until your return. Pure, luminous, intimate Beingness. Home. Your True Self.

Well, like I said, I’ll believe it when I see it.

Then let’s take some time to investigate this directly and see what’s discovered.

* * * * * *

Are you up for seeing for yourself what is found in the heart of the dragon?

I guess so. With their diet, probably a lot of cholesterol.

So, right now, think of a negative emotion or impulse that you’ve experienced. One that you just can’t believe is actually good at its core.

Well, let me think for a minute. I mean, when you’re as pure as I am, you don’t have that many to choose from.

It’s okay to mention something you might be embarrassed or even ashamed of. We all have parts or patterns within us that are unhealthy and distorted, even ones that want to do harm to ourselves or others. These parts aren’t likely to change as long as we keep them in the dark. So even if it feels uncomfortable or risky, I invite you to choose something that you really feel bad about, that you might prefer to go your whole life without anyone knowing about…

… Well, here’s one I’m not proud of. After college I worked with abused kids at a treatment center for a while. It was a really rough, stressful environment. Most of them were pretty aggressive and violent. They were used to being abused, and there was some dynamic going on where some of them would try to push our buttons and get us really mad at them, like somehow they were more comfortable when adults blew up at them. Maybe their programming was, they can’t control that they’re going to get abused but they can at least control provoking the adult and getting it over with sooner. Anyway, they sure knew how to get us hooked. From constantly pushing limits to attacking other kids to cussing at us to spitting in our faces to scratching and hitting and kicking us. It was no picnic. Even when we went on one.

And man, I swear there were times I wanted to cause some serious pain to some of those kids. When I just wanted to beat the crap out of them. And there were a few times I felt right on the edge. Like I wasn’t all that far from losing it. I would make myself take space and cool off, but man, I wanted revenge! I used to wonder how a parent could ever hit a child. After working in that environment for a while, I realized the main difference between abusive parents and non-abusive ones isn’t in having the impulse, it’s in controlling it. It’s having the coping skills and support to be able to walk away and take space before you blow up. Or calling someone to help you get through it. I think it was understandable that some of us got to that point now and then– That place felt like a war zone. But still, there were times I actually wanted to seriously hurt a kid. Like hit them or ring their neck or something. Sometimes it felt like pure rage, pure hatred, maybe even pure evil. I don’t see anything redeeming in that.

A big, mean, angry dragon.

Yeah. Ready to make some toast.

Good. You’ve chosen a good one. Now see if you can remember a specific time you felt that rage come up, and see if you can feel some residue of it in your body.

Yeah, I’ve got one. I’m not proud of it, but I honestly wanted to cause him some serious pain.

Perhaps a part of you even wanted to kill him.

I don’t know about that, but I definitely had some major rage flowing through.

It’s been said that those of us who haven’t found a part of us that could kill haven’t yet looked deeply enough.

Have you found that part?

More than one. Rage evolved eons ago to give us the strength we needed to conquer a life threatening enemy. Its purpose was to destroy anything that might hurt us. So when strong anger comes, it has within it the potential and the impulse to hurt or even kill. The danger comes when due to fear or shame around these impulses, we try to stuff them down. Then the pressure builds, causing stress on our minds and bodies, and perhaps eventually resulting in an explosion.

So, get back in touch with that impulse to hurt him, really let yourself step into it, and tell me where you feel it in your body…

… Well, my chest feels tighter.

Good. So really tune into your tighter chest, and see if you can say more about how it feels…

Well, it feels tougher. Meaner. Like a layer of cold metal armor is covering it or something.

Good. Now whether or not it’s literally true that there are different parts or subpersonalities within us, for this exploration we can imagine that is the case. So let’s assume that this tightness around your chest that wanted to hurt that child is a part of you that is trying to get something. It isn’t tightening things up in your chest just to pass the time. There’s something that it’s trying to accomplish.

Homicide.

You don’t have to believe that deep down it actually wants something good. Let’s see if we can find out for ourselves. So again, remember the situation, and go ahead and make contact with that part, meaning just tune in to it and feel its presence in your body. Feel that band of armor around your chest. If it helps you to focus, you can close your eyes if you wish… Let me know when you feel tuned in to it…

…Okay. I definitely feel it.

Good. Now, silently ask this part if it is willing to talk with you. Tell it that you want to find out what it really wants, to see if you can help it.

You mean like talk to it? Talk to this tightness in my chest?

Right.

That sounds pretty weird, to just have a heart to heart with my chest. It seems pointless. There aren’t any brain cells there. It can’t think.

There is a part of your mind that is causing that tightness. Your only doorway to that part is through the tightness itself. It can definitely seem strange at first. But why not just experiment with something different and see what happens? And while the intellect can always think of answers to your questions, with this process you simply direct a question to the area where the feelings related to that part are located, and then wait for an answer to sort of bubble up to the surface on its own, without any conscious effort. So just ask if this part is willing to talk with you. And see what response arises…

…I don’t think I’m getting any kind of answer. Just a real tightness. A hardness. Like nothing could ever get through.

That’s fine. if you had gotten a definite “no”, you could explain your honest intentions to better understand what it really needs to see if you can help it. Usually, parts will be willing to communicate when they’re convinced you want to help them. Especially if you can send a little warmth and compassion their way.

I don’t think warmth and compassion are on the top of this part’s priority list.

Well, let’s find out what is. So go ahead and ask this part, by directing the question towards the tightness in your chest, “What is it that you want by being so tight and tough and angry?”

It probably wants to teach the kid a lesson. Show him he can’t get away with that crap.

That may be what this part wants, or it may not. I know it’s a new concept to let an answer arise from a different place inside you, but it isn’t hard to do as long as you just give it a little space and quietly and patiently notice what arises. Can you still feel the tightness and anger in your chest?

Definitely.

Good. If it starts to fade away, you can imagine turning up its intensity, like turning up the volume on a stereo. Now, staying focused on it, imagine that you are somehow sending that question to this part. Direct the question to your chest, and then just wait patiently, while staying focused on the sensations there. “What is it that you are trying to get by being so tight and angry? What is it that you want from being that way?”…

… Hey, I think it actually gave me an answer! I felt it get tighter, and my jaw tightened, and the words just kind of came, “I want to beat the crap out of that kid.”

Good. It sounds like an answer that would come from that part.

Well you’ve certainly convinced me it’s actually a nice, innocent, cuddly part that’s just having a bad hair day.

See if you can let yourself be in a space of open, nonjudgmental, patient presence, and let’s find out what arises as we continue. Now, if you can feel any appreciation that this part was willing to communicate with you, go ahead and send that to this part. Just kind of let it know you appreciate it being willing to talk with you.

… No response. I think it must be the strong, silent, disgruntled postal worker type.

We’ll see. So now, go ahead and ask this part, “What if you get what you want? What if you beat up this child? Is there something this would give you that’s even more important to you?”

Woah, time out. It seems like the only way to answer that question is to kind of imagine it happening. I mean, for this part to know the answer it has to play out doing that.

Yes, exactly.

Well, is it okay to imagine beating up a kid?

This part of you has been there for a long time, whether you like it or not. Of course, it’s not okay to actually abuse a child. But your strategy of just ignoring this part has only resulted in it splitting off and hiding down in the depths of your psyche, which actually prevents any release or integration of this part or the life force it is holding. It’s much more harmful to leave it forever lurking in the depths than to give it permission to just imagine acting out its impulses for a few moments. So let it imagine getting what it wants if that helps it answer the question. No need for guilt. No one is actually getting hurt. We’re just letting this part really sink all the way through this level of wanting to hurt the child, so that we can see if anything deeper lies beneath it. So again, ask this part, “What if you get what you want? What if you get to beat him up as much as you want to? What does that get you that’s even more important?”…

… Power. I’m not really getting any words, but there’s this feeling of being really big and strong and powerful. Like throwing the kid across the room and yelling, “Don’t you ever do that to me again!”

Good.

Man, I can’t help but feel guilty admitting I want to do that. But that’s definitely what this armor around my chest wants.

I can understand the guilt. But there is such a difference between being aware of an impulse and actually acting it out in the world. When we allow ourselves to become more conscious of them by sinking more deeply into them, we can relieve the pressure that had been building and help prevent them from spilling out in unhealthy ways. So tune in again to the sensation in your chest. How does it feel right now?

It feels powerful. Strong. Like, “Go ahead, punk. Make my day.”

And now ask this part, “What if you get to be incredibly strong, absolutely powerful? What does that do for you that’s even more important?”…

…It feels like, then I can control the kid. I can control the situation. I can have things my way.

Good. You might again send a sense of appreciation to this part that it is so willing to communicate with you…

It seems like my chest feels a little softer. Not quite as armored.

Good. And notice that we’re not trying to force this part to change or trying to rip away its layers. We’re wanting to help it sink through the layers, into the core of what it truly most deeply wants. So now ask this part, “If you get to have total control over the child and the situation, if you get to have things just the way you want them, fully and completely, what does that do for you that’s even more important?”…

…I have this image of him coming up and apologizing, really sincerely, and then being really good from then on.

And how does your chest feel now?

Well, it feels more open now. There isn’t a tight band around it anymore. It’s kind of tender. There’s a sense of relief and relaxing.

Good. So just to make sure we’re really clear what this part wants, we’ll ask it again. “If you get to have total control over this child and the situation, what is it that you want from that that’s even more important to you?”…

…There’s this sense of relief and relaxing again… The words that are coming up are, “Then I can be safe. Then I can have some peace…” I can feel my chest just kind of releasing… Kind of melting… It’s like I’m sitting in a rocking chair by a gentle fire, all snug and toasty. Just relaxing. Just being. It feels really nice.

And what happened to that anger and tightness and toughness? See if you can still feel it.

No, it’s gone. I can’t find it. That’s strange. There’s just this tender, open hearted feeling.

Wonderful.

Wow. Now I’m getting this image of rocking the kid to sleep by the fire. And he’s saying he’s really, really sorry, and I can tell he means it. This is instead of me hurting him, not after. I can’t even imagine hurting him now. I’m just rocking him by the fire, feeling love for him. This kid has so much to deal with. He has to grow up in a treatment center with seventeen other needy, troubled kids, not to mention stressed out staff, because his own parents hurt him so badly. I don’t think I could’ve handled his situation any better than him, you know?

Your heart is flowing with compassion and love for him.

Yeah. He’s really a precious child, doing the best he knows how to do in a really, really tough life.

A few minutes ago you said you didn’t believe warmth and compassion were important to this part. Now it’s sitting by a warm fire, feeling love for a precious child.

Yeah. Pretty amazing.

Friend, you have a beautiful heart when you let it be exposed.

It just kind of happened. That band of armor just melted away.

So now you can see that when this part wanted to hurt the child, what it really wanted was to be safe and to have peace, even if it didn’t have a good plan to get there. This fierce, nasty dragon was only breathing fire to try to melt away its own icy armor. A noble goal, even if the approach it was taking was a distorted one.

Yeah. Good goal. Bad plan.

So let’s find out if there are even deeper layers than peace and safety that are waiting to be unveiled. Tune in again to your chest, and ask this part, “What if you have complete and total safety?… What if you have complete and total peace?… Is there anything that having absolute safety and peace gives you that’s even more important?”

I think I’d probably just settle for that.

Well, go ahead and ask this part the question, and see what response arises from it. “If you get to have peace and safety, fully and completely, is there anything that gives you that you want even more?”…

… It says, “Then I can just let go.”

So if you have peace and safety, fully and completely, then you can just let go.

Yeah. Just let go of everything.

… And now what’s happening?

… It feels like everything’s just dropping away… Burdens, effort, stress… My body feels a lot more relaxed. And my mind… It’s like I don’t have to try to get anything or get rid of anything or change anything. All that is just falling away… And I’m just kind of sinking down… Just resting. It feels really good… It’s like I’m soaking in a hot tub or something. All the tension is melting away… It’s really, really nice.

Wonderful. And now ask this part, “What if you just get to let go of absolutely everything, fully and completely? Not having to try to do anything. Not having to try to get anything. Just sinking. Just melting. Just completely letting go. Is there anything this gives you that’s even more important?…”

…Then I can just be.

So if you let go fully and completely, then you can finally just be.

Yeah. Without anything getting in the way.

And what are you experiencing right now?

Everything’s just falling away. There’s just being here. Without all the heaviness and tensions and all… Just kind of an open, weightless being.

And if you really get to just be, fully and completely, if you get to completely have open, weightless being, is there anything you want from that that’s even more important?…

… The words that are coming are “To just sink into empty beingness…” I feel myself just falling deeper and deeper into… into this really relaxed, peaceful, spacious, empty beingness… I don’t really know how else to describe it. It’s like there’s nothing in it, and that’s why it’s so light and free. But that spacious nothingness feels incredibly fulfilling… It feels rejuvenating and healing and relaxing all at once. Like if you could just completely dissolve into a really good, safe embrace… Man, it’s an incredible feeling. It’s not some strange, mystical state or anything. Just incredible openness and spaciousness and lightness and peacefulness… A feeling of being really free. No burdens or walls. No struggling. Just a peaceful, empty, really fulfilling beingness.

It’s a beautiful, beautiful place to live from, isn’t it? So, if you have this sinking into empty beingness completely, absolutely, one hundred percent, is there anything that would give you that you want even more?…

No. Just this pure, empty beingness. Those are the only words that really seem to fit. There’s nothing more important than that. Nothing else that I want.

Wonderful. So just let yourself fully sink into this Pure, Empty Beingness… Falling more deeply into it with every breath… Let yourself fully, completely have it. Let it fully, completely have you. Just let yourself really melt into it…

It’s really, really nice. I feel completely content. Completely at peace… I don’t remember ever feeling like this. Ever. Just resting. Floating. No trying or doing or effort. Just open and weightless and free… I don’t even feel like talking. That’s a new one… I just feel totally at peace. Nothing lacking. Nothing lacking! Just being. Just here. And it’s enough. It’s so much more than enough. I feel completely… quenched. It’s just really, really, simple. And really, really good.

… Yes. Beautifully and simply quenched in Pure Goodness… My friend, it’s such an honor to be in the presence of one who is resting in the Silent Center. Simply being in Pure Being. Such a gift. That part that wore so much anger, what a gift it had waiting underneath for us both! Once you allowed yourself to unwrap it… So, while you are resting in Peace, let’s see if there is anything more to be unveiled.

More? How could there possibly be more?

Let’s just see if there is. Let me ask you a few questions, and just let the answers come from deep within the center of your present experience. Does this pure, empty beingness have any edges to it? Any end? Any boundaries? Just check and see…

… Well, my mind says it should– everything does. But it doesn’t feel that way.

How does it feel?

Endless. Boundless. Like there aren’t any walls around it… Like endless space. Like loving endless space. That’s how it feels. It’s just beingness… Sort of melting into everything.

So it’s infinite?

It feels like it. It’s like there’s nothing that could contain it. It’s too… empty. Too light. So it doesn’t have any boundaries to it. Somehow there’s just this sense, this knowing, that it’s endless. Yeah, it’s infinite.

And if it’s endless, that means there’s no place that it isn’t. Right? If it’s boundless, no boundaries could contain it. There’s no structures or walls or edge that could keep it out.

Yeah.

And if it’s everywhere, and if no boundaries can shut out its presence, that must mean that right now it has to be all around us. Everywhere around us. Right? And not just around us, because there is no wall or structure or boundary somewhere inside us that could keep it out. So it’s in us too. Right now. In every mental and physical structure that makes up our bodies and minds. And if it penetrates everything, then nothing inside us could truly block it from being present everywhere inside us. So, in every moment, it must be freely flowing through every cell, every molecule, every atom, every particle. Even the vast, subatomic cosmos in which electrons dance in ecstasy around their sun, even that must be completely filled with this Living Presence. So your body is constantly being bathed in this endless, overflowing, quenching Essence. For no boundaries or structures could ever keep boundless, structureless Being away!

Wow. That’s pretty amazing. But yeah, I guess so.

No guesses. Tune into your direct experience of it. Your direct knowing that is coming from resting in this Endless Peace in this moment. Can any boundary contain it, push it away, prevent it from being infinitely present everywhere?

The answer that’s coming up is, no. It’s everywhere. Even here. Always.

Always. And if there are no boundaries that can contain it, then it must melt right into the core of every structure. It must merge with the core of everything. Completely. So completely that when we look with true seeing, no separation can be found. And if it melts through all separation, then can it truly be separate from anything? Can it really be something other if it melts through all? If it melts completely and totally and fully into everything? And if it melts through everything that you are, and if it cannot be separate from anything that you are, can it really be separate from you? Can you really be separate from it?

Well… I mean… Not really. No.

My friend, you are not truly some form that is separated from the Living Ocean. You are not other than Living Ocean itself! How could you be? You have never been other than it. There has never been the slightest separation, not the slightest real partition, between you and it. And since there cannot be even the slightest real separation, then in spite of all appearances there cannot be two. There can only be One. That One could never be separate from itself. My friend, you are that One. All is that One. Nothing has ever been other than that One. Nothing ever needs to take the slightest step towards it, for nothing has ever been truly away. Not even for an instant! Oh, my friend, all of our serious games of hide and seek are always happening right in the arms of God! The prodigal son never left! Where could he possibly go?

Endless Sea. Endless Sun.
Endless Heart. Endless One.
How could this leave? Where could this go?
Even illusion, one with this Flow.

It’s a very good sign you don’t feel like talking. Let’s just sit together in silence for a while. Melting into the endless, overflowing, quenching Nectar of Pure Isness. Merging with the Infinite Heart. Kabir said “There is a land not governed by sadness and doubt… The bee of the heart dives into it and wants no other joy.” And remember Rumi: “When the soul lies down on that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase ‘each other’ doesn’t make any sense.”…

Well, good. Kind of happy and relaxed. Still some after-effects from yesterday, I guess. That really blew me away. I felt really spacious and free and just connected with everything. It was pretty amazing. And when we were done, I didn’t just go back to living in my thoughts the way I always do. I was just being. And it was okay that I didn’t really understand what was going on intellectually. Thoughts came and went, but they weren’t really important enough to bother with. It just really felt good and peaceful and tender.

Wonderful. You were resting in the Heart within the heart. A bit different than your habitual way of being.

Yeah, just a little. You definitely gave me a glimpse.

You gave yourself a glimpse. A quick glimpse of the Beloved. Did your heart begin to fall in love?

Well, let’s just call it a crush at this point. I mean, don’t go writing my obituary or anything just yet. But it was pretty amazing. It was so clear that there wasn’t any separation between me and that. And it was so completely grounded and empty and intimate and vast and loving all at the same time. But it had nothing to do with the me I always think of as me. Words can’t even touch it. But it was amazing. When you were talking about how I am that, how there’s no difference, it felt like more and more layers just kept falling away. Layers I never even knew I had. But the very center of me was still there. And it was like that center was endless.

The Center of the soul. Now you understand those words of Empedocles, “The Nature of God is a circle of which the center is everywhere and the circumference is nowhere.”

Yeah! That was exactly how it felt. Of course, my mind is like, “What the hell is he talking about? Reel him in before it’s too late!” But that’s how it was. And it was like I was still here, but I wasn’t anything I had always taken myself to be. It was like my constant holding onto my mind and body and everything else all dropped away. I can see why you say all that stuff is like waves on the ocean. It was kind of like I was sinking deeper and deeper, and those waves became smaller and less dominant. And it wasn’t that I felt detached– I was really, really here. But here not as just a wave, but as this spacious, peaceful, grounded, completely open Beingness that was so much bigger than the waves. It wasn’t total annihilation at all. It was total… Life! Pure Existence. Pure Essence. Pure Being. Jeeze, I’m starting to sound like you. But those are the words that fit.

Wonderful!

Yeah, but just like Monday it started to fade last night and– well, I guess it was like I started to identify with the waves again. I was still feeling peacefulness and a kind of subtle, energizing presence, but it wasn’t anywhere near as strong. It was more like I was a wave glimpsing the vastness of the ocean beneath me. And then this morning I felt good and relaxed but it was just a shadow of yesterday. And by now it seems like it’s almost completely faded.

And any reaching to get it back will only push it farther away. It was so beautiful to be in your presence yesterday. Your thorns dropped away, your petals opened and your heart was exposed. And the Nectar that had always been there was free to effortlessly spill over into this thirsty world. Such a fragrant rose!

But I was just sitting here. Just being. I wasn’t out spreading nectar or anything. I mean, I was taking it in, not giving it out.

The closed rose must search for food outside itself. It cannot help but take. But the open one is filled with the Endless Nectar that overflows from the depths of its infinite Heart. It takes nothing from the world. And in its innocent, unguarded openness, it cannot help but spread its healing fragrance to all who care to breathe it in.

So you mean because I was just being, just open and content, melting into Beingness or Essence or whatever you want to call it, that can affect other people?

Exactly. Kabir said “When the Day came– the Day I had lived and died for– the Day that is not in any calendar– Clouds, heavy with love, showered me with wild abundance. Inside me, my soul was drenched. Around me, even the desert grew green.”

When you are resting in the Living Flow, people will consciously or unconsciously find themselves drawn towards that fresh, peaceful, spacious presence they sense around you. While their experience may be one of you giving them something they are missing, you know from your experience yesterday this is not the case. You are just being. Effortlessly. It isn’t that your resting in Effortless Beingness is directly feeding them. It’s that they can only sense the overflowing Essence you are resting in by feeling a resonance with it deep within themselves. Only Essence can sense Essence. Only a heart can feel a heart. When others catch a hint of the exquisite fragrance of Pure Essence, they cannot help but let their tight petals open ever so slightly, to breathe in more.

I guess that makes sense.

So when you are sinking into the overflowing fullness of Pure Being, you help others to let their own petals begin to open, which helps them become more aware of the endless, fragrant Nectar that has always been waiting within their inner Heart. And in this way, slowly, flower by flower, Spring comes.

That sounds good, but my spring lasted about an hour and a half.

Most of us go through the vast majority of our lives with our petals tightly closed. Even when we experience the beauty and fullness that arise when we allow them to begin to open, this doesn’t automatically eliminate the subconscious belief structures that are so invested in keeping them in a less exposed and vulnerable position.

What do you mean?

When your petals open, the boundaries of your sense of being can change dramatically, expanding from a small, confined world inside safe petal walls to being much more vast. And when they completely open, no boundaries or separation can be found at all. While this is a much more accurate experience of True Reality, it can be quite uncomfortable or even terrifying to those aspects of ourselves invested in protecting our structural boundaries. They much prefer the stagnant safety of going through life with closed petals.

Well, we gotta protect ourselves from all those thorny roses out there.

No, we don’t. A thorn in our heart doesn’t need protected against. It only causes pain. There is no inherent value in pain. But there is so much value in the open, vulnerable, undefended way of being that we can allow even during the most intense heart-piercing discomfort.

Another dynamic here is that we have deeply ingrained programs about how we need to try to arrange our lives in order to get what we want. As you experienced yesterday, there are many unintegrated parts within us that have such complex strategies for trying to get what they most deeply want that they’ve long lost touch with what that actually is.

Like thinking you want to hurt a kid when you really just want a little peace.

Not just peace. That part wanted to let go of everything and just be in Living, Boundless Peacefulness. So our parts are focusing on the first layer or two of what they think needs to happen first, and if suddenly you are resting in Peace, not using your own effort and will to get what these parts think they want, they are likely to resist. Even though you already have what they are actually working so hard to get for you.

So even when we’re just resting in that incredible space of Being, sooner or later our patterns are going to kick in again and pull us out of it?

They can only pull you out if you’re still holding on to them. But even when you’ve let them go, it can still take them some time to finish unwinding themselves. This isn’t a problem. It’s nothing to try to change. When the waves and the winds rise up into a storm, your surface self will definitely feel it. But the Perfect Peace of the Depths is never even slightly affected.

* * * * * *

So you’re saying we’re holding onto all these different parts of us?

Structure can’t hold on to Essence. So if we’re identified with the structural layers within our psyches and bodies, and identified with our minds and bodies in general, it’s because we must be holding on to them. We are a beam of Pure Awareness, focusing so much on those structures that we come to believe they are what we really are. So all of this– our minds and bodies, our mental constructs and beliefs, the pristine personality, the repressed emotions and impulses, the armor that covers them, the mask or presenting personality, the many parts we have split off from our primary personality– all of this together is our small self, the identity we consciously or subconsciously believe ourselves to be.

It sounds like our small selves are pretty screwed up.

The irony is, all these parts and patterns we’re so attached to are at the deepest level trying to help us have joy and belonging and love and security. They really just want Home. And yet, when we let go of all our attachment to the various aspects of our small self, what remains is Home. Endless joy, complete belonging, effortless love and irrevocable security. Rumi said “If you could only see your own beauty– for you are greater than the sun! Why are you withered and shriveled in this prison of dust? Why not become fresh from the gentleness of the heart’s spring? Why not laugh like a rose? Why not spread perfume?”

But the rose bracing for winter can never bloom. And that is how most of us spend our lives. Whether we are aware of it or not, we put most of our energy into growing our protective thorns, trying to create some semblance of security and stability in our fleeting lives. We think if we can only become secure and settled and successful enough then we will finally be able to bloom. But all our effort is in vain. The rose of the heart blooms only when its thorns have fallen to the ground.

So we can’t really be open until we don’t have any more defenses?

Patterns of defensiveness can still be there. Those thorns are generated in the mind. Your mind could still have such patterns even after your heart is thornless.

Then what’s a thornless heart?

One that has taken its hands off all the patterns in the mind. A thornless heart is a pure heart. A surrendered heart. An innocent heart. One that has emptied itself of all of its own agendas and false treasures, so that there is room for Pure Being to flow through it. Remember Saint John of the Cross: “The goods of God, which are beyond all measure, can only be contained in an empty and solitary heart.”

This empty heart is one in which there is no more grasping onto the small self. It no longer tries to hoard false treasures. And so it can finally relax. And as it relaxes back into its natural way of being, it begins to expand. In every direction at once. This is the free fall of the heart. And as this is happening, everything you have ever leaned on for stability and everything you have ever used to get your bearings and everything you have ever depended on to feel in control is all seen to be valueless illusion. The rug is pulled out from under you. And the falling to the ground is endless. For there is no ground. Hafiz said “Pulling out the chair beneath your mind and watching you fall upon God, what else is there for Hafiz to do that is any fun in this world?” Ahh, I love Hafiz!

But if you’re free falling and there’s no ground, it sounds like you would be falling to your death. Actually, on second thought, if there’s no bottom, I guess you could also look at that as the ultimate free fall. Like flying.

Yes, exactly.  All of your old frames of reference lose their meaning. In that way, the structures on which you had built your life all fall apart. It’s a death of all that’s old. Usually we are unwilling to take that plunge. To fall backwards off the edge of the familiar, with no real comprehension of what awaits us. But since there is no ground, once we really allow that free fall and completely surrender to it, we realize we are actually flying. This is the Fall of Freedom. We are boundless Beingness, endlessly falling deeper and deeper into itself!

The price of True Life is the death of all that isn’t true. Irina Tweedie, a student of Bhai Sahib, wrote “Spiritual life is the tearing down of all castles, of all securities. For only then, and then only, can we reach the Ultimate Security.” And remember Tennyson: “The loss of personality but the only true life.”

Well, maybe he just didn’t have much of a personality.

He simply knew that the personality he wore was not who he was, and that those moments in which it tumbled to the ground around him were the most free and pure and true moments of his life, just as you experienced yesterday. The words of Plotinus may begin to make more sense now. “In the reduction of your soul to its simplest self, its divine essence, you realize this union– this identity.” Muhammad said this simply and profoundly. “True religion is surrender.” In other words, the deepest, purest spiritual life is experienced when we let go of everything we have been grasping. When we live in unceasing Releasingness. An endless free fall.

We have so much fear of annihilation when we consider letting go of who we think we are. But the direct experience of expanding into pure, structureless Being makes us realize that what we truly are is What is Left. Our True Nature is completely independent of every thing, every structure. As you glimpsed yesterday, as each deeper layer falls away, we are continually amazed. “Even that wasn’t me! I’m even more simple, more fundamental, more pure than that!” Remember Rumi: “When you finally see through the veils to how things really are, you will keep saying again and again, ‘This is certainly not the way we thought it was!’” When this happens, we suddenly get the Cosmic Joke.

What’s the cosmic joke? Is it the one where the Buddhist says to the hot dog vendor, “Make me one with everything”? I didn’t think so.

It’s that we already are one with everything! So completely and so unshakably that absolutely nothing could possibly ever change it! Regardless of our perceptions and our experiences, we are not the fragile sand castle we have been so frantically trying to preserve. Like Tennyson, we realize death is “an almost laughable impossibility.” It is the greatest relief to directly experience that your True Nature can never be hurt, can never be damaged, can never be destroyed. What you really are is so invincible it needs no fortress to protect it! So invincible it can be absolutely undefended, completely open and infinitely present! There’s no place it cannot reach and so it is equally in every place. No thing can stop it and so it is in everything. And everything is in it. This is why Eckhart tells us to “Become pure until you neither are nor have either this or that; then you are omnipresent and, being neither this nor that, are all things.”

This is the Cosmic Joke. You have worked so hard to protect and maintain the sand castle of your identity, and then, through some mysterious gift of Grace, you finally let go of the continuous effort this requires and just allow it to crumble to pieces, aware that this could be your death. And as more and more sand falls to the ground, you wonder when you will fall with it. You wonder which part of the castle is holding your consciousness. Until you have watched every last grain of sand tumble to the ground. And you are still there! Completely unscathed! Completely untouched!

Completely freaked out.

Perhaps. But you are also incredibly relieved. When you finally realize you have spent your entire life fervently trying to defend and reinforce and support an identity that had no reality whatsoever outside your own mind, you cannot help but laugh. You cannot help but feel the greatest relief. Simone Weil wrote “If we find fullness of joy in the thought that God exists, we should find the same fullness in the knowledge that we ourselves do not exist, for it is the same thought.” Or as the early twentieth century Zen writer, Terence Gray, a.k.a. Wei Wu Wei, put it, “Why are you unhappy? Because ninety-nine point nine percent of everything you think and of everything you do is for yourself. And there isn’t one.”

There isn’t a self?

There is certainly a sense of identity. A self image. But it has no real substance. The body and mind and personality do exist, as much as anything in the world of form. They are complex patterns of physical and energetic structures. A beam of Pure Awareness projects its awareness onto them and comes to believe they are what it is. And yet, each of those structures can fall away, one at a time or all at once, and that Prime Consciousness is untouched. So Pure Awareness exists and the systems and structures it becomes identified with exist. But the self as a conscious entity, comprised of the sum total of these structures, that self is only a mental construct, with no foundation in reality. In that sense, there is no self. The fourteenth century mystic, Saint Catherine of Siena, said “In self knowledge, then, thou wilt humble thyself, and see that, in thyself, thou dost not even exist.” And the Buddha said “Whatever is originated will be dissolved again. All worry about the self is vain; the ego is like a mirage, and all the tribulations that touch it will pass away. They will vanish as a nightmare vanishes when a sleeper awakes.”

So basically, until we become Self realized, we have a severe case of mistaken identity.

Exactly. As long as you believe you have an identity, you are mistaken.

Hold on though. You’re saying that when your identity crumbles, you’re still around, which I guess is what I had a little taste of yesterday. But you said before that you can’t reach the goal of being Self realized until there isn’t anyone there to reach it. They sound like a contradiction.

You are what remains when the imagined identity that was hoping to reach any goal is let go of. When all grasping and effort is surrendered, when all structure is dis-identified with, then you experience yourself as Pure Awareness, Pure Structurelessness. All of your self concepts have been shattered. You aren’t anything you had thought you were. You aren’t anything at all. There is no imagined small self left to want to reach the Goal. And yet, you are. Boundless, limitless Being. Infinite Oneness. No thing is separate from this Oneness that you are. No thing is other than it. All duality is one with the nonduality of Essence. All waves are Ocean. Being one with that Infinite Oneness, you want nothing. Wanting nothing, you stop all effort. Stopping all effort, you let go of everything. Empty of everything, you become it.

Completely lost, you fake it and nod.

The eleventh century Sufi, Ansari of Herat, said it more simply than I can. “Know that when you learn to lose yourself, you will reach the Beloved. There is no other secret to be learned, and more than this is not known to me.” And remember the words of Angelus Silesius: “God whose love and joy are present everywhere, can’t come to visit you unless you aren’t there.” And Shankara said “Liberation cannot be achieved except by the perception of the identity of the individual spirit with the universal Spirit.” This identification is not something you can grab on to. It is What Is Left when all grasping and all identifying is finally finished. Remember Swami Vidyaranya: “How shall I grasp it? Do not grasp it. That which remains when there is no more grasping is the Self.”

* * * * * *

I’m getting this image of a tight fist, and that’s like what we usually are, how we live, all we know. If we would let it open, we would still have all the same structures that made the fist. But now everything’s spread out more, so there’s a whole lot more room. The closed walls open and then we experience the same old structures in a looser way, and at the same time there’s this new sense of boundless space. Does that make any sense?

Yes.

Then could you explain it to me?

All your life you thought you were a unique wave, different from all other waves. Then your self concepts fall away and you realize your true identity, the endless Ocean. You experience dissolving into the Ocean, no longer being limited to the wave you thought you were. But the wave itself remains. You still have a body, you still have a mind, you still have a personality. They each still have their own gifts and faults, their own strengths and weaknesses, their own unique qualities and predispositions. While you experience yourself to be limitless Awareness, Infinite Beingness, you are also aware of the body and mind and personality on which your Ray of Awareness is focused. You are intimately connected to those structures. They are the vehicles that allow you to experience existence in this world. They are what allow Pure Awareness to experience created reality. We have been given the honor, the privilege, to be the vehicles through which the Creator can know the created, the Source can know structure. We are the Eyes of Essence.

Only the waves of the ocean can see the stars. I’m not sure exactly what that means, but it’s in the same ballpark as “Only the center of the hurricane can see the sun.” Which, incidentally, is the same ball park where that hot dog vendor makes you one with everything.

In any case, when you see how things really are, these structures through which you experience this world are no longer confused with your Real Self.

So you’re saying the body is kind of like a car you drive around. When you first get a car, you have to learn where the controls are, how it responds, how to make it do what you want, how to steer with your knees while you’re downing a burger and fries, that kind of thing. But after you’ve had it for a while, it becomes like an extension of yourself. You control it effortlessly. Automatically. It does what you need it to do and goes where you want it to go, but you always know it isn’t you.

And like a car, you may have a great deal of appreciation for it and you may make it a priority to take as good care of it as possible. But you know eventually it will break down beyond repair and cease to function. So there may be a sense of sadness and loss at no longer having a way to exist in this marvelous world. And at knowing that this vehicle that served you so long and so well is gone. But you are absolutely clear that this vehicle isn’t you, and that its inevitable death will not affect what you truly are.

Shankara said “The knower of the Atman does not identify himself with this body. He rests within it, as if within a carriage.”

Hey, that’s basically what I said. Me and Shankara are like totally soul buddies.

You chose a good buddy. He founded Advaita Vedanta, a tradition that holds everything in reality is always one with the One. He said “He who has learned to see the one Reality everywhere, he is my master– whether he is a Brahmin or an Untouchable.”

I was just thinking the exact same thing myself. I just didn’t want to outshine you so I kept it to myself.

So even though your mind and personality still exist when you let go of your identification with them, many of your psychological structures dissolve away. Your armor, your repressed impulses and emotions, your unresolved issues, your false beliefs about yourself and the world, and other mental constructs begin to disintegrate. As this happens, your body, which had been holding repressed emotions and energy and impulses and so forth, now begins to become much more relaxed and open. It’s no longer the battle ground for a constant inner war between expression and suppression, authenticity and pretension. And the many dams that had been stopping the flow of your life stream begin melting away. The life force that had been trapped in stagnant pools of repressed energy and in the dams that held them now flows much more freely and powerfully. Your mind, which had been fragmented and unfocused, now can focus much more fully on any one thing, effortlessly penetrating into its depths with laser sharpness, allowing profound insights to emerge.

So it’s like your car had all this extra baggage tied to the top of it that was keeping it from working very well and having much power, and then all that is removed and suddenly it’s light and powerful and handles better. And instead of spending all your time preoccupied with the baggage, like making sure it isn’t falling off and that you don’t do anything that throws it off balance, you can focus all your attention on what’s in front of you and most important at the moment. Your burger and fries.

A great burden has been lifted. And with the dissolution of most of these psychological structures, the pristine personality is again exposed. Your personality is once again authentic, undefended, open hearted, joyful, compassionate and centered in present experience rather than distant thoughts. So you do not become some stoic robot lacking character and uniqueness. You are not a lifeless zombie. And you are not perfect. Your pristine personality has its own predispositions and tendencies and idiosyncrasies based on genetics and personality development and so forth. So that even though you experience yourself to be limitless Being, you relate and interact in the world through a unique and imperfect mind and body, with which you are intimately connected.

Now, this pristine personality may still have a wide variety of emotions passing through it. But when you allow an emotion to fully arise, and completely experience it, it dissolves away without a problem. So when you are Self realized, anger and sadness and irritation and so forth may still come and go, but they are fully allowed, and are not a problem. And when you are experiencing unpleasant sensations, whether physical or emotional, you are not knocked off balance by it. You are still resting in the Endless Beingness that you are. Sensations and emotions are passing surface waves that leave the Deep Living Water unchanged.

So you mean if you’re mad you have a temper tantrum and then move on?

This is an important point. You completely allow your emotions to be present, just as they are.  You warmly allow and accept them to fully be here. This doesn’t mean you necessarily express them or release them physically. You may do that at times, but you are more likely to simply fully experience the so called negative emotions that arise within yourself without doing anything with them or to them. Without using effort to pull them closer or to push them away. Without trying to make them bigger or smaller. Without trying to resolve them. Without any effort at all. There is plenty of room within you to just kindly allow those clouds to form and dissolve on their own, without the slightest exertion on your part to either suppress or express. When you allow your accepting awareness to gently fall completely into the center of any emotion or sensation or experience, layer after layer dissolves away until the Pure Center is unveiled. No matter where on the surface you start, if you allow your awareness to ever so gently melt deeply enough through the layers, you will always uncover the same Core.

So you could fully experience incredible pain without reacting to it?

It’s fine to react, and yet as you continue to open, even very intense waves of emotions can flow through without the necessity of physical expression. But when you are just beginning to open, the ice starts to melt, the floods come, and the currents can seem much bigger and more powerful than you are. And they may knock you off your feet. By the way, it’s easy to get sidetracked by the intensity of roaring emotional waves. You feel so alive, and you think all that emotional release must mean you’re really getting clearer. So you might unconsciously choose to stay on the emotional level, instead of letting yourself naturally sink into the Peaceful Stillness waiting underneath. As long as you are looking for an emotional wave to ride, there will always be one waiting.

Question. Since self realized people are okay with their body dying, do they ever have any fear? If their parachute doesn’t open, do they just think, “Wow, in a few seconds, I’m really going to have an interesting experience!” I mean, that’s an “Oh shit!” moment if there ever was one.

After Self realization, the body’s survival instincts may still remain very much in tact. Trillions of cells are all working together for the survival of this remarkable organism. They don’t all suddenly become complacent just because you realize you are not the body. Even though your Pure Awareness doesn’t fear the inevitable death of its vehicle, if there is a loud noise, your body may jump. If you are standing on the edge of a cliff, your heart may pound. If you are being attacked by a robber, you are likely to instinctively fight back. If your body is wounded, it will do all it can to heal itself.

And if you’re seconds away from merging with the rapidly approaching ground?

Every mind stream is different.  There is not one reaction all would have.  While deep down you would have acceptance of death, your body-mind might be at peace or might be filled with fear.

So you might still feel scared sometimes? This isn’t how I pictured being Self realized.

As we realize our True Self, we do not become less human, but more deeply, more maturely, and more tenderly human than we have ever been before. Until it has happened to us, we tend to have all sorts of misconceptions of what it must be like. We might imagine omniscient, omnipotent, saintly people with great mystical powers.

You mean that doesn’t come with the job?

Some people do have abilities such as being very intuitive, or being a conduit for higher levels of energy. Some are naturally gifted, others develop them through practices, and still others find them arising spontaneously as the veils begin to thin. But such abilities have no direct correlation whatsoever with being Self realized. And in fact, those who stumble upon them during their spiritual unfolding can actually be hindered by them. Such gifts can become a false peak that create a distorted sense of arrival, and perhaps lead them to become intoxicated with their magic tricks and with the adoration of others.

The sixteenth century priest, Saint Francis de Sales, said “It is possible to receive such gifts and yet to be in mortal sin, nor are they necessary to salvation.” And Ansari of Herat said ” Can you walk on water? You have done no better than a straw. Can you fly in the air? You have done no better than a blue bottle. Conquer you heart; then you may become somebody.”

That reminds me of some channelers I checked out a few years ago. It’s like, even if someone seems to really be saying something wise, and even if they really are honestly having the experience of just letting something else speak through them, that still doesn’t mean that what is coming through is a hundred percent correct. They could be distorting it some unconsciously, and the source that it’s coming from, whatever that is, might not be flawless in the first place.

Exactly. The spontaneous expression of words that come from somewhere beyond the conscious mind is an ancient phenomenon. As is the belief that these words are coming from a greater, wiser, perhaps infallible being. Saint John of the Cross said “I am really terrified by what passes among us in these days. Anyone who has barely begun to meditate, if he becomes conscious of words of this kind during his self-recollection, pronounces them forthwith to be the work of God.”

That’s wild this stuff was even going on back then. That’s what Shankara was trying to tell me a minute ago but I didn’t believe him.

The bottom line is that the source of the teaching isn’t as relevant as whether or not it resonates deep inside you. Whether it comes from someone channeling, someone’s own immediate experience, an ancient scripture, a respected teacher or even a folk song, the question is, deep down does it ring true for you?

A folk song?

“Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.” Now that’s Truth.

* * * * * *

Now, another common misconception is that everyone who is Self realized has the same saintly, stoic lifestyle and the same interests and beliefs. In fact, there are as many ways to live an awakened life as there are people to become awakened.

I can see how each person would have a different personality and from that different interests and lifestyles, but what do you mean different beliefs?

The mind is imperfect. Whenever you reduce a direct experience or insight into a mental representation of it, there is the danger of losing something in the translation. Actually, it’s not just a danger, it’s a certainty. So you will find that different Self realized people will have different opinions and beliefs about some aspects of our Essential Nature and how to realize it. Now some of these are just different ways of describing the same thing.

Like saying Essence can be experienced as both the Light and the Void.

Right. Two of the many ways it can be perceived are as a magnificent Clear Light, like an infinite sun, and as a beautiful, Shimmering Darkness, like the night sky.

So when you think about it, everyone is really a Shining Night in armor.

Yes, exactly! There is but one Face behind every mask! That Face is both the Infinite Light of Living Flow and the Unmoving Stillness of the Uncreated Absolute. The masks seem so real, so convincing. But when we gaze with the heart, we can’t help but recognize our Beloved! Everywhere we look! If the Infinite Heart is truly Infinite, there is no place it is not Fully Present.   

But before you take another trip to Bliss Land, you’re saying that sometimes different beliefs are just a matter of semantics.

Right. The direct experience of non-dual Awareness creates many paradoxes for the mind. In trying to describe it from various perspectives, using the heavy clumsiness of words, we cannot help but contradict ourselves. Essence can be experienced as both a Light and a Void. And it is preposterous to believe it is either. No concepts can possibly describe that which is absolutely inconceivable. How foolish to even try! And yet, once you have rested upon the Breast of Being, and melted into its infinite Love and Completeness, you are most happy to be a fool for your Beloved.

The Breast of Being?

When we let ourselves completely fall apart, and simply rest in What Is, without the slightest grasping or pushing or holding ourselves together, there is an effortless flow of the Sweetest Love. The Purest Nectar. In the Gospel of Thomas, Jesus sees some mothers nursing their babies and says, “These infants being suckled are like those who enter into the Kingdom.” Completely trusting. Completely vulnerable. Completely open. Completely surrendered. Completely nurtured. Completely Home. Listen to the book of Psalms: “My mind is not noisy with desires, and my heart has satisfied its longing. I do not care about religion or anything that is not You. I have soothed and quieted my soul, like a child at its mother’s breast. My soul is as peaceful as a child sleeping in its mother’s arms.”

Now then, while some beliefs are just different ways of communicating the same truth, there are other beliefs about Essence and how to uncover it, about the world, and about yourself that are based on your own predispositions and your own unique interpretation of your experiences, as well as on the beliefs of your particular spiritual path and culture.

For instance?

Some traditions teach it is nearly impossible to awaken without a teacher to serve as a vessel through which the Flow of Pure Presence awakens your own True Nature. And a student who becomes Self realized in that path is likely to maintain that belief. Other paths directly contradict this, as do some who have awakened with no path. Also, some who are Self realized believe in predestination, some don’t. Some believe in ongoing journeys after death, and some believe we immediately merge back into the Source. Those who follow some ascetic traditions say you must sacrifice many of life’s pleasures, including sexual activity, in order to become Self realized. While followers of some Tantric paths may even integrate sexual activity into some of their practices.

Tough choice. I mean, if both paths end up at the same place anyway, my vote’s for the scenic route. Might as well enjoy the journey. I believe it was Robert Frost who wrote “I came to a fork in the road and I picked it up and had some pie.”

Actually, I’m not familiar with that version.

Well, maybe you should read a little more.

I’ll take that under advisement. Yes, for some the scenic route may be a perfect choice. But for others, the scenery is so seductive they forget about their journey and decide to stay. For them a more direct route may be in order.

“I came to a fork in the road and I thought it faster just to fly.”

I’m not sure Frost’s poetry really needs to be improved on.

Yeah, I guess if he were alive to hear this, well, he’d probably be really, really old.

Here’s my favorite of his lines: “We dance round a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”

That would be really beautiful if I only knew what it meant. How are you supposed to understand poetry when they cram a bunch of symbolism into it? Poetry should be short, sharp and simple. Like “I think that I shall never see such a large flea collar on such a small flea.” Now that’s good poetry.

The collar symbolizes how we enslave ourselves, by our own efforts to be protected from that which we already are. And yet, the collar is actually large enough that we are not truly enslaved. It will fall off the moment we are truly willing to live life unprotected, vulnerable, and free. Rumi said “Take from your neck the world’s gold collar. Receive with no protection the blows God sends.”

I don’t like you anymore.

So, to continue, we live in a time when so many different paths are becoming accessible that those who feel the need for one can find one with which they deeply resonate. Which, by the way, is not necessarily the same as finding the one they enjoy the most.

There’s always a catch. What do you mean “those who feel the need for a path”? We don’t have to follow one? We can just take a helicopter to the mountain top or something? Too bad both of mine got burned in pyro-kittie fire.

That’s an important question. I want to let you in on a little known secret about spiritual paths. Actually, this might be a good place to stop for today.

I think that I shall have to wait until our next appointed date. But that’s all right. I won’t fight. There’s no need to be irate.

Don’t quit your day job.

Hey, you’re not exactly the greatest poet who ever lived, Mr. “Twinkle, twinkle, the stars are overrated”.

Yes, the words of themselves sounded completely ridiculous.

Which is why I was ridiculing them.

But the space from which the impulse to speak them came, that space is Pure Poetry itself. And even though the heaviness of words can never touch it, sometimes there is the irresistible impulse to foolishly try. I love being a true fool.

So you’re admitting you sounded like a fool? That takes the fun out of ridiculing you.

For years I was a fool desperately running around after fool’s gold. Pushing and pulling my way through life. Now I am a fool endlessly resting in the tender arms of my Beloved, being carried through life. I’m like an ever-resting puppet, completely trusting of its master. Saint Paul said “It is not I who live, but Christ who lives through me.” And Eckhart wrote “Above all, claim nothing for yourself. Relax and let God operate you and do what he will with you.” I am so endlessly grateful to be this kind of fool! Always at the mercy of the Master’s hand. Oh Master, move the strings of my life anyway you wish! No matter how it may look. No matter how it may feel. No matter the cost. All it could ever cost is absolutely everything that was never Real!

To let go of all I’m holding
To let go and be free
To release all my grasping
Just to fall endlessly
To be the eyes of Essence
To be the arms of Love
To rest in the Heart of Being
This Endless Moment always enough
To give this life in service
To live each breath for You
To trust enough to open
To finally live the Truth!

Divine, Mother Divine
Divine, Mother Divine
I surrender, I resign
I am Yours, Mother Divine
I am Yours, I am Yours, Mother Divine!